so get to booking and don't look back - a one way ticket on a two way track
So I fucked some things up. Now I'm not taking any summer classes...that should sound nice - it does have the advantage of allowing me a lot more time for my summer plans. My availability for work has opened up quite a bit, which I really hope will actually pay off because I really need the money. Also, now there's nothing in the way of my 2-week apartment/cat-sitting for Aunt Kip & Uncle Richard in their posh Manhattan apartment full of wine, good movies, awesome showers, and adorable kitties. Maybe I'll actually squeeze in some motorcycle riding lessons.
It also has the extreme disadvantage that there is a good chance I can't take these two classes in the Fall, and they're the only two prerequisites left before I can move on to the rest of the classes for my major. If I can't take them in the Fall, I can take them in the Spring once I'm "officially accepted" to the major, but then I have, what, another year tacked on to my college career. Fuck. I really didn't want to do that.
If I do, I may step down from RLC exec staff completely for that fifth year...maybe I'll play lacrosse again :) and I'll let the youngers screw up as much as they please and I'll tear my hair out over it, but it will be worth it. This year needs to be worth it. I can't hold back anymore, because this is my chance to learn and to try new things and make the mistakes I won't be able to afford to make in the "real world". Not that RLC is any less "real", but I have so much more freedom to try things here.
My father talks to his computer while he's working on it.
My medication is still driving me nuts. I can't deal with these dizzy, sick spells. They get worse when I'm stressing, and I stress because they're worse. It's a dangerous road to get lost on. It made my day crazy worse yesterday.
Joe and I continue to see eachother and talk on the phone all the time, and do an inordinate amount of flirting for being "just friends". We had plans today to go to Great Adventure, but opted out of standing in lines in what was supposed to be 105degree heat to drive down to New Hope in the air conditioning and wander through town, ducking into shops to escape the heat and to browse things we couldn't afford to go around spending money on. We ate at Lulu's and saw a Corrosion of Conformity 45" in that crazy little record store that was SO COOL and I want it but I was afraid to ask how much it was. Next time. We agreed to call it a date, and that made me feel better about a lot of things.
If I can get myself to stop stressing so much about future things - things like whether Joe and I will get back together or whether I'll be in school for an extra year or job/career worries or whatever - then I can actually appreciate how awesome things should be right now. I can sit outside on the porch with my dad and watch the lightening without worrying about what else I could be doing right now, and I can ride down 195 listening to Type O Negative with my hand around Joe's arm without worrying about how he's going to take it or if he's going to need space the next time I show affection like this, and I can look forward to my busy August instead of worrying about how much shit I have to do.
This might sound totally silly, but I'm thinking of going to an open call for plus-sized models at Wilhelmina tomorrow morning. Yay or Nay? Who wants to come with me?
It also has the extreme disadvantage that there is a good chance I can't take these two classes in the Fall, and they're the only two prerequisites left before I can move on to the rest of the classes for my major. If I can't take them in the Fall, I can take them in the Spring once I'm "officially accepted" to the major, but then I have, what, another year tacked on to my college career. Fuck. I really didn't want to do that.
If I do, I may step down from RLC exec staff completely for that fifth year...maybe I'll play lacrosse again :) and I'll let the youngers screw up as much as they please and I'll tear my hair out over it, but it will be worth it. This year needs to be worth it. I can't hold back anymore, because this is my chance to learn and to try new things and make the mistakes I won't be able to afford to make in the "real world". Not that RLC is any less "real", but I have so much more freedom to try things here.
My father talks to his computer while he's working on it.
My medication is still driving me nuts. I can't deal with these dizzy, sick spells. They get worse when I'm stressing, and I stress because they're worse. It's a dangerous road to get lost on. It made my day crazy worse yesterday.
Joe and I continue to see eachother and talk on the phone all the time, and do an inordinate amount of flirting for being "just friends". We had plans today to go to Great Adventure, but opted out of standing in lines in what was supposed to be 105degree heat to drive down to New Hope in the air conditioning and wander through town, ducking into shops to escape the heat and to browse things we couldn't afford to go around spending money on. We ate at Lulu's and saw a Corrosion of Conformity 45" in that crazy little record store that was SO COOL and I want it but I was afraid to ask how much it was. Next time. We agreed to call it a date, and that made me feel better about a lot of things.
If I can get myself to stop stressing so much about future things - things like whether Joe and I will get back together or whether I'll be in school for an extra year or job/career worries or whatever - then I can actually appreciate how awesome things should be right now. I can sit outside on the porch with my dad and watch the lightening without worrying about what else I could be doing right now, and I can ride down 195 listening to Type O Negative with my hand around Joe's arm without worrying about how he's going to take it or if he's going to need space the next time I show affection like this, and I can look forward to my busy August instead of worrying about how much shit I have to do.
This might sound totally silly, but I'm thinking of going to an open call for plus-sized models at Wilhelmina tomorrow morning. Yay or Nay? Who wants to come with me?