My Genious, I fear, even surprises me.
After days of fighting with writers block, the story that was bound to be told finally erupted from my soul, pouring itself into my computer, each key of my keyboard harshly hit, as I gruel out a masterpiece. And my friends, I assure you, this is a masterpiece.
TITLE ; Mission Makeover
AUTHOR ; Me | Amanda | Harriet | batbogeys
SUMMARY ; Ron Weasley, minister of magic, has done nothing but ignore Whats-Her-Face her whole five years of working for him. What will she do when four of the most unlikely people help her? Follow the story of love, laughter, and lust.
RATING ; Light R. I mean, there's some cursing, and a little innuendo other than that, it's clean!
DISCLAIMER ; Ron and Harry are Rowlings. Ginny and Hermione are mine and Ashleys (well, they're technically Rowlings, but these are mostly based off of mine and Ashley's Hermione and Ginny). Ashley belongs to herself. Caitlin belongs to herself. Daniel Radcliffe, Andy Roddick, and Robert Pattinson belong to themself. And I must be forgetting something, but really, I can always add it later.
AUTHOR NOTE ; This is notmybusiness, A.K.A Caitlin's birthday present. Caitlin has an unhealthy obsession with Ron. Therefore, Manda made Caitlin and Caitlin/Ron story. By doing this, I had to break my pairing Ron/Hermione, and seeing that I love Hermione, and Ashley would kill me if I made her disapear, I had H/G/Hr all get married. It's quite funny to be honest... But this is fake. It isn't a story to be taken seriously (and if you take any stories seriously, you should be shot). This is merely me and my sick twisted mind having fun. I do that a lot.
WARNING ; Hermione/Harry/Ginny Marriage. It's humongous.
Caitlin, I stole one of your pictures to make this banner, because...because I said so! :-)
“Um…Minister? Sir?” Caitlin stuck her head through the door, before slipping completely in. She fumbled with her hands nervously, looking down at her feet. “Excuse me, Minister, you, um, well, you see, there’s um…well…someone to, um…see you,” Caitlin finished lamely, trying to ignore the girl who was currently sitting on top of Ron Weasley’s desk. She tried not to note that her legs were spread wide open (she was wearing a skit!) or that her shirt was low cut (were some of the buttons missing?) or the fact she was giggling, as Ron looked up at her, a sly grin across his features.
Ron waved a hand at her lazily. “Dismiss them, I’ll talk with whoever it is later,” he said, not bothering to take his eyes off of said girl.
Ginny Weasley-Granger-Potter pushed past Caitlin, rolling her chocolate eyes. “You will do no such thing like dismiss me, Ronald Weasley, even if you are the Minister of Magic.”
Hermione Weasley-Granger-Potter wasn’t far behind, as she walked into the room, smiling kindly at Caitlin. She regarded the girl on Ron’s desk with disgust, before turning back to Caitlin. “Does he have taste at all?” she mouthed the question to her, and Caitlin blushed slightly shrugging her shoulders.
“To answer your question, Hermione, no, my brother does not have taste at all,” Ginny said simply, as she shoved the girl off the top of his desk, watching with satisfaction as she landed on her back side with a ‘humph.’ “Now, if you will kindly leave, I have urgent business to discuss with my brother,” Ginny stated, pointing towards the door.
The girl seemed to be grabbing as much dignity as she possibly could, as she gathered her things; it was evident she saw Ginny was a force not to be reckoned with. “Owl me?” she asked, her voice turning giggly as she looked at Ron.
He merely nodded, before dismissing her with a sad sigh.
When the door closed behind her, Ginny sat down in the chair opposite of Ron. “Really that desperate?” she asked, an eyebrow arched, a small smile turning up the corners of her mouth.
Ron looked at Ginny darkly, before readjusting himself in his chair. “Bethany, make sure--”
“Who is Bethany?” Hermione interrupted Ron, settling herself in the seat next to Ginny.
Ron looked at her stupidly, before pointing to Caitlin. “My secretary of course,” he said this, as if explaining to a five year old.
Hermione huffed, and steam issued from Ginny’s ears. Ginny started “She’s been your bloody secretary for five years--”
“--And you still don’t know her name!” Hermione exclaimed, finishing for Ginny. Caitlin shrunk in the corner, her cheeks bypassing red, and turning a deep shade of maroon.
Ron stammered, though his reply was incoherent.
Both girls sat up straighter, and began their rounds on him.
“You bloody prat! Who--”
“How dare you!”
“--do you think you are?! Have--”
“Do you respect anyone other than yourself?”
“--no feelings, do you?!”
Ron sank in his chair. Now really, this was no way to treat the Minister of Magic, was it? With this revelation, he sat up taller in his seat, then scowled. “Leave me alone,” he ordered.
“Oh, your comebacks astound me,” Ginny hissed, as the door opened yet again.
“What did my best mate do to my two lovely wife’s now?” Harry Weasley-Granger-Potter asked, walking into the room, wearing a crooked grin. Both Ginny and Hermione sighed collectively (yes, they do work as one, because this is my story, and I said so!) and stood up, to place a kiss on either side of their husbands face. Sickening, really, but that wasn’t the point.
“Please inform me why I gave you three permission to marry one another?” Ron asked, groaning loudly, running a hand along the side of his face.
The happy threesome continued to ignore him, as they all sat down, Ginny glued to Harry’s right, Hermione sticking to his left. The threesome had been married for quite sometime, and again they were in the running for Oddest Couple of The Year award, which, coincidentally they had been winning ever since they announced of their plan to marry.
That’s another story entirely.
“Moving on,” Hermione said sternly, glancing around Harry, and casting her eyes on Ginny. “Ginny and I feel that it is time to take action, concerning the areas of…you. You have been a bachelor for how long? Frankly, we think it’s time you settled down, and stop gracing the cover of Witch Weekly with a million different girls.”
Ron narrowed his eyes, signaling out Harry. “Did you know about this intervention?”
Harry merely shrugged. “Not really. I’m merely here for the food,” he said indicating the cookie in his right hand, and the banana in his left.
“We have made a list for you of girls we deem eligible,” Ginny stated, handing Ron a list.
Picking it up, Ron shook his head. “There’s only one girl on here,” Ron started, apparently taken aback. “Who is Caitlin Fookmeron?”
Ginny and Hermione’s jaw dropped (yes, at the same time, deal with it!) and they both made move to get up, but Harry held them back (yes, Harry is so strong and manly in my story!).
Caitlin squeaked in the background, before rushing out the door.
“Good Merlin, who was that?” Ron asked.
Hermione jumped up, staring at Ron indignantly, before turning on her heel, and stomping out, Ginny following suit. “I can’t believe him!” Hermione exclaimed, throwing her hands into the air in frustration.
Ginny sighed, before walking to where Caitlin sat, her face buried in her hands. “Don’t let him get to you Caitlin,” she said softly, in a reassuring tone.
“Five years,” she said quietly. “And he still doesn’t know who I am,” her voice was muffled and shaky, and Ginny and Hermione couldn’t help but exchange sad glances.
“What you need,” a new voice interrupted, “is to make yourself more noticeable, as well as desirable.” There was a loud POP, and a girl the size of a fairy appeared. Light pink hair, and dressed up in a pink flowey dress, the wings on her back flapped up and down, and she smiled widely at the girls. There was another loud POP, and a girl who looked to be a replica of the first one (minus the small fact she was decked out in green instead of pink) appeared.
Ginny and Caitlin couldn’t help but stare, as the tiny girls hung in the air, their tiny wings working to keep them airborne.
“Who are you?” Ginny asked, folding her arms across her chest.
“Well, isn’t it obvious?” Hermione asked in exasperated tone, glancing at Ginny. When neither Ginny nor Caitlin seemed to have the answer, Hermione went on. “They’re Caitlin’s Fairy God Parents.”
“Precisely,” the green haired one said, smiling brightly.
With a snap, and a cloud of dust, both girls emerged, the size of the other three girls in the room. Smiling brightly (they smile brightly a lot, they‘re faeries and can‘t help it), they glanced around. “It doesn’t seem as scary when you’re this size,” the one with pink hair commented to the one with green hair, and she nodded her head in agreement.
A few moments silence passed, as the God Parents looked around the room. “I hate to barge in on your amazement,” Ginny started, looking at the God Parents, “but now that we know what you are, care to explain why you’re here and who you are to be exact?”
The girls both blinked and then they glanced at each other. “We forgot our manners!” Clearing their throats, and snapping their fingers, music suddenly started to play out of nowhere. And then…they danced. (Oh yeah, and sang!)
PINK&GREEN
Ooh, baby, do you know what that's worth ?
Ooh spas are a place on earth
They say in spas, beauty comes first
We'll make spas a place on earth
Ooh spas are a place on earth
PINK
When the night falls down
You wait for Ron
He won’t come around
Yet the world's alive
With the sound of whores
On his desk at night
GREEN
When you’ll walk into a room
His jaw will drop, unable to move
He’ll be spinning with the stars above
Once you‘ve agreed to this makeover, loove...
PINK&GREEN
Ooh, baby, do you know what that's worth ?
Ooh spas are a place on earth
They say in spas, beauty comes first
We'll make spas a place on earth
Ooh spas are a place on earth
GREEN
When you feel alone
You reach for him
But you’re still alone
When you’re frustrated sexually
You long for him
Don’t look surprised Gin-knee
PINK&GREEN
In his world he’s just beginning
To understand the power of effing
Maybe you were afraid before
But don’t be afraid anymore
PINK
Ooh, baby, do you know what that's worth ?
Ooh spas are a place on earth
They say in spas, beauty comes first
We'll make spas a place on earth
Ooh spas are a place on earth
Spaaaaa’s spaaaaaa’s spaaaaa’s
In his world he’s just beginning
To understand the power of effing
Maybe you were afraid before
But don’t be afraid anymore
Spaaaaa’s.
Ooh, baby, do you know what that's worth ?
Ooh spas are a place on earth
They say in spas, beauty comes first
We'll make spas a place on earth
Ooh spas are a place on earth
Ooh spas are a place on earth
Ooh spas are a place on earth
Ooh spas are a place on earth
Ooh spas are a place on earth
Ooh spas are a place on earth
Ooh spas are a place on earth
Ooh spas are a place on earth [FADE OUT]
The song finished, and both girl extended their arms in the air, grinning wildly. Chests heaving, they took their bow, as Caitlin, Hermione, and Ginny clapped loudly.
“I give you props,” Hermione said once everyone had calmed down.
“Thanks. We’ve been working on that for weeks,” the one with pink hair said. Smoothing down the front of her shirt, she cleared her throat “By the way, names Ashley.” She extended her hand, and the girls shook it in turn.
The one with green hair stepped forward. “And I’m Amanda!” Amanda followed suit (yes, I did insert myself in this story, along with Ashley, and again, DEAL WITH IT!).
“So you’re…my fairy god parents?” Caitlin asked slowly, looking between the two odd looking girls.
They nodded.
“And you’re here to help Caitlin get noticed by Ron, correct? It’s about time. We’ve tried,” Hermione said, nodding her head.
“Very smart,” Ashley nodded her head in approval. “But we need your help.”
“Our help?” Ginny asked, pushing some hair behind her ear. “Haven’t we done what we could already?”
“Yes, but we will still need your expertise,” Amanda said smoothly. “You see, as I’m sure you are all aware, once upon a time, Ron was attracted to Hermione. At least until Hermione married Ginny and Harry. So, Hermione, this is why we’re recruiting your help. We want you to teach Caitlin to be as confusing as possible. Ron liked that in you.”
Hermione nodded proudly. “I did try,” she said, as if attempting to be modest. She was failing miserably.
“Okay...but where do I come in?” Ginny asked, hands on hips, and eyebrow raised,
“Well, again, like we’re positive you know this, Ron seems to be attracted to well…you know…whores. And with your track record Ginny, you’re our prime candidate to teach Caitlin to be a whore. I mean, honestly, two boyfriends? Whore!” Amanda said, a serious look across her features.
“I always knew my willingness to go out with boys would come back and bite me in the end. I can’t help it if I’m sexy!” Ginny said indignantly, as Hermione patted her on the back comfortingly.
“It’s fine. Just teach Caitlin how to be a whore, okay?”
Ginny sighed, merely nodding.
“So…what are you two going to be doing then?” Hermione asked, looking at them curiously.
“We’ll be in charge of the makeover itself,” Ashley said, nodding her head. “Now, off we go!” she exclaimed, waving her hands.
The surroundings quickly faded into a shop full of clothes. It was a rather cloudy place, as well as a little bright.
“Welcome to GPGalore!” a misty voice called from the clouds. Ashley couldn’t seem to stop the girlish giggle, her eyes trained on a specific cloud.
“Hi Andy,” she said, her cheeks going dangerously red, as she bit down on her bottom lip.
“Hey Ash,” the same voice said, as it emerged from the clouds. His eyes twinkled at her, before winking, and turning to Caitlin. “Ah!” he exclaimed stepping back.
“She isn’t that horrifying!” both Ginny and Hermione exclaimed coming to Caitlin’s defense.
“Oh…it’s not that! Forgive me, but… there’s just…a spider..” Andy trailed off, running to hide behind Ashley.
“Stop grabbing my butt,” Ashley hissed only a few seconds later, slapping his hands away.
“You didn’t say that last night…”
“Honestly! Can we try to be professional here! This is jus--” But whatever this just was seemed to die on Amanda’s lips, and she too giggled like Ashley before her. “Daniel!” she gushed, rushing towards him, her arms flinging around a boy who had just appeared neck.
“Hullo,” he said cheerily. “Is that her?” he asked, pointing over Amanda’s shoulder, at Caitlin.
“Yes,” Ashley said, sending a few death glares at Amanda. Clearing her throat, Ashley continued, “Caitlin, we would like for you to meet our not-gay-very-straight fashion consultants, Andy Roddick and Daniel Radcliffe!”
“Now, shall we get down to business?” Daniel asked. “Where’s manikin?” he asked, looking around the room.
“Robert!” Ashley called, before whistling. “Come here Robert!” she called. There was a sudden stomping noise, and Robert Pattinson came bounding into the room, a wide smile across his face. Suddenly, in the middle of the room a large pedestal appeared, and Robert automatically went there. “DRESS ME!” he squealed, clapping his hands together.
“Guh, I love him,” Ashley muttered, receiving a pinch from Andy. “He doesn’t replace you though,” she assured.
Rolling her eyes, Amanda pushed past the Daniel, linking arms with Caitlin. “Watch, this is simple enough. While the conventional way to start this off, would be to dress you, over the years we have critiqued this where we dress someone else. This way, you have a full view of said outfit before you commit to just one. You pick a few of the outfits you like, then it is your turn to play dress up, and that’s when you make your final decision.”
“Sounds kind of fun,” Hermione commented thoughtfully, tilting her head to the side, looking up at Robert. “But…question! Each outfit looks different on people because of their body types. And I mean…clearly it’s obvious Caitlin and Robert are structured differently.”
“Thank you for pointing that out, Hermione,” Ashley said, grinning. “While this did present a problem back when we first started, with the help of our own magic, and our Fashion Designers, without altering Roberts delicious body, we will still be able to give you the proper idea of what a dress will look like on Caitlin herself.”
“Does Robert remind you of Cedirc Diggory at all?” Ginny murmured, standing close to Hermione’s ear.
Hermione nodded her head, “You know, now that you mention it, he kinda does…”
“Now for the fashion!” Andy exclaimed, clapping his hands together in the air. Suddenly the room became alive, and clouds began to materialize into clothing, flying up to grace Roberts body. He began to strike model poses, causing all five girls to slip into a state of awe, only revived when Daniel threw clouds in their face.
“Dressy!” Robert exclaimed, twirling around as a particularly sexy number appeared on him. The skirt was moved like ripples of water when he moved his hips, and both Amanda and Hermione gave audible gasps. “I’m too sexy for this dress!” Robert announce to the room, as he threw his arms in the air. Caitlin fainted, falling back onto a bed of clouds.
“Robert! How many times must I tell you not to do that?” Andy asked, his hands on his hips.
Robert merely shrugged, and the dresses stopped momentarily as Ginny and Hermione tried to revive Caitlin. “She’s just never seen so much sex appeal, poor dear,” Hermione said, shaking her head.
“Well, Robert seems to have a sex appeal that matches Harrys, and considering no one but us is able to control Harry’s sex appeal, it’s really only to be expected,” Ginny commented sadly, as she pulled Caitlin up.
“Wh…what happened?” she asked in a dazed tone, looking around.
“You have been sexified,” Ashley said, coming to look at Caitlin over Ginny’s shoulder. “It’s quite alright. When we first hired Robert, no one could--”
“WATCH OUT! ROBERT IS DOING THE PIRATE AGAIN!” Amanda exclaimed, covering her eyes. There was a loud, “ARRRG” from Roberts stand, and all of the girls seemed to horrified to look.
“What is he doing?!” Caitlin exclaimed, wincing.
“He does this every now and then,” Ashley explained, “he has Pirtitis, causing him to act like a pirate every 12 hours. Just pray he doesn’t ask you to kiss the pl--”
But it seemed to be too late for whatever Ashley had been explaining, because Robert was currently thrusting his pelvis into Caitlin’s face. “Arrg! Kiss the plank!”
Roberts thrusting in Caitlin’s face continued for a good twenty minutes, while Caitlin could only watch mesmerized. Ginny and Hermione could only watch, slightly horrified, as Ashley and Amanda both explained that the best thing to do was to let the moment pass.
Breathing heavily, Robert stopped his thrusting, before grabbing Caitlin’s arm, and pulling her behind the clouds. There was a moment of awkward silence, before screaming--and not painful screaming at that--began to materialize. Clothes were being thrown out of the clouds, and Ginny and Hermione looked at one another in shock.
“It’s about time,” Andy commented.
“I know,” Daniel agreed, nodding his head, before leaning against a cloud (you can lean against clouds in my story, yes).
“That’s what Robert is really here for,” Andy explained calmly, looking at Hermione and Ginny. “We’re not really fashion designers, just Godparents as well, but it’s part of the act. In reality, Caitlin will come out of there a brand new woman.”
“I only wish I had Roberts job,” Daniel commented, before mysteriously he could no longer lean on the cloud. He fell threw, and Ashley giggled, as Amanda smirked at him.
“So…what about her clothes? And her look?” Ginny asked, looking at Andy.
“Like said, she’ll be a brand new woman. Confident, elegant, seductive. These are all traits that women have, they just tend to keep it locked up, unaware of their…sensuality, I suppose you could say. Robert, being well, a looker, is able to pull the new found confidence out. It also helps that those clouds are magic, so when she emerges, she will be decked out clothing that suits her and she--” Andy paused at this as a loud moan floated around the room, “--will be set.”
“Well, not completely set,” Amanda interjected. “She still needs your help. We’ve gotten her as far as we could get her. What we need is for you two to make her a permanent. As of right now, when she emerges, as far as Ron is concerned, she is just another one of those dumb chicks who has fallen into bed with him. With you help, she will become confusing and seductive enough to keep him around for however long they’re destined.”
“Really, we couldn’t have done this without one another,” Ashley said, nodding her head. “While you two did a nice job trying to get Ron to notice her as was, she still didn’t have the spark she needed to catch his eye. With our help, the spark was brought out. Now, we can’t finish without you two, as explained before. Team work,” Ashley said. “Simple as that.”
Neither Hermione or Ginny had time to reply to this, as Caitlin came strutting out of the clouds, head held high, and her hands on her hips. She seemed to be glowing, her hair curling out at the tips, a broad smile on her face. She was wearing a fairly short black skirt, that went to mid-thigh. Her dark gray shirt was low cut, and on the tight side.
“Caitlin!” Hermione and Ginny exclaimed, both clearly taken aback by this.
“Hello,” she said smoothly, grinning at the brunette and the redhead. She turned her head, almost in slow motion, and her hair flew behind her back.
Robert emerged a few moments later, a satisfied smile across his features. “Arrg,” he said, winking at Caitlin, before leaning casually against a cloud.
“MY TURN!” both Hermione and Ginny exclaimed, hands shooting in air. “You’re married!--STOP THAT!--NO! YOU STOP!--IT’S MY--”
“Ladies, ladies,” Daniel interjected, “calm down. Robert is only reserved for special cases, not random shags.”
Both Ginny and Hermione scowled at this new found information, while Ashley cleared her throat. “Now, it’s time for you, Hermione to teach Caitlin to b confusing.”
“Huh?” Caitlin asked?
“This is going to take a long time,” Hermione said quietly, before she started in on the long grueling process.
~*~*~*~
“Andy, I do wish you would talk about your feelings more,” Caitlin was saying two hours later, a frown settling across her pretty features.
Andy stared at her for a few moments, his brow furrowing in confusion. “But…wha…well…what are you on about?”
“And you pass!” Hermione exclaimed as she patted Caitlin on the shoulder. “Being confusing isn’t all that hard, now is it?”
Caitlin laughed, clapping her hands together, as she ignored the still confused Andy.
“Did I miss something?” he asked, as Ashley came up behind him, her arms folded across her chest.
“You know, she’s right. I do wish you would talk about your feelings more. You never tell me how you feel,” she complained, sitting down in a cloud chair that had just materialized behind her.
Andy sputtered, but everyone ignored him.
“So, now I guess it’s my turn,” Ginny said calmly, linking arms with Caitlin. “Being easy is quite easy, I promise.”
~*~*~*~
“Roberrrrrt.” Caitlin purred half an hour later (yes, it was that easy!), as she leaned close to him, her lips against his ear. “Robert, why don’t you take me behind those clouds again?” she whispered suggestively.
Robert, heaven help him, could do no nothing but gape at Caitlin who was currently straddling his lap. Really, no woman had ever had such control over him before! He licked his dry lips, praying that the blood would stop rushing south.
“Um…yeah…th--”
“See! It wasn’t that hard! Do you see how much power you hold over his head when straddle him? The lips against the ear was a good touch, I hadn’t even thought about giving you that tip!” Ginny said, as she pulled Caitlin off of Roberts laugh.
Giggling, Ashley and Amanda appeared, pointing at Robert. “Ginny, you really should teach us to do that,” Amanda commented. Ashley could only nod her agrement.
“Anytime, I’d be willing to help,” Ginny said proudly, nodding her head. She didn’t even bother to attempt to be modest.
Caitlin smoothed the front of her dress, her old nervous self shining through momentarily. “Am I ready?” she asked quietly, her cheeks flushing, eyes looking hopeful.
Ashley nodded. “Caitlin, it still may take a little work. As much as we wish it were, this isn’t a fairytale. It may take some time, but don’t let this dishearten you, alright?”
“Yeah, okay,” Caitlin said, nodding her head, still looking weary. “Will I see you again?”
“It’s possible,” Amanda nodded, a sly smile across her features.
“We should exchange owls, so we can go drinking sometime,” Hermione commented, nodding firmly at Ashley and Amanda.
Both girls sighed. “I knew making them alcoholics at witch mail would be a bad idea,” Ashley mumbled, shaking her head. “Actually, we don’t drink. We just have fun getting you two smashed,” Ashley explained.
Hermione nodded as realization dawned. “I always thought that was funny. I mean…I usually find drinking repulsive.”
“Yeah, us too, bu--”
“Ashley, we’re getting off topic,” Amanda cut in, shaking her head. “Caitlin should probably be introduced to Witch Mail before we go too deep on that, okay?”
“Fine,” Ashley grumbled glaring at Amanda. Sighing and shaking her head, Amanda turned back to Caitlin. “Back to your story. As of right now, you are on your own. However…do not fret. I’m sure Hermione and or Ginny are only an owl away. If you need us, all you must do is click your heels four times and say ‘Bitch where’s my hoes?’ over and over again--”
“No, Amanda, that’s the one that gets a pimp his hoe!” Ashley interjected.
“Man! I knew I told Kevin Federline the wrong thing. No wonder he’s with Britney, he probably thinks that’s his new fairy..”
“…Your Kevin Federlines fairy?” Hermione asked, her eyebrows practically disappearing.
“You can tell that’s one of our more hopeless causes,” Ashley explained, laughing nervously. “What I think you do is…”
“Rub a bottle?” Daniel offered.
“No. That’s for Christina. I think. I’m a genie in a bottle,” Ashley and Amanda both started to imitate belly dancers.
“Stick to your day job,” Andy said, laughing at their failed attempts to be sexy.
“I’m revoking sex,” Ashley said firmly. Andy couldn’t do anything but splutter.
“Ashley, you’re pulling me far too much from the story. Caitlin’s going to be late for that big important thing where she’s going to be bossed around and ignored by everyone,” Amanda snapped, her hands flying to her hips.
“How is this my fault?!”
“Because it jus--”
“Girls!” Hermione stepped in, looking very stern all of a sudden. “Just tell Caitlin the damn thing to say, so we can get this show on the road!”
“How very Ginnyesque of you,” Ginny commented. Ginny and Hermione hugged passionately (well, for starters they are married, but they don’t kiss. Because…well…I said so, to be quite frank! And it’s my story!) before Ashley and Amanda both made move to throw up.
But that’s another story entirely.
“Oh! I remember what you had to do now!” Ashley exclaimed. Placing her left hand over her left eye, Ashley went “Arrrg! Aye! Matey!” three times in a row.
“You mean to say I have to act like a pirate to get you back?” Caitlin said slowly, obviously at a complete loss for words.
“Yes, exactly. Glad you caught on,” Amanda said, giggling at Ashley, who was currently chasing Andy around with her pink glittery wand, brandishing it like a sword.
“So…um…shouldn’t you be leaving now?” Amanda continued, narrowing her eyes at Caitlin.
“Well…I um…”
“I mean, despite what Cinderella may have lead you to believe, we don’t do pumpkin carriages. It’s completely tactless. And really the Muggle idea of--”
“I don’t think she knows how to leave,” Ginny interjected, looking calmly at Amanda.
“Oh yeah.” She pointed behind her to a big flashing sign the read exit. “Heroines, as in me, Ashley, Hermione, and Ginny, will stay behind as you go on to meet your fate.” And without warning, Amanda, Hermione, and Ginny (Ashley and Andy had mysteriously disappeared behind a cloud) we pushing Caitlin into a big white hole that--
--wasn’t really a hole at all! Caitlin was back where she had started the whole thing, by her desk. Glancing at her watch, Caitlin suddenly realized she was very late for that meeting she was going to be ignored at! Picking up Ron’s notes, she hurried down the hall to the conference room, suddenly very aware her skirt was very short, her shirt was very tight, and her boobs were practically popping out.
You look fine, a voice snapped in her head.
…Is this my conscience?
No, this is God. Hai!
…
It’s Amanda and Ashley you idiot. We’re your God Parents…
I know who you are…but…why are you in my head?
We needed to make the time where you were walking toward the conference room because saying you were just walking sounded a bit too boring.
…Right, well I’m here, you can leave my head now
With that, Caitlin burst into the conference room, her cheeks slightly flushed, her hair flowing behind her as if caught in a breeze. However, the room was seemed not to have noticed this, as there were no current wind. Ron went on talking to the other important people, as if nothing happened.
Sitting down in a corner away from the table, Caitlin chewed on her lip, tapping her quill against her parchment, looking around. There wasn’t really anyone familiar untill…
Is that Diddy?
Caitlin blinked a few times as the rapper came into view, her jaw dropping slightly. She always knew there was something off about him, she just hadn’t been aware he was magic.
How do you think his records sold? Hi God-Given-Talent? Hah! That’s laughable!
The meeting continued as Caitlin pondered these thoughts.
After what felt like forever (two hours fifteen minutes, and seven seconds to be exact…not that Caitlin was counting or anything) the meeting was closed, and everyone got up to leave. Holding Ron’s notes tighter to her chest, she stood up, and stalked over to stand behind Ron.
“Angelica? Is that you?” Ron asked, without looking up from his notes.
“Erm…no, sir, it’s Caitlin.”
“Caitlin?” Ron asked, looking up. His jaw dropped, and a charming (yes, I know, Ron and charming normally do not match, but right now, they do!) smile appeared across his features. “Ron Weasley. Dunno if you’ve heard of me? Minister of Magic at your service.”
Caitlin shook her head, taking a deep calming breath. “I’m well aware of who you are Minister, I have been your secretary for five years.”
“Lucille?” he asked, cringing at the fact he knew it was wrong.
“No. I am only going to repeat my name once more, Minister, and you are going to remember it.” With this, Caitlin pushed Ron back into his seat, before straddling his lap. “My name is Caitlin. Caitlin Fookmeron--”
“As much as that’s tempting, but I don’t think fucking you on the table is a good idea,” Ron said slowly.
“No! No! No! My last name is Fookmeroon. I am Caitlin Fookmeron, okay?”
Ron nodded, gulping.
“Are you going to be able to remember that? Or am I going to have to make life painful for you?”
“I promise to remember,” Ron squeaked.
“That’s a good boy. Now…what is my name?”
“Caitlin Fookmeron.”
“Good. What do I do?”
“You’re my secretary.”
“Correct. How will you treat me?”
“Like you’re the best bloody whore I will ever fuck?”
“Corr--hey!” Caitlin exclaimed, as Ron chuckled, and pulled Caitlin into a long, firm, passionate, never-ending kiss.
The end?
NOT QUITE!
Like the never-ending kiss, this is the never-ending story. Well, okay, not true, because Ron and Caitlin eventually did break away, and this story will end…eventually of course.
Every good…well…okay, not good, but every story must reach some kind of conclusion, some kind of finishing statement that gives you piece of mind that the story is in fact over. So here goes nothing!
When Ron and Caitlin did break away, it was only to hear an eruption of cheers. They were surrounded by Hermione, Ginny, Harry, Amanda, Daniel, the Wealsey clan, P. Diddy, Kevin Federline, and other, threw confetti and rice at the happy couple.
Caitlin jumped up, and ran to hug Hermione, Ginny, and Amanda. “Thank you so much!” she exclaimed.
“Oh! Don’t mention it!” Amanda said, “It was no problem at all. Sorry it took us forever.”
“That doesn’t matter! I can’t thank you enough!”
“Please, don’t mention it!”
“Oh but--wait a minute…where’s Ashley?”
“Oh...well…you see…she and Andy….they…well, they kind of got lost behind some clouds,” Amanda coughed, her cheeks going red.
“Ew.”
“Yeah, just a little.”
“So…is there any chance…Ron and I could…”
“Could what?” Ron asked, coming up behind Caitlin, and wrapping his arms around her waist.
“Ew!” Ginny exclaimed, glaring at her older brother.
“You know…get lost behind the clouds together.”
“Oh…well…you know what? What the heck! Everyone grab a partner!” Amanda exclaimed. The people in the room looked at her as if she were crazy, but latched onto someone. “Right! Cloudfookus!” Amanda exclaimed, and the room suddenly fogged up.
“Ohh,” Ron said, grinning mischievously.
Caitlin merely smiled, as she pulled Ron closer.
And that my friends, is THE END. I know, finally.
TITLE ; Mission Makeover
AUTHOR ; Me | Amanda | Harriet | batbogeys
SUMMARY ; Ron Weasley, minister of magic, has done nothing but ignore Whats-Her-Face her whole five years of working for him. What will she do when four of the most unlikely people help her? Follow the story of love, laughter, and lust.
RATING ; Light R. I mean, there's some cursing, and a little innuendo other than that, it's clean!
DISCLAIMER ; Ron and Harry are Rowlings. Ginny and Hermione are mine and Ashleys (well, they're technically Rowlings, but these are mostly based off of mine and Ashley's Hermione and Ginny). Ashley belongs to herself. Caitlin belongs to herself. Daniel Radcliffe, Andy Roddick, and Robert Pattinson belong to themself. And I must be forgetting something, but really, I can always add it later.
AUTHOR NOTE ; This is notmybusiness, A.K.A Caitlin's birthday present. Caitlin has an unhealthy obsession with Ron. Therefore, Manda made Caitlin and Caitlin/Ron story. By doing this, I had to break my pairing Ron/Hermione, and seeing that I love Hermione, and Ashley would kill me if I made her disapear, I had H/G/Hr all get married. It's quite funny to be honest... But this is fake. It isn't a story to be taken seriously (and if you take any stories seriously, you should be shot). This is merely me and my sick twisted mind having fun. I do that a lot.
WARNING ; Hermione/Harry/Ginny Marriage. It's humongous.
Caitlin, I stole one of your pictures to make this banner, because...because I said so! :-)
“Um…Minister? Sir?” Caitlin stuck her head through the door, before slipping completely in. She fumbled with her hands nervously, looking down at her feet. “Excuse me, Minister, you, um, well, you see, there’s um…well…someone to, um…see you,” Caitlin finished lamely, trying to ignore the girl who was currently sitting on top of Ron Weasley’s desk. She tried not to note that her legs were spread wide open (she was wearing a skit!) or that her shirt was low cut (were some of the buttons missing?) or the fact she was giggling, as Ron looked up at her, a sly grin across his features.
Ron waved a hand at her lazily. “Dismiss them, I’ll talk with whoever it is later,” he said, not bothering to take his eyes off of said girl.
Ginny Weasley-Granger-Potter pushed past Caitlin, rolling her chocolate eyes. “You will do no such thing like dismiss me, Ronald Weasley, even if you are the Minister of Magic.”
Hermione Weasley-Granger-Potter wasn’t far behind, as she walked into the room, smiling kindly at Caitlin. She regarded the girl on Ron’s desk with disgust, before turning back to Caitlin. “Does he have taste at all?” she mouthed the question to her, and Caitlin blushed slightly shrugging her shoulders.
“To answer your question, Hermione, no, my brother does not have taste at all,” Ginny said simply, as she shoved the girl off the top of his desk, watching with satisfaction as she landed on her back side with a ‘humph.’ “Now, if you will kindly leave, I have urgent business to discuss with my brother,” Ginny stated, pointing towards the door.
The girl seemed to be grabbing as much dignity as she possibly could, as she gathered her things; it was evident she saw Ginny was a force not to be reckoned with. “Owl me?” she asked, her voice turning giggly as she looked at Ron.
He merely nodded, before dismissing her with a sad sigh.
When the door closed behind her, Ginny sat down in the chair opposite of Ron. “Really that desperate?” she asked, an eyebrow arched, a small smile turning up the corners of her mouth.
Ron looked at Ginny darkly, before readjusting himself in his chair. “Bethany, make sure--”
“Who is Bethany?” Hermione interrupted Ron, settling herself in the seat next to Ginny.
Ron looked at her stupidly, before pointing to Caitlin. “My secretary of course,” he said this, as if explaining to a five year old.
Hermione huffed, and steam issued from Ginny’s ears. Ginny started “She’s been your bloody secretary for five years--”
“--And you still don’t know her name!” Hermione exclaimed, finishing for Ginny. Caitlin shrunk in the corner, her cheeks bypassing red, and turning a deep shade of maroon.
Ron stammered, though his reply was incoherent.
Both girls sat up straighter, and began their rounds on him.
“You bloody prat! Who--”
“How dare you!”
“--do you think you are?! Have--”
“Do you respect anyone other than yourself?”
“--no feelings, do you?!”
Ron sank in his chair. Now really, this was no way to treat the Minister of Magic, was it? With this revelation, he sat up taller in his seat, then scowled. “Leave me alone,” he ordered.
“Oh, your comebacks astound me,” Ginny hissed, as the door opened yet again.
“What did my best mate do to my two lovely wife’s now?” Harry Weasley-Granger-Potter asked, walking into the room, wearing a crooked grin. Both Ginny and Hermione sighed collectively (yes, they do work as one, because this is my story, and I said so!) and stood up, to place a kiss on either side of their husbands face. Sickening, really, but that wasn’t the point.
“Please inform me why I gave you three permission to marry one another?” Ron asked, groaning loudly, running a hand along the side of his face.
The happy threesome continued to ignore him, as they all sat down, Ginny glued to Harry’s right, Hermione sticking to his left. The threesome had been married for quite sometime, and again they were in the running for Oddest Couple of The Year award, which, coincidentally they had been winning ever since they announced of their plan to marry.
That’s another story entirely.
“Moving on,” Hermione said sternly, glancing around Harry, and casting her eyes on Ginny. “Ginny and I feel that it is time to take action, concerning the areas of…you. You have been a bachelor for how long? Frankly, we think it’s time you settled down, and stop gracing the cover of Witch Weekly with a million different girls.”
Ron narrowed his eyes, signaling out Harry. “Did you know about this intervention?”
Harry merely shrugged. “Not really. I’m merely here for the food,” he said indicating the cookie in his right hand, and the banana in his left.
“We have made a list for you of girls we deem eligible,” Ginny stated, handing Ron a list.
Picking it up, Ron shook his head. “There’s only one girl on here,” Ron started, apparently taken aback. “Who is Caitlin Fookmeron?”
Ginny and Hermione’s jaw dropped (yes, at the same time, deal with it!) and they both made move to get up, but Harry held them back (yes, Harry is so strong and manly in my story!).
Caitlin squeaked in the background, before rushing out the door.
“Good Merlin, who was that?” Ron asked.
Hermione jumped up, staring at Ron indignantly, before turning on her heel, and stomping out, Ginny following suit. “I can’t believe him!” Hermione exclaimed, throwing her hands into the air in frustration.
Ginny sighed, before walking to where Caitlin sat, her face buried in her hands. “Don’t let him get to you Caitlin,” she said softly, in a reassuring tone.
“Five years,” she said quietly. “And he still doesn’t know who I am,” her voice was muffled and shaky, and Ginny and Hermione couldn’t help but exchange sad glances.
“What you need,” a new voice interrupted, “is to make yourself more noticeable, as well as desirable.” There was a loud POP, and a girl the size of a fairy appeared. Light pink hair, and dressed up in a pink flowey dress, the wings on her back flapped up and down, and she smiled widely at the girls. There was another loud POP, and a girl who looked to be a replica of the first one (minus the small fact she was decked out in green instead of pink) appeared.
Ginny and Caitlin couldn’t help but stare, as the tiny girls hung in the air, their tiny wings working to keep them airborne.
“Who are you?” Ginny asked, folding her arms across her chest.
“Well, isn’t it obvious?” Hermione asked in exasperated tone, glancing at Ginny. When neither Ginny nor Caitlin seemed to have the answer, Hermione went on. “They’re Caitlin’s Fairy God Parents.”
“Precisely,” the green haired one said, smiling brightly.
With a snap, and a cloud of dust, both girls emerged, the size of the other three girls in the room. Smiling brightly (they smile brightly a lot, they‘re faeries and can‘t help it), they glanced around. “It doesn’t seem as scary when you’re this size,” the one with pink hair commented to the one with green hair, and she nodded her head in agreement.
A few moments silence passed, as the God Parents looked around the room. “I hate to barge in on your amazement,” Ginny started, looking at the God Parents, “but now that we know what you are, care to explain why you’re here and who you are to be exact?”
The girls both blinked and then they glanced at each other. “We forgot our manners!” Clearing their throats, and snapping their fingers, music suddenly started to play out of nowhere. And then…they danced. (Oh yeah, and sang!)
PINK&GREEN
Ooh, baby, do you know what that's worth ?
Ooh spas are a place on earth
They say in spas, beauty comes first
We'll make spas a place on earth
Ooh spas are a place on earth
PINK
When the night falls down
You wait for Ron
He won’t come around
Yet the world's alive
With the sound of whores
On his desk at night
GREEN
When you’ll walk into a room
His jaw will drop, unable to move
He’ll be spinning with the stars above
Once you‘ve agreed to this makeover, loove...
PINK&GREEN
Ooh, baby, do you know what that's worth ?
Ooh spas are a place on earth
They say in spas, beauty comes first
We'll make spas a place on earth
Ooh spas are a place on earth
GREEN
When you feel alone
You reach for him
But you’re still alone
When you’re frustrated sexually
You long for him
Don’t look surprised Gin-knee
PINK&GREEN
In his world he’s just beginning
To understand the power of effing
Maybe you were afraid before
But don’t be afraid anymore
PINK
Ooh, baby, do you know what that's worth ?
Ooh spas are a place on earth
They say in spas, beauty comes first
We'll make spas a place on earth
Ooh spas are a place on earth
Spaaaaa’s spaaaaaa’s spaaaaa’s
In his world he’s just beginning
To understand the power of effing
Maybe you were afraid before
But don’t be afraid anymore
Spaaaaa’s.
Ooh, baby, do you know what that's worth ?
Ooh spas are a place on earth
They say in spas, beauty comes first
We'll make spas a place on earth
Ooh spas are a place on earth
Ooh spas are a place on earth
Ooh spas are a place on earth
Ooh spas are a place on earth
Ooh spas are a place on earth
Ooh spas are a place on earth
Ooh spas are a place on earth
Ooh spas are a place on earth [FADE OUT]
The song finished, and both girl extended their arms in the air, grinning wildly. Chests heaving, they took their bow, as Caitlin, Hermione, and Ginny clapped loudly.
“I give you props,” Hermione said once everyone had calmed down.
“Thanks. We’ve been working on that for weeks,” the one with pink hair said. Smoothing down the front of her shirt, she cleared her throat “By the way, names Ashley.” She extended her hand, and the girls shook it in turn.
The one with green hair stepped forward. “And I’m Amanda!” Amanda followed suit (yes, I did insert myself in this story, along with Ashley, and again, DEAL WITH IT!).
“So you’re…my fairy god parents?” Caitlin asked slowly, looking between the two odd looking girls.
They nodded.
“And you’re here to help Caitlin get noticed by Ron, correct? It’s about time. We’ve tried,” Hermione said, nodding her head.
“Very smart,” Ashley nodded her head in approval. “But we need your help.”
“Our help?” Ginny asked, pushing some hair behind her ear. “Haven’t we done what we could already?”
“Yes, but we will still need your expertise,” Amanda said smoothly. “You see, as I’m sure you are all aware, once upon a time, Ron was attracted to Hermione. At least until Hermione married Ginny and Harry. So, Hermione, this is why we’re recruiting your help. We want you to teach Caitlin to be as confusing as possible. Ron liked that in you.”
Hermione nodded proudly. “I did try,” she said, as if attempting to be modest. She was failing miserably.
“Okay...but where do I come in?” Ginny asked, hands on hips, and eyebrow raised,
“Well, again, like we’re positive you know this, Ron seems to be attracted to well…you know…whores. And with your track record Ginny, you’re our prime candidate to teach Caitlin to be a whore. I mean, honestly, two boyfriends? Whore!” Amanda said, a serious look across her features.
“I always knew my willingness to go out with boys would come back and bite me in the end. I can’t help it if I’m sexy!” Ginny said indignantly, as Hermione patted her on the back comfortingly.
“It’s fine. Just teach Caitlin how to be a whore, okay?”
Ginny sighed, merely nodding.
“So…what are you two going to be doing then?” Hermione asked, looking at them curiously.
“We’ll be in charge of the makeover itself,” Ashley said, nodding her head. “Now, off we go!” she exclaimed, waving her hands.
The surroundings quickly faded into a shop full of clothes. It was a rather cloudy place, as well as a little bright.
“Welcome to GPGalore!” a misty voice called from the clouds. Ashley couldn’t seem to stop the girlish giggle, her eyes trained on a specific cloud.
“Hi Andy,” she said, her cheeks going dangerously red, as she bit down on her bottom lip.
“Hey Ash,” the same voice said, as it emerged from the clouds. His eyes twinkled at her, before winking, and turning to Caitlin. “Ah!” he exclaimed stepping back.
“She isn’t that horrifying!” both Ginny and Hermione exclaimed coming to Caitlin’s defense.
“Oh…it’s not that! Forgive me, but… there’s just…a spider..” Andy trailed off, running to hide behind Ashley.
“Stop grabbing my butt,” Ashley hissed only a few seconds later, slapping his hands away.
“You didn’t say that last night…”
“Honestly! Can we try to be professional here! This is jus--” But whatever this just was seemed to die on Amanda’s lips, and she too giggled like Ashley before her. “Daniel!” she gushed, rushing towards him, her arms flinging around a boy who had just appeared neck.
“Hullo,” he said cheerily. “Is that her?” he asked, pointing over Amanda’s shoulder, at Caitlin.
“Yes,” Ashley said, sending a few death glares at Amanda. Clearing her throat, Ashley continued, “Caitlin, we would like for you to meet our not-gay-very-straight fashion consultants, Andy Roddick and Daniel Radcliffe!”
“Now, shall we get down to business?” Daniel asked. “Where’s manikin?” he asked, looking around the room.
“Robert!” Ashley called, before whistling. “Come here Robert!” she called. There was a sudden stomping noise, and Robert Pattinson came bounding into the room, a wide smile across his face. Suddenly, in the middle of the room a large pedestal appeared, and Robert automatically went there. “DRESS ME!” he squealed, clapping his hands together.
“Guh, I love him,” Ashley muttered, receiving a pinch from Andy. “He doesn’t replace you though,” she assured.
Rolling her eyes, Amanda pushed past the Daniel, linking arms with Caitlin. “Watch, this is simple enough. While the conventional way to start this off, would be to dress you, over the years we have critiqued this where we dress someone else. This way, you have a full view of said outfit before you commit to just one. You pick a few of the outfits you like, then it is your turn to play dress up, and that’s when you make your final decision.”
“Sounds kind of fun,” Hermione commented thoughtfully, tilting her head to the side, looking up at Robert. “But…question! Each outfit looks different on people because of their body types. And I mean…clearly it’s obvious Caitlin and Robert are structured differently.”
“Thank you for pointing that out, Hermione,” Ashley said, grinning. “While this did present a problem back when we first started, with the help of our own magic, and our Fashion Designers, without altering Roberts delicious body, we will still be able to give you the proper idea of what a dress will look like on Caitlin herself.”
“Does Robert remind you of Cedirc Diggory at all?” Ginny murmured, standing close to Hermione’s ear.
Hermione nodded her head, “You know, now that you mention it, he kinda does…”
“Now for the fashion!” Andy exclaimed, clapping his hands together in the air. Suddenly the room became alive, and clouds began to materialize into clothing, flying up to grace Roberts body. He began to strike model poses, causing all five girls to slip into a state of awe, only revived when Daniel threw clouds in their face.
“Dressy!” Robert exclaimed, twirling around as a particularly sexy number appeared on him. The skirt was moved like ripples of water when he moved his hips, and both Amanda and Hermione gave audible gasps. “I’m too sexy for this dress!” Robert announce to the room, as he threw his arms in the air. Caitlin fainted, falling back onto a bed of clouds.
“Robert! How many times must I tell you not to do that?” Andy asked, his hands on his hips.
Robert merely shrugged, and the dresses stopped momentarily as Ginny and Hermione tried to revive Caitlin. “She’s just never seen so much sex appeal, poor dear,” Hermione said, shaking her head.
“Well, Robert seems to have a sex appeal that matches Harrys, and considering no one but us is able to control Harry’s sex appeal, it’s really only to be expected,” Ginny commented sadly, as she pulled Caitlin up.
“Wh…what happened?” she asked in a dazed tone, looking around.
“You have been sexified,” Ashley said, coming to look at Caitlin over Ginny’s shoulder. “It’s quite alright. When we first hired Robert, no one could--”
“WATCH OUT! ROBERT IS DOING THE PIRATE AGAIN!” Amanda exclaimed, covering her eyes. There was a loud, “ARRRG” from Roberts stand, and all of the girls seemed to horrified to look.
“What is he doing?!” Caitlin exclaimed, wincing.
“He does this every now and then,” Ashley explained, “he has Pirtitis, causing him to act like a pirate every 12 hours. Just pray he doesn’t ask you to kiss the pl--”
But it seemed to be too late for whatever Ashley had been explaining, because Robert was currently thrusting his pelvis into Caitlin’s face. “Arrg! Kiss the plank!”
Roberts thrusting in Caitlin’s face continued for a good twenty minutes, while Caitlin could only watch mesmerized. Ginny and Hermione could only watch, slightly horrified, as Ashley and Amanda both explained that the best thing to do was to let the moment pass.
Breathing heavily, Robert stopped his thrusting, before grabbing Caitlin’s arm, and pulling her behind the clouds. There was a moment of awkward silence, before screaming--and not painful screaming at that--began to materialize. Clothes were being thrown out of the clouds, and Ginny and Hermione looked at one another in shock.
“It’s about time,” Andy commented.
“I know,” Daniel agreed, nodding his head, before leaning against a cloud (you can lean against clouds in my story, yes).
“That’s what Robert is really here for,” Andy explained calmly, looking at Hermione and Ginny. “We’re not really fashion designers, just Godparents as well, but it’s part of the act. In reality, Caitlin will come out of there a brand new woman.”
“I only wish I had Roberts job,” Daniel commented, before mysteriously he could no longer lean on the cloud. He fell threw, and Ashley giggled, as Amanda smirked at him.
“So…what about her clothes? And her look?” Ginny asked, looking at Andy.
“Like said, she’ll be a brand new woman. Confident, elegant, seductive. These are all traits that women have, they just tend to keep it locked up, unaware of their…sensuality, I suppose you could say. Robert, being well, a looker, is able to pull the new found confidence out. It also helps that those clouds are magic, so when she emerges, she will be decked out clothing that suits her and she--” Andy paused at this as a loud moan floated around the room, “--will be set.”
“Well, not completely set,” Amanda interjected. “She still needs your help. We’ve gotten her as far as we could get her. What we need is for you two to make her a permanent. As of right now, when she emerges, as far as Ron is concerned, she is just another one of those dumb chicks who has fallen into bed with him. With you help, she will become confusing and seductive enough to keep him around for however long they’re destined.”
“Really, we couldn’t have done this without one another,” Ashley said, nodding her head. “While you two did a nice job trying to get Ron to notice her as was, she still didn’t have the spark she needed to catch his eye. With our help, the spark was brought out. Now, we can’t finish without you two, as explained before. Team work,” Ashley said. “Simple as that.”
Neither Hermione or Ginny had time to reply to this, as Caitlin came strutting out of the clouds, head held high, and her hands on her hips. She seemed to be glowing, her hair curling out at the tips, a broad smile on her face. She was wearing a fairly short black skirt, that went to mid-thigh. Her dark gray shirt was low cut, and on the tight side.
“Caitlin!” Hermione and Ginny exclaimed, both clearly taken aback by this.
“Hello,” she said smoothly, grinning at the brunette and the redhead. She turned her head, almost in slow motion, and her hair flew behind her back.
Robert emerged a few moments later, a satisfied smile across his features. “Arrg,” he said, winking at Caitlin, before leaning casually against a cloud.
“MY TURN!” both Hermione and Ginny exclaimed, hands shooting in air. “You’re married!--STOP THAT!--NO! YOU STOP!--IT’S MY--”
“Ladies, ladies,” Daniel interjected, “calm down. Robert is only reserved for special cases, not random shags.”
Both Ginny and Hermione scowled at this new found information, while Ashley cleared her throat. “Now, it’s time for you, Hermione to teach Caitlin to b confusing.”
“Huh?” Caitlin asked?
“This is going to take a long time,” Hermione said quietly, before she started in on the long grueling process.
~*~*~*~
“Andy, I do wish you would talk about your feelings more,” Caitlin was saying two hours later, a frown settling across her pretty features.
Andy stared at her for a few moments, his brow furrowing in confusion. “But…wha…well…what are you on about?”
“And you pass!” Hermione exclaimed as she patted Caitlin on the shoulder. “Being confusing isn’t all that hard, now is it?”
Caitlin laughed, clapping her hands together, as she ignored the still confused Andy.
“Did I miss something?” he asked, as Ashley came up behind him, her arms folded across her chest.
“You know, she’s right. I do wish you would talk about your feelings more. You never tell me how you feel,” she complained, sitting down in a cloud chair that had just materialized behind her.
Andy sputtered, but everyone ignored him.
“So, now I guess it’s my turn,” Ginny said calmly, linking arms with Caitlin. “Being easy is quite easy, I promise.”
~*~*~*~
“Roberrrrrt.” Caitlin purred half an hour later (yes, it was that easy!), as she leaned close to him, her lips against his ear. “Robert, why don’t you take me behind those clouds again?” she whispered suggestively.
Robert, heaven help him, could do no nothing but gape at Caitlin who was currently straddling his lap. Really, no woman had ever had such control over him before! He licked his dry lips, praying that the blood would stop rushing south.
“Um…yeah…th--”
“See! It wasn’t that hard! Do you see how much power you hold over his head when straddle him? The lips against the ear was a good touch, I hadn’t even thought about giving you that tip!” Ginny said, as she pulled Caitlin off of Roberts laugh.
Giggling, Ashley and Amanda appeared, pointing at Robert. “Ginny, you really should teach us to do that,” Amanda commented. Ashley could only nod her agrement.
“Anytime, I’d be willing to help,” Ginny said proudly, nodding her head. She didn’t even bother to attempt to be modest.
Caitlin smoothed the front of her dress, her old nervous self shining through momentarily. “Am I ready?” she asked quietly, her cheeks flushing, eyes looking hopeful.
Ashley nodded. “Caitlin, it still may take a little work. As much as we wish it were, this isn’t a fairytale. It may take some time, but don’t let this dishearten you, alright?”
“Yeah, okay,” Caitlin said, nodding her head, still looking weary. “Will I see you again?”
“It’s possible,” Amanda nodded, a sly smile across her features.
“We should exchange owls, so we can go drinking sometime,” Hermione commented, nodding firmly at Ashley and Amanda.
Both girls sighed. “I knew making them alcoholics at witch mail would be a bad idea,” Ashley mumbled, shaking her head. “Actually, we don’t drink. We just have fun getting you two smashed,” Ashley explained.
Hermione nodded as realization dawned. “I always thought that was funny. I mean…I usually find drinking repulsive.”
“Yeah, us too, bu--”
“Ashley, we’re getting off topic,” Amanda cut in, shaking her head. “Caitlin should probably be introduced to Witch Mail before we go too deep on that, okay?”
“Fine,” Ashley grumbled glaring at Amanda. Sighing and shaking her head, Amanda turned back to Caitlin. “Back to your story. As of right now, you are on your own. However…do not fret. I’m sure Hermione and or Ginny are only an owl away. If you need us, all you must do is click your heels four times and say ‘Bitch where’s my hoes?’ over and over again--”
“No, Amanda, that’s the one that gets a pimp his hoe!” Ashley interjected.
“Man! I knew I told Kevin Federline the wrong thing. No wonder he’s with Britney, he probably thinks that’s his new fairy..”
“…Your Kevin Federlines fairy?” Hermione asked, her eyebrows practically disappearing.
“You can tell that’s one of our more hopeless causes,” Ashley explained, laughing nervously. “What I think you do is…”
“Rub a bottle?” Daniel offered.
“No. That’s for Christina. I think. I’m a genie in a bottle,” Ashley and Amanda both started to imitate belly dancers.
“Stick to your day job,” Andy said, laughing at their failed attempts to be sexy.
“I’m revoking sex,” Ashley said firmly. Andy couldn’t do anything but splutter.
“Ashley, you’re pulling me far too much from the story. Caitlin’s going to be late for that big important thing where she’s going to be bossed around and ignored by everyone,” Amanda snapped, her hands flying to her hips.
“How is this my fault?!”
“Because it jus--”
“Girls!” Hermione stepped in, looking very stern all of a sudden. “Just tell Caitlin the damn thing to say, so we can get this show on the road!”
“How very Ginnyesque of you,” Ginny commented. Ginny and Hermione hugged passionately (well, for starters they are married, but they don’t kiss. Because…well…I said so, to be quite frank! And it’s my story!) before Ashley and Amanda both made move to throw up.
But that’s another story entirely.
“Oh! I remember what you had to do now!” Ashley exclaimed. Placing her left hand over her left eye, Ashley went “Arrrg! Aye! Matey!” three times in a row.
“You mean to say I have to act like a pirate to get you back?” Caitlin said slowly, obviously at a complete loss for words.
“Yes, exactly. Glad you caught on,” Amanda said, giggling at Ashley, who was currently chasing Andy around with her pink glittery wand, brandishing it like a sword.
“So…um…shouldn’t you be leaving now?” Amanda continued, narrowing her eyes at Caitlin.
“Well…I um…”
“I mean, despite what Cinderella may have lead you to believe, we don’t do pumpkin carriages. It’s completely tactless. And really the Muggle idea of--”
“I don’t think she knows how to leave,” Ginny interjected, looking calmly at Amanda.
“Oh yeah.” She pointed behind her to a big flashing sign the read exit. “Heroines, as in me, Ashley, Hermione, and Ginny, will stay behind as you go on to meet your fate.” And without warning, Amanda, Hermione, and Ginny (Ashley and Andy had mysteriously disappeared behind a cloud) we pushing Caitlin into a big white hole that--
--wasn’t really a hole at all! Caitlin was back where she had started the whole thing, by her desk. Glancing at her watch, Caitlin suddenly realized she was very late for that meeting she was going to be ignored at! Picking up Ron’s notes, she hurried down the hall to the conference room, suddenly very aware her skirt was very short, her shirt was very tight, and her boobs were practically popping out.
You look fine, a voice snapped in her head.
…Is this my conscience?
No, this is God. Hai!
…
It’s Amanda and Ashley you idiot. We’re your God Parents…
I know who you are…but…why are you in my head?
We needed to make the time where you were walking toward the conference room because saying you were just walking sounded a bit too boring.
…Right, well I’m here, you can leave my head now
With that, Caitlin burst into the conference room, her cheeks slightly flushed, her hair flowing behind her as if caught in a breeze. However, the room was seemed not to have noticed this, as there were no current wind. Ron went on talking to the other important people, as if nothing happened.
Sitting down in a corner away from the table, Caitlin chewed on her lip, tapping her quill against her parchment, looking around. There wasn’t really anyone familiar untill…
Is that Diddy?
Caitlin blinked a few times as the rapper came into view, her jaw dropping slightly. She always knew there was something off about him, she just hadn’t been aware he was magic.
How do you think his records sold? Hi God-Given-Talent? Hah! That’s laughable!
The meeting continued as Caitlin pondered these thoughts.
After what felt like forever (two hours fifteen minutes, and seven seconds to be exact…not that Caitlin was counting or anything) the meeting was closed, and everyone got up to leave. Holding Ron’s notes tighter to her chest, she stood up, and stalked over to stand behind Ron.
“Angelica? Is that you?” Ron asked, without looking up from his notes.
“Erm…no, sir, it’s Caitlin.”
“Caitlin?” Ron asked, looking up. His jaw dropped, and a charming (yes, I know, Ron and charming normally do not match, but right now, they do!) smile appeared across his features. “Ron Weasley. Dunno if you’ve heard of me? Minister of Magic at your service.”
Caitlin shook her head, taking a deep calming breath. “I’m well aware of who you are Minister, I have been your secretary for five years.”
“Lucille?” he asked, cringing at the fact he knew it was wrong.
“No. I am only going to repeat my name once more, Minister, and you are going to remember it.” With this, Caitlin pushed Ron back into his seat, before straddling his lap. “My name is Caitlin. Caitlin Fookmeron--”
“As much as that’s tempting, but I don’t think fucking you on the table is a good idea,” Ron said slowly.
“No! No! No! My last name is Fookmeroon. I am Caitlin Fookmeron, okay?”
Ron nodded, gulping.
“Are you going to be able to remember that? Or am I going to have to make life painful for you?”
“I promise to remember,” Ron squeaked.
“That’s a good boy. Now…what is my name?”
“Caitlin Fookmeron.”
“Good. What do I do?”
“You’re my secretary.”
“Correct. How will you treat me?”
“Like you’re the best bloody whore I will ever fuck?”
“Corr--hey!” Caitlin exclaimed, as Ron chuckled, and pulled Caitlin into a long, firm, passionate, never-ending kiss.
The end?
NOT QUITE!
Like the never-ending kiss, this is the never-ending story. Well, okay, not true, because Ron and Caitlin eventually did break away, and this story will end…eventually of course.
Every good…well…okay, not good, but every story must reach some kind of conclusion, some kind of finishing statement that gives you piece of mind that the story is in fact over. So here goes nothing!
When Ron and Caitlin did break away, it was only to hear an eruption of cheers. They were surrounded by Hermione, Ginny, Harry, Amanda, Daniel, the Wealsey clan, P. Diddy, Kevin Federline, and other, threw confetti and rice at the happy couple.
Caitlin jumped up, and ran to hug Hermione, Ginny, and Amanda. “Thank you so much!” she exclaimed.
“Oh! Don’t mention it!” Amanda said, “It was no problem at all. Sorry it took us forever.”
“That doesn’t matter! I can’t thank you enough!”
“Please, don’t mention it!”
“Oh but--wait a minute…where’s Ashley?”
“Oh...well…you see…she and Andy….they…well, they kind of got lost behind some clouds,” Amanda coughed, her cheeks going red.
“Ew.”
“Yeah, just a little.”
“So…is there any chance…Ron and I could…”
“Could what?” Ron asked, coming up behind Caitlin, and wrapping his arms around her waist.
“Ew!” Ginny exclaimed, glaring at her older brother.
“You know…get lost behind the clouds together.”
“Oh…well…you know what? What the heck! Everyone grab a partner!” Amanda exclaimed. The people in the room looked at her as if she were crazy, but latched onto someone. “Right! Cloudfookus!” Amanda exclaimed, and the room suddenly fogged up.
“Ohh,” Ron said, grinning mischievously.
Caitlin merely smiled, as she pulled Ron closer.
And that my friends, is THE END. I know, finally.