My apologies for being such a goblin lately. I know that being on my wit's end about certain things (personal) is no excuse to publicly post stuff like
this one, which I put on LJ cut already. Thanks to those who called my attention.
But today, I'm still crazy. Someone sent me this wonderful quote of wisdom (blind item 'to) from someone who got bored doing action movies and hopped into the Senate: "There what it takes to be. Then we shall so be it because it is. To do or not to is in the what, now or what else. Without which there never to you!"
Wonderful. No wonder politics and economy in the Philippines are getting way ahead of Japan and our European counterparts.
Then another one of my faithful minions sent me some tasteless, some politically incorrect and some sexist jokes. I apologize for anyone who'd get offended (but please don't let me tear this down kahit kumita na ito. Let's just do these for laughs.) Samples:
Priest: ang mga bakla'y walang lugar sa kaharian ng langit.
Mga bakla: carry lang po father...dun na lang kami sa rainbow mag slide-slide!!
Then another one:
1 panget na babe, hinoholdap
Holdaper: holdap ito! akin na gamit mo!
Babae: RAPE! RAPE! RAPE!
Holdaper: anong rape? holdap nga to eh!
Babae: wala lang! nagsusuggest lang...
Mom: baby, you're good in math. Now I'm going to ask you a question.
Baby: sure mom
Mom: if your daddy gives you 3 apples and I give you 4 apples, what's your answer?
Baby: thank you po!!!
---
BF: may malaki ako problema.
GF: wag mo sabihin problema mo lang problema natin dahil nagmamahalan tayo. ngayon ano problema natin?
BF: nabuntis natin si inday at tayo ang ama
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Pare1: pare parang malalim ang iniisip mo!
Pare2: nanaginip ako kagabi kasama ko 50 contestants ng Ms. Universe
Pare1: swerte mo! ano problema mo?
Pare2: pare ako nanalo!
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Killer: father mangungumpisal po ako
Father: ano kasalanan mo?
Killer: pumatay po ako ng 20 tao
Father: bakit?
Killer: kasi po naniniwala sila sa Diyos, kayo po naniniwala ba?
Father: dati...pero ngayon trip trip na lang
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Patient: doc takot po ako sa bunot
Dentist: eto gamot pampatapang ng loob
Patient: (ininom ang gamot)
Dentist: ano matapang ka na ba?
Patient: oo doc! puta pag may gumalaw ng ngipin ko basag ang bungo!
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Passenger taps taxi driver's shoulder...
WAAAAAHHHHHH!!!! screamed the driver...
Passenger: bakit ka sumigaw?
Driver: sorry bossing bago lang kasi ako sa taxi. 25 years po kasi ako driver ng funenaria
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1 lasing nasalubong ang matabang babae na may kasamang aso
Lasing: hoy, saan mo nakuha yang baboy?
Babae: aso ito hindi baboy!
Lasing: huwag ka nga sumabat! yung aso ang kausap ko!
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In a pet shop...
Customer talking to a parrot...
Customer: hoy! can you talk ha?! bobo!!!
Parrot: yes i can!!! ikaw?! can you fly ha? GAGO!!!
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Bobo: pare hulaan mo ugali ko, nagsisimula sa letter A
Pare: approachable?
Bobo: mali
Pare: amiable?
Bobo: mali pa rin
Pare: o sige siret na!
Bobo: ANEST wehehe!!!
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Girl: doc, pacheck-up po
Doc: sige hubad ka ng panty at bra tapos higa ka
Girl: hindi po ako, itong lola ko po
Doc: sige lola, hinga na lang po ng malalim