(no subject)

[batboybite]

I see them everywhere...when I close my eyes, when mine are open, in my dreams, in my long days, in the faces of others...strangers on the street, or those I hold dearly, in the freedom of the hawk in flight, from the youngest child to the eldest of every clan, in that thing in the mirror, and in those seldom...almost fantastical moments alone...I see them in myself...buried deep within...I used to believe that if one doesn't talk about a thing, it has never happened. Perhaps I still do...or perhaps I wish it were so. I feel the need to blame myself for so much. I suppose when we blame ourselves, we feel that no one else has a right to blame us. Why is it that I did not and cannot feel this tragedy as much as I want to? As much as I should? I don't think I am heartless. Do you? (When we are happy, we are always good, but when we are good, we are not alwyas happy.) Why is it I take in so high regard their owner. Certainly. The reason we like to think so well of others is that we are all afraid of ourselves. The basis of optimism is sheer terror. But does that really suit? Our weakest motives were those of whose nature we are conscious. These must be of the most particularly sturdy and secretive of motives...; How I would love to delve into their depths and discover their innermost fires...in a way haven't I already done so? Now all that is left is to dissolve their secrets into something...something...something I can digest slowly inside me...or even inhale quickly; swallow hole in one shocking affair...looking back on this passage of inspiration concealed and upon these last months it all seems quite in discord, quite dittached, quite like a puzzle without most of the pieces, quite childish, quite rediculous, quite like a dream...perhaps it is only shallow people who require years to get rid of an emotion...isn't there always something so rediculous about the emotions of people whom one has ceased to love?

your eyes
as we said our goodbyes
can't get them out of my mind
and i find that i can't hide
from your eyes
the one's that took me by surprise
the night you came into my life
where there's moonlight
i see your eyes
how'd i let you slip away
when i'm longing so to hold you
now i'd die for one more day
cause there's something i should have told you
there's something i should have told you
when i looked into your eyes
why does distance make us wise
you were the song all along
and before the song dies
i should tell you i should tell you
i have always loved you
you can see it in my eyes