how do you make a decision when you can't make up your mind.
so as i sit here i have alot going thru my head. it's racing and it doesn't seem to stop. first of all i had a badass time at the shinedown concert...even tho 3doors down sucked balls and we won't go there with alterbridge...needless to say they are the new creed...and the suck just as hard. anyway we were comming home from the concert when jez calls me offering me this badass job...something that i've always wanted to do but can never seem to get around to actually getting recertified. it's a bartending position in the french quarter...why am i not jumping on it? i don't know...i don't have any loose ends and i sure as hell aint having any type of good luck here. everything i touch falls apart out here. maybe its a sign. problem is i've never had trouble picking up and going before. but for some reason i can't get my head around this. i want to go home so fucking bad but i can't leave susan. maybe it's because i'm afraid that i'll lose her. it's happened to many times..i know she's loyal and i love her to death which is why it frightens me to lose her. the rest of my friends have reassured me that everything is going to be ok and they will come out to see me. yet i'm still standing still...why? i told everyone that my decision would be made after my sis had her baby...b/c i needed to be here for that. tiff's married and taken care of...and then i can go. susan thinks that the time apart would be good for us. i agree...but maybe i just got too used to her being there...too used to her picking up the peices in my shambled life...i know what i have to do and what i'm going to do...i have given myself till february to pack it up and go. i just need the strength to say goodbye...no not goodbye...see ya later. that worx better. i dunno i'm going to go contemplate more later.