Holy Shit! I'm Getting Married!
Wow. Is it almost time? Geez it feels like the wedding is still months away but the calender keeps reminding me it's next week. Has it already been a year? Huh time flies I guess.
Anyway, with my thoughts moving forward, it's kinda scary how much our lives are going to change. I mean I'm looking forward to this new phase in my life, but now that it's nearly staring me in the face, it's kinda intimidating. Of course planning this whole thing is a good distraction as I've already mentioned to some of you (though it's been a greater distraction to Future-Wife and not in a good way).
Which reminds me, I really need to give Future-Wife major props for all of the hard work she's put into this wedding. Especially balancing grad school with wedding coordinating the last few months. As well as her family and my family for giving us all the support they can. It's much appreciated. So everyone at wedding please let her know how much you enjoyed yourself... even if you didn't. I know that would really make her day (and later on will really make my night. :) )
I suppose to retain some semblance of intellectualism, I'll discuss some of the things I've learned over the years about relationship and marriage and what not. This isn't necessarily advice (as I've been forbidden to give any by the Future-Wife should give you some indication) but more of a discussion that might be worth sharing. And I'm all about sharing. Oh yeah.
Before I start I wanna just clarify that these are things I learned about sustaining a long term relationship. I was never really all that successful with maintaining short term relationships.... whatever that means.
First thing I learned was that never go out with someone with expectations. Repeatedly, I've been told that you'll find love when you're not looking for it. And I can tell you first hand that this is true. The moment I stopped caring whether or not I had a girlfriend, one just fell into my lap. Heck I didn't even start going out with her expecting it to go this far, I just really enjoyed hanging out with her. Hell, if things hadn't worked out, I have no doubt we'd be pretty good friends. At least I think we would. *looks over shoulder, nervous*
Second, the person who ends right for you probably doesn't fit any predetermined mental or physical 'criteria' you set out for yourself. I confess I was guilty of this for a long time and it probably prevented me from enjoying a few good chances to date girls when I was in college. And this I've found goes both ways, it's just guys are more straightforward about what they're looking for. However there are exceptions. For instance, I know that Future-Wife had absolutely no criteria for a prospective boyfriend other than a few really, really vague things. Honestly that probably worked to my benefit for all of you who know me.
Third, one of the cornerstones of a good relationship is tolerance. What I mean is that you try to compromise as best you can with your partner and then decide whether you can tolerant them. If they have habits that just drive you to claw up the walls and they're unwilling to change or don't know how to change, then, well I doubt that's going to change over time. Never think you can will someone to change. You can point things out to them and even help them if they're receptive, but don't expect someone to change for you. And it's not because they don't love you, it's just that like Bruce Willis, some habits die hard.
Fourth, don't take for granted how much your past can affect your partner. When I met Future-Wife, I had thought I had finally put some things in my past behind me, but it wasn't until months afterward that I realized I hadn't and I hadn't taken into account how much this wore down Future-Wife. It nearly destroyed our relationship. Fortunately, Future-Wife was very understanding of the whole situation and together we were able to work through it. So remember everyone's got baggage, just swap a bag or two to help lighten the load every once in awhile.
Finally, communication is a big obvious key to a relationship. It goes beyond just talking about the serious issues or engaging in mindless conversation to waste time (don't get me wrong I enjoy those times). It's also understanding the tendency of the other person and the signs they show when they're mad, nervous, excited, or overjoyed. Though I've been told I've got a less than a stellar record in the listening department, I still can read her moods and as well as she does with me. Though this may not be a big revelation to alot of you guys out there, I was surprised looking back at past relationships where this was a big issue it just was never brought to the forefront. I guess I was just in denial.
Before I wrap this up, I do want to point out that issues of money and religion never was a huge issue with us. Both of us being Catholic helps that out a lot, but even now we could care less about money outside of what we need to sustain us. Thank God for chemical engineering!
Okay that's it, I've probably said enough on this issue (perhaps even a little too much) but I just wanted to document this considering the views I had prior to meeting Future-Wife and how they were altered once I met her. She really changed the way I saw the world and I think I benefited from that greatly.
BTW, I'm going to post up the link to our wedding website in a locked entry after this, so if you want give us your well wishes, please sign the guestbook over there. Future-Wife loves it when people sign the guestbook. And in turn I feel the love. ;)
Later
Bastion
Anyway, with my thoughts moving forward, it's kinda scary how much our lives are going to change. I mean I'm looking forward to this new phase in my life, but now that it's nearly staring me in the face, it's kinda intimidating. Of course planning this whole thing is a good distraction as I've already mentioned to some of you (though it's been a greater distraction to Future-Wife and not in a good way).
Which reminds me, I really need to give Future-Wife major props for all of the hard work she's put into this wedding. Especially balancing grad school with wedding coordinating the last few months. As well as her family and my family for giving us all the support they can. It's much appreciated. So everyone at wedding please let her know how much you enjoyed yourself... even if you didn't. I know that would really make her day (and later on will really make my night. :) )
I suppose to retain some semblance of intellectualism, I'll discuss some of the things I've learned over the years about relationship and marriage and what not. This isn't necessarily advice (as I've been forbidden to give any by the Future-Wife should give you some indication) but more of a discussion that might be worth sharing. And I'm all about sharing. Oh yeah.
Before I start I wanna just clarify that these are things I learned about sustaining a long term relationship. I was never really all that successful with maintaining short term relationships.... whatever that means.
First thing I learned was that never go out with someone with expectations. Repeatedly, I've been told that you'll find love when you're not looking for it. And I can tell you first hand that this is true. The moment I stopped caring whether or not I had a girlfriend, one just fell into my lap. Heck I didn't even start going out with her expecting it to go this far, I just really enjoyed hanging out with her. Hell, if things hadn't worked out, I have no doubt we'd be pretty good friends. At least I think we would. *looks over shoulder, nervous*
Second, the person who ends right for you probably doesn't fit any predetermined mental or physical 'criteria' you set out for yourself. I confess I was guilty of this for a long time and it probably prevented me from enjoying a few good chances to date girls when I was in college. And this I've found goes both ways, it's just guys are more straightforward about what they're looking for. However there are exceptions. For instance, I know that Future-Wife had absolutely no criteria for a prospective boyfriend other than a few really, really vague things. Honestly that probably worked to my benefit for all of you who know me.
Third, one of the cornerstones of a good relationship is tolerance. What I mean is that you try to compromise as best you can with your partner and then decide whether you can tolerant them. If they have habits that just drive you to claw up the walls and they're unwilling to change or don't know how to change, then, well I doubt that's going to change over time. Never think you can will someone to change. You can point things out to them and even help them if they're receptive, but don't expect someone to change for you. And it's not because they don't love you, it's just that like Bruce Willis, some habits die hard.
Fourth, don't take for granted how much your past can affect your partner. When I met Future-Wife, I had thought I had finally put some things in my past behind me, but it wasn't until months afterward that I realized I hadn't and I hadn't taken into account how much this wore down Future-Wife. It nearly destroyed our relationship. Fortunately, Future-Wife was very understanding of the whole situation and together we were able to work through it. So remember everyone's got baggage, just swap a bag or two to help lighten the load every once in awhile.
Finally, communication is a big obvious key to a relationship. It goes beyond just talking about the serious issues or engaging in mindless conversation to waste time (don't get me wrong I enjoy those times). It's also understanding the tendency of the other person and the signs they show when they're mad, nervous, excited, or overjoyed. Though I've been told I've got a less than a stellar record in the listening department, I still can read her moods and as well as she does with me. Though this may not be a big revelation to alot of you guys out there, I was surprised looking back at past relationships where this was a big issue it just was never brought to the forefront. I guess I was just in denial.
Before I wrap this up, I do want to point out that issues of money and religion never was a huge issue with us. Both of us being Catholic helps that out a lot, but even now we could care less about money outside of what we need to sustain us. Thank God for chemical engineering!
Okay that's it, I've probably said enough on this issue (perhaps even a little too much) but I just wanted to document this considering the views I had prior to meeting Future-Wife and how they were altered once I met her. She really changed the way I saw the world and I think I benefited from that greatly.
BTW, I'm going to post up the link to our wedding website in a locked entry after this, so if you want give us your well wishes, please sign the guestbook over there. Future-Wife loves it when people sign the guestbook. And in turn I feel the love. ;)
Later
Bastion