(no subject)
sigh...
oh the caous (sp??) that surrounds me everyday....
what a crazy monday this has been, i knew it would be a bad one when i first got out of bed...so many crazy things happen in our little "clique"....im so sick of it...im so sick of the drama i could puke...but then where would our lives be without drama? i really think that everyone in our group has learned to create and exaturate to conjure up the drama that haunts and torments us so...i think if everything is too peacefull someone has to make a mess...or "spill the milk" as i should say....something always has to happen...
AJ, did however inlighten me with words of wisdom today....she told me that maybe the reason why i feel so left out and on the outer edges of attention is because i dont make the drama...the people in the center area always creating it to get the attention they crave and since i keep my desires for attention to myself i am thrust to the outside of the circle...that makes commen scense to me...and i guess it eases the pain of feeling neglected...i think i've found peace with you all now...and now since i am at peace with not being the center of attention all the time i hopefully wont create any of my own...of course i will always give those in the center their attention, but i would concider myself a compassionate person, so what else am i to do, but satisfy the desires and wishes of those around me rather than myself...so i would like to say thank you to aj, even if you didnt mean to, you really helped me understand...whether it actually be true or not, i would like to believe it is true and make peace with it...thank you for helping me
another thing that crept to my mind today...
mandi and patrick....
the more i see your fates unroll and the mysteries be revealed i am pondering one question...Are Josh and I doomed to the same fate?
i see the way you have lasting hate for eachother...the way you argue...and try to move on to other people and i have to ask, are josh and i doomed to hate eachother in the end? after our love is run out are our eyes going to be covered by one single strip of blind hatred for one another? and with the constant bickering we put eachother through, is this to happen soon? one day will i finally be in the center of the attention circle...with josh on the other side? cursing me...im so scared....i love josh so much...is this what's to happen? and whats worse...could i move on if it did? could i survive without him by my side? what would i do without him? where would i go? who would i love? and who would love me in return? i can feel the loneliness of the future already and it scarse the shit out of me...
and what with warcraft josh?
another petty argument that means nothing in the end....are u truely upset about that? are you going to let warcraft push you to the edge?....i dont understand....you introduced me to the game, i play it for you...to relate to you and to like a computer game that you like to we can relate to eachother...i gave it a change, and i loved it...you let me experience a world i probably wouldnt have passed if it wasnt for you and when i like it, you say thats wrong? i thought you were happy for me, because i liked it so much...i thought you liked girls that played computer games and acutally liked them and couldnt get enough...im trying to be that for you...im trying to be the cool girl you picture in your dreams and it started to work...i really truely like that game...and when i play it now, all you want is me to get off...i dont understand...dont you remember the times you used to play halo when i was at ur house?....around the time just before or right after the first time u let me play halo...u used to play for hours when i would come visit...and i would lay on ur bed...waiting for you to talk to me...but i never once complained...i suppose now u know how it feels...but ur responding different than me....i had enough concideration for you to let u sit and play what u liked, even if i didnt like it that much...and now that the tables have turned...you wont except it...this weekend u even had other people to sit with...and you were playing games with them...at least u didnt have to pass the time alone, doing nothing...thats the reason i played so long, cause u werent alone and u were having fun with them...and i still got off every now and then to take breaks and come play with you guys....once i recall you were playing the lemonade stand game....so is this really my fault josh? are you really the victim here? what have i done? honestly?
i love you, im just trying to relate to you and play ur games...like that time you sat and watched moulin rouge with me...even though i know u didnt like it much....but u didnt that for me, and u tired to like it, and thats what i loved about it...im trying to return the favor, and im open to your hobbies and like to try them...cant u see? im just trying to be.....your dream girl...all u ever wanted in a girl and more...
"Everything I do, I do it for you"
completely korny, i know, but still....
i love you
please dont be mad at me....just try to understand
good bye all...
oh the caous (sp??) that surrounds me everyday....
what a crazy monday this has been, i knew it would be a bad one when i first got out of bed...so many crazy things happen in our little "clique"....im so sick of it...im so sick of the drama i could puke...but then where would our lives be without drama? i really think that everyone in our group has learned to create and exaturate to conjure up the drama that haunts and torments us so...i think if everything is too peacefull someone has to make a mess...or "spill the milk" as i should say....something always has to happen...
AJ, did however inlighten me with words of wisdom today....she told me that maybe the reason why i feel so left out and on the outer edges of attention is because i dont make the drama...the people in the center area always creating it to get the attention they crave and since i keep my desires for attention to myself i am thrust to the outside of the circle...that makes commen scense to me...and i guess it eases the pain of feeling neglected...i think i've found peace with you all now...and now since i am at peace with not being the center of attention all the time i hopefully wont create any of my own...of course i will always give those in the center their attention, but i would concider myself a compassionate person, so what else am i to do, but satisfy the desires and wishes of those around me rather than myself...so i would like to say thank you to aj, even if you didnt mean to, you really helped me understand...whether it actually be true or not, i would like to believe it is true and make peace with it...thank you for helping me
another thing that crept to my mind today...
mandi and patrick....
the more i see your fates unroll and the mysteries be revealed i am pondering one question...Are Josh and I doomed to the same fate?
i see the way you have lasting hate for eachother...the way you argue...and try to move on to other people and i have to ask, are josh and i doomed to hate eachother in the end? after our love is run out are our eyes going to be covered by one single strip of blind hatred for one another? and with the constant bickering we put eachother through, is this to happen soon? one day will i finally be in the center of the attention circle...with josh on the other side? cursing me...im so scared....i love josh so much...is this what's to happen? and whats worse...could i move on if it did? could i survive without him by my side? what would i do without him? where would i go? who would i love? and who would love me in return? i can feel the loneliness of the future already and it scarse the shit out of me...
and what with warcraft josh?
another petty argument that means nothing in the end....are u truely upset about that? are you going to let warcraft push you to the edge?....i dont understand....you introduced me to the game, i play it for you...to relate to you and to like a computer game that you like to we can relate to eachother...i gave it a change, and i loved it...you let me experience a world i probably wouldnt have passed if it wasnt for you and when i like it, you say thats wrong? i thought you were happy for me, because i liked it so much...i thought you liked girls that played computer games and acutally liked them and couldnt get enough...im trying to be that for you...im trying to be the cool girl you picture in your dreams and it started to work...i really truely like that game...and when i play it now, all you want is me to get off...i dont understand...dont you remember the times you used to play halo when i was at ur house?....around the time just before or right after the first time u let me play halo...u used to play for hours when i would come visit...and i would lay on ur bed...waiting for you to talk to me...but i never once complained...i suppose now u know how it feels...but ur responding different than me....i had enough concideration for you to let u sit and play what u liked, even if i didnt like it that much...and now that the tables have turned...you wont except it...this weekend u even had other people to sit with...and you were playing games with them...at least u didnt have to pass the time alone, doing nothing...thats the reason i played so long, cause u werent alone and u were having fun with them...and i still got off every now and then to take breaks and come play with you guys....once i recall you were playing the lemonade stand game....so is this really my fault josh? are you really the victim here? what have i done? honestly?
i love you, im just trying to relate to you and play ur games...like that time you sat and watched moulin rouge with me...even though i know u didnt like it much....but u didnt that for me, and u tired to like it, and thats what i loved about it...im trying to return the favor, and im open to your hobbies and like to try them...cant u see? im just trying to be.....your dream girl...all u ever wanted in a girl and more...
"Everything I do, I do it for you"
completely korny, i know, but still....
i love you
please dont be mad at me....just try to understand
good bye all...