(no subject)
I'm sitting in the RLC suite. I want to curl up in bed (preferably with Joe) because I am rather tired after a late night playing Kings and getting up early to sit in a brainstorming session in a windowless hotel in the Poconos and then drive 2 hours back here with Steve.
Thursday - today was the student center Leadership Retreat, which went very well. Today is RLC Alumni Day and later tonight is stuff too.
I wrote a 4 1/2 page paper in an hour and 1/2 Thursday night to get it in by midnight, just to find out that it was actually due by the midnight BEFORE and that I currently have a D in my Gendered Body class until he changes it to goodness knows what. FUCK. Not to meantion that whole "failing Intro to Music Analysis" shit I enjoy so much. fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck I'm ruining my life.
This semester was so hard. The work wasn't difficult (ok Music Analysis was) but living my life was. I'm still figuring out how to stay sane day-to-day and so far I can't without chemical involvement. I'm scared. I really have some amazing things and opportunities and people in my life but I'm fucking it all up and I'm losing my grasp. My everything hurts.
I had a repeated feeling of craving this past few days. I couldn't figure out what the feeling was. It was like wanting to drown, but not. It wasn't wanting to die. It wasn't wanting to feel pain. It wasn't being thirsty, but it was breathing water into and out of my mouth. I can't explain it.
I couldn't sleep because I was in an uncomfortable bed, and I was by myself. I'm getting too comfortable in the best and most dangerous ways.
I dreamt I was in a convenience store, and all I wanted was Lucky Charms or Cap'n Crunch cereal or something, but everyone was buying ice cream and frozen pizza, and I got distracted by temporary tattoos and a book based on the Vincent Price shorts by Tim Burton.
My dinosaur tattoo is itchy and scabby and gross and AWESOME and I just want it to heal.
bye.
Thursday - today was the student center Leadership Retreat, which went very well. Today is RLC Alumni Day and later tonight is stuff too.
I wrote a 4 1/2 page paper in an hour and 1/2 Thursday night to get it in by midnight, just to find out that it was actually due by the midnight BEFORE and that I currently have a D in my Gendered Body class until he changes it to goodness knows what. FUCK. Not to meantion that whole "failing Intro to Music Analysis" shit I enjoy so much. fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck I'm ruining my life.
This semester was so hard. The work wasn't difficult (ok Music Analysis was) but living my life was. I'm still figuring out how to stay sane day-to-day and so far I can't without chemical involvement. I'm scared. I really have some amazing things and opportunities and people in my life but I'm fucking it all up and I'm losing my grasp. My everything hurts.
I had a repeated feeling of craving this past few days. I couldn't figure out what the feeling was. It was like wanting to drown, but not. It wasn't wanting to die. It wasn't wanting to feel pain. It wasn't being thirsty, but it was breathing water into and out of my mouth. I can't explain it.
I couldn't sleep because I was in an uncomfortable bed, and I was by myself. I'm getting too comfortable in the best and most dangerous ways.
I dreamt I was in a convenience store, and all I wanted was Lucky Charms or Cap'n Crunch cereal or something, but everyone was buying ice cream and frozen pizza, and I got distracted by temporary tattoos and a book based on the Vincent Price shorts by Tim Burton.
My dinosaur tattoo is itchy and scabby and gross and AWESOME and I just want it to heal.
bye.