Theme 77 - Perfect Crime
Title: Bonkers Ball Pit Fun
Universe: DCAU
Genre: Drama/Humour
Characters: Joker n Harley
Rating: PG
Word Count: 921
Summary: What could be more fun than a hideout with a ball pit?
***
Bonkers Ball Pit Bonzana
The Joker bobbed gently up and down as he lay sprawled out on the air mattress; eyes closed and half-dreaming of palm trees and fruity drinks with more over-ripe fruit and paper umbrellas than actual alcohol. He was just wondering whether it was worth waking up sufficiently to order Harley out to find the closest grocery store that sold cocktail cherries when his nap was rudely disturbed by a tidal wave of plastic balls colliding with his face.
“Yahoo! This place is the bestest hideout ever! Dontcha love ball pits Mistah J?”
Oblivious to having almost capsized him off his inflatable lounge chair into the ball pit, Harley dived back under the multi-coloured mountain of balls only to pop back up for air a few feet further away like a particularly hyperactive prairie dog.
The silly girl had such little imagination - sure, an abandoned children’s playcentre had a few good structural features like slides, a ball pit and a working cotton candy machine, but that run-down old fish processing factory had come with so many interestingly pointy, scrapey, and guts-removing instruments. Plus Harley had nearly thrown up every time they rolled back the doors and the wave of musty fishy air flowed out. He really thought it was a tie between the two of them.
“You’re very easy to please,” he said as he threw one of the plastic balls back in her direction, watching it neatly bounce off her forehead with a soft thunk before he settled back down on his now stationary air mattress and closed his eyes.
His peace was not to last. Joker felt rather than saw the turbulence of Harley moving through the ball pit, getting closer to where he was lounging on the surface. He half opened one suspicious eye to see what she was doing and found her a few feet away, paused with a hopeful expression on her face.
“Why don’t you come and join me, Puddin’?” she asked with a flirtatious glint in her eyes that caused him to give a sigh of resignation. “The water’s lovely!” she added, mock-backstroking towards the edge of the sunken ball pit area and sending stray balls flying with every flailing arm.
She was clearly determined to disrupt his quiet time. Didn’t she realise that some people were up all night, scheming and wracking their brains for ways to bring screams of laughter and horror to this fair city? All she’d had to do was a few pages of chores, collect supplies from several warehouses across town, feed the hyenas, pick up some dry cleaning and rub his feet to help stimulate the creative sectors of his brain. Practically nothing! He supposed that he could still send her out for cocktail fruit, but his interest in overly decorative tropical drinks had faded.
There had to be some way to get some peace and quiet around here, even if just for the duration of a half-hour catnap…
Across the ball pit, Harley was doing a fair impression of a sea lion having an epileptic fit in the middle of a Sea World show. He coughed discretely, catching her attention.
“Did you know, Harleykins, there have been several documented cases of rattlesnakes being found living in the bottom of ball pits,” he said in a carefully conversational tone. At the mention of rattlesnakes, Harley instantly stalled in her sea lion-like flailing.
“Rattlesnakes?” she gave a nervous laugh and looked cautiously around at the seemingly harmless plastic balls. “That’s not really true, is it Puddin’? What would rattlesnakes eat in somewhere like this?”
“Oh, lots of things get lost in ball pits, Pumpkin,” he nodded at her sagely. “Half-eaten burgers and hotdogs, dropped candy, medium-sized toddlers.”
“A rattlesnake couldn’t eat a toddler!” she protested, inching slowly closer to the steps at the side of the pen. It was taking a lot of effort to restrain his giggles at her gullibility.
“No, but you see the snakes don’t know that, so they often give it a darn good try.” He waved a casual hand over the area of the ball pit. “Y’know, an area of this size could probably support a small family group. Since this place has been shut for six months, if there were any then they’d have to be pretty hungry by now…”
“I think I’ve had enough time in the ball pit,” Harley said in a wavering tone as she stumbled over her own feet in an attempt to clamber out of the pen as quickly as possible. She brushed down her costume several times as though checking for invisible snakes that might have been wrapped around her legs.
“Oh, that’s a shame,” Joker clucked with mock-sincerity. “Still, since you’re out now, hows about firing up the cotton candy machine? I’ll stay here and keep watch for any rattlesnakes so you’ll know if it’s safe to play in later.”
“Okay Puddin’,” Harley conceded. “But be careful.” She blew him a kiss and disappeared into the storeroom murmuring something about ‘her man being so brave…’
Joker chuckled quietly to himself and settled back on his air mattress for a blessedly peaceful snooze; pondering how delightful it would be to smuggle ball-shaped canisters of happy gas into playcentres across Gotham. Parents were always simpering about the joyous laughter of their precious little darlings - what more could they ask for than to hear the laughter of their little darlings continuously?
As he drifted off, he also wondered about the practicalities of borrowing a few baby rattlesnakes from the zoo.
Fin
***
End note: I confess this is very loosely connected to the prompt. If pressed, I will claim that either it was a "perfect crime" Joker luring Harley away to get some peace and quiet, or or will be a "perfect crime" to hide happy poisonous gas/snakes in ball bits across town (and, in poor Harley's case, in the hideout probably too!).
Mostly I just got stuck at the last minute and could think of nothing but ball pits and nonsense!
Universe: DCAU
Genre: Drama/Humour
Characters: Joker n Harley
Rating: PG
Word Count: 921
Summary: What could be more fun than a hideout with a ball pit?
***
Bonkers Ball Pit Bonzana
The Joker bobbed gently up and down as he lay sprawled out on the air mattress; eyes closed and half-dreaming of palm trees and fruity drinks with more over-ripe fruit and paper umbrellas than actual alcohol. He was just wondering whether it was worth waking up sufficiently to order Harley out to find the closest grocery store that sold cocktail cherries when his nap was rudely disturbed by a tidal wave of plastic balls colliding with his face.
“Yahoo! This place is the bestest hideout ever! Dontcha love ball pits Mistah J?”
Oblivious to having almost capsized him off his inflatable lounge chair into the ball pit, Harley dived back under the multi-coloured mountain of balls only to pop back up for air a few feet further away like a particularly hyperactive prairie dog.
The silly girl had such little imagination - sure, an abandoned children’s playcentre had a few good structural features like slides, a ball pit and a working cotton candy machine, but that run-down old fish processing factory had come with so many interestingly pointy, scrapey, and guts-removing instruments. Plus Harley had nearly thrown up every time they rolled back the doors and the wave of musty fishy air flowed out. He really thought it was a tie between the two of them.
“You’re very easy to please,” he said as he threw one of the plastic balls back in her direction, watching it neatly bounce off her forehead with a soft thunk before he settled back down on his now stationary air mattress and closed his eyes.
His peace was not to last. Joker felt rather than saw the turbulence of Harley moving through the ball pit, getting closer to where he was lounging on the surface. He half opened one suspicious eye to see what she was doing and found her a few feet away, paused with a hopeful expression on her face.
“Why don’t you come and join me, Puddin’?” she asked with a flirtatious glint in her eyes that caused him to give a sigh of resignation. “The water’s lovely!” she added, mock-backstroking towards the edge of the sunken ball pit area and sending stray balls flying with every flailing arm.
She was clearly determined to disrupt his quiet time. Didn’t she realise that some people were up all night, scheming and wracking their brains for ways to bring screams of laughter and horror to this fair city? All she’d had to do was a few pages of chores, collect supplies from several warehouses across town, feed the hyenas, pick up some dry cleaning and rub his feet to help stimulate the creative sectors of his brain. Practically nothing! He supposed that he could still send her out for cocktail fruit, but his interest in overly decorative tropical drinks had faded.
There had to be some way to get some peace and quiet around here, even if just for the duration of a half-hour catnap…
Across the ball pit, Harley was doing a fair impression of a sea lion having an epileptic fit in the middle of a Sea World show. He coughed discretely, catching her attention.
“Did you know, Harleykins, there have been several documented cases of rattlesnakes being found living in the bottom of ball pits,” he said in a carefully conversational tone. At the mention of rattlesnakes, Harley instantly stalled in her sea lion-like flailing.
“Rattlesnakes?” she gave a nervous laugh and looked cautiously around at the seemingly harmless plastic balls. “That’s not really true, is it Puddin’? What would rattlesnakes eat in somewhere like this?”
“Oh, lots of things get lost in ball pits, Pumpkin,” he nodded at her sagely. “Half-eaten burgers and hotdogs, dropped candy, medium-sized toddlers.”
“A rattlesnake couldn’t eat a toddler!” she protested, inching slowly closer to the steps at the side of the pen. It was taking a lot of effort to restrain his giggles at her gullibility.
“No, but you see the snakes don’t know that, so they often give it a darn good try.” He waved a casual hand over the area of the ball pit. “Y’know, an area of this size could probably support a small family group. Since this place has been shut for six months, if there were any then they’d have to be pretty hungry by now…”
“I think I’ve had enough time in the ball pit,” Harley said in a wavering tone as she stumbled over her own feet in an attempt to clamber out of the pen as quickly as possible. She brushed down her costume several times as though checking for invisible snakes that might have been wrapped around her legs.
“Oh, that’s a shame,” Joker clucked with mock-sincerity. “Still, since you’re out now, hows about firing up the cotton candy machine? I’ll stay here and keep watch for any rattlesnakes so you’ll know if it’s safe to play in later.”
“Okay Puddin’,” Harley conceded. “But be careful.” She blew him a kiss and disappeared into the storeroom murmuring something about ‘her man being so brave…’
Joker chuckled quietly to himself and settled back on his air mattress for a blessedly peaceful snooze; pondering how delightful it would be to smuggle ball-shaped canisters of happy gas into playcentres across Gotham. Parents were always simpering about the joyous laughter of their precious little darlings - what more could they ask for than to hear the laughter of their little darlings continuously?
As he drifted off, he also wondered about the practicalities of borrowing a few baby rattlesnakes from the zoo.
Fin
***
End note: I confess this is very loosely connected to the prompt. If pressed, I will claim that either it was a "perfect crime" Joker luring Harley away to get some peace and quiet, or or will be a "perfect crime" to hide happy poisonous gas/snakes in ball bits across town (and, in poor Harley's case, in the hideout probably too!).
Mostly I just got stuck at the last minute and could think of nothing but ball pits and nonsense!