when you live, live with your soul, not with your time
I finally got power to my laptop again, and let me tell you that not having a computer just as finals start is not easy. But nothing's been very easy lately.
I haven't been able to figure out how to update everyone on life. It's so all over the place.
The fish is named Machete. I tried calling him John Storey and it just wasn't working. You can call him John Storey if you want.
Sean Hanna was the kind of guy that was so full of life that you thought he'd never run out...but he did. My friend died, and it's made everything feel strange. I'm kicking myself for never visiting him in the hospital. We always thought he'd be back to the station soon. I still expect him to show up one day.
Jenny and I went to his wake Wednesday. We waited in line for an hour and a half to get into the funeral home. I couldn't believe how many people were there to see him, but on the other hand, I totally could. You could know Sean for five minutes and already feel like he was one of your best friends.
Jenny and I looked through RLC pictures last night to find these. In the pictures Sean took at the retreat there are no less than five pictures blatantly taken of my ass or boobs. Amongst photos of pretty much everyone passing out on couches, chairs, floors, Jenny remembered Sean holding a red Solo cup. "fuck you guys, I'm gonna keep drinking!"
But when we saw the body at his wake, it wasn't him. He wasn't laughing or making a joke. His round, excited eyes were sunken and flat and glued shut. His hair was gone. His nose was pointed and his skin fell back on his skinny face. His hands were wrinkled like an old man. That wasn't Sean Hanna. SHanna is still somewhere else, probably partying. Probably dressed up like Spiderman.
So I've been clingy and panicky and I'm uncomfortable driving. The same morning as the day I found out he'd died, my favorite of my little brother's friends, Ethan, crashed his car into a telephone pole. He seems to be alright, but that's a scare. I was tense and unhappy all day. I couldn't stop for too long or else I'd think too much and get upset. This whole week has been hard, and with finals the stress is ridiculous.
I have a final on Monday, and then about a week off. I'll be busy next Saturday between the station's Alumni Day and an engagement party for Joe's friend Danielle. Mother's Day I'm driving with my mom, aunt, and G-Ma to Boston so they can bring some things to Skinner's Auction. It seemed like a good trip, and a nice thing to do for Mother's Day. Then Tuesday things will be changing.
May 15th I start a full-time internship with DiversityInc Magazine. $10 an hour, 40 hours a week in Newark. I'll be taking the train in at like 7:30 every morning, then I assume I'll be out around 4:30pm. I'm bummed mostly because of the definite decrease in Joe-time, but I'm also super excited. I was wary about doing print, since I'm really a broadcast girl, but I'll have the opportunity to do video and web work and editing, so it seems okay. Also, the people there are great.
I went in for my interview, and got lost in Newark-Penn Station. Well a nice old man helped me find my way out, and I walked the 6 or so blocks to the company, and up 15 floors. I was hijacked at first by someone interviewing for a clerical job, and we were both kind of confused, but after two more interviews, I chatted with a Rutgers grad that works there. She was basically there to answer my questions. "Everyone likes you out there, so you're pretty much a shoo-in." After that and an editing test, the Editor came back in. She said they had two applicants left this week, and I should call Friday and they'd have made their decision by then.
"Nevermind. You're hired."
Apparantly, I'm impressive. I knew proofreader's marks thanks to Bruce Reynolds for the editing test. I think it was my awesome yellow shoes that did it, though. I could hear them talking about how great I was as I was leaving. It felt good. It felt ridiculous, but it felt good. I danced and giggled in the elevator all the way down.
But by the time I got to the train station, my mood had changed. I don't know how many times it needs to be said that IT IS NOT FLATTERING when strange men approach me on the street or leer at me from their cars. Within about 6 blocks (15 minutes) I had SIX men try to get my attention. 1. made kissy noises and told me I was sexy. 2. tried to get me to stop so he could tell me how he just got out of the hospital and I was the prettiest thing he'd seen since. 3. said a simple "hello" in that not-so-simple way. 4. "What's goin' on?" as he looked me up. and. down. 5. as I crossed the street in front of an SUV it HONKED at me, scaring the shit out of me, and I turned to see a man fucking leering out his windshield at me. 6. hissed at me from his car window. I cannot explain what that noise was, but it made my fucking skin crawl.
My dad got a new job, too. He'll be commuting to NYC, but he's excited about the job itself. All in all, I suppose the world moves forward. It's hard to not get caught up in all the emotions and immediacy of everything. I'm in NY right now, cat-sitting for Kip & Richard again. But I'm alone. Jenny had work and Joe won't be here until at least 7pm. I suppose I'll play Pokemon until then.
I haven't been able to figure out how to update everyone on life. It's so all over the place.
The fish is named Machete. I tried calling him John Storey and it just wasn't working. You can call him John Storey if you want.
Sean Hanna was the kind of guy that was so full of life that you thought he'd never run out...but he did. My friend died, and it's made everything feel strange. I'm kicking myself for never visiting him in the hospital. We always thought he'd be back to the station soon. I still expect him to show up one day.
Jenny and I went to his wake Wednesday. We waited in line for an hour and a half to get into the funeral home. I couldn't believe how many people were there to see him, but on the other hand, I totally could. You could know Sean for five minutes and already feel like he was one of your best friends.
Jenny and I looked through RLC pictures last night to find these. In the pictures Sean took at the retreat there are no less than five pictures blatantly taken of my ass or boobs. Amongst photos of pretty much everyone passing out on couches, chairs, floors, Jenny remembered Sean holding a red Solo cup. "fuck you guys, I'm gonna keep drinking!"
But when we saw the body at his wake, it wasn't him. He wasn't laughing or making a joke. His round, excited eyes were sunken and flat and glued shut. His hair was gone. His nose was pointed and his skin fell back on his skinny face. His hands were wrinkled like an old man. That wasn't Sean Hanna. SHanna is still somewhere else, probably partying. Probably dressed up like Spiderman.
So I've been clingy and panicky and I'm uncomfortable driving. The same morning as the day I found out he'd died, my favorite of my little brother's friends, Ethan, crashed his car into a telephone pole. He seems to be alright, but that's a scare. I was tense and unhappy all day. I couldn't stop for too long or else I'd think too much and get upset. This whole week has been hard, and with finals the stress is ridiculous.
I have a final on Monday, and then about a week off. I'll be busy next Saturday between the station's Alumni Day and an engagement party for Joe's friend Danielle. Mother's Day I'm driving with my mom, aunt, and G-Ma to Boston so they can bring some things to Skinner's Auction. It seemed like a good trip, and a nice thing to do for Mother's Day. Then Tuesday things will be changing.
May 15th I start a full-time internship with DiversityInc Magazine. $10 an hour, 40 hours a week in Newark. I'll be taking the train in at like 7:30 every morning, then I assume I'll be out around 4:30pm. I'm bummed mostly because of the definite decrease in Joe-time, but I'm also super excited. I was wary about doing print, since I'm really a broadcast girl, but I'll have the opportunity to do video and web work and editing, so it seems okay. Also, the people there are great.
I went in for my interview, and got lost in Newark-Penn Station. Well a nice old man helped me find my way out, and I walked the 6 or so blocks to the company, and up 15 floors. I was hijacked at first by someone interviewing for a clerical job, and we were both kind of confused, but after two more interviews, I chatted with a Rutgers grad that works there. She was basically there to answer my questions. "Everyone likes you out there, so you're pretty much a shoo-in." After that and an editing test, the Editor came back in. She said they had two applicants left this week, and I should call Friday and they'd have made their decision by then.
"Nevermind. You're hired."
Apparantly, I'm impressive. I knew proofreader's marks thanks to Bruce Reynolds for the editing test. I think it was my awesome yellow shoes that did it, though. I could hear them talking about how great I was as I was leaving. It felt good. It felt ridiculous, but it felt good. I danced and giggled in the elevator all the way down.
But by the time I got to the train station, my mood had changed. I don't know how many times it needs to be said that IT IS NOT FLATTERING when strange men approach me on the street or leer at me from their cars. Within about 6 blocks (15 minutes) I had SIX men try to get my attention. 1. made kissy noises and told me I was sexy. 2. tried to get me to stop so he could tell me how he just got out of the hospital and I was the prettiest thing he'd seen since. 3. said a simple "hello" in that not-so-simple way. 4. "What's goin' on?" as he looked me up. and. down. 5. as I crossed the street in front of an SUV it HONKED at me, scaring the shit out of me, and I turned to see a man fucking leering out his windshield at me. 6. hissed at me from his car window. I cannot explain what that noise was, but it made my fucking skin crawl.
My dad got a new job, too. He'll be commuting to NYC, but he's excited about the job itself. All in all, I suppose the world moves forward. It's hard to not get caught up in all the emotions and immediacy of everything. I'm in NY right now, cat-sitting for Kip & Richard again. But I'm alone. Jenny had work and Joe won't be here until at least 7pm. I suppose I'll play Pokemon until then.