need to be here
Well I've got to write here cuz there will be problems if I put everything I've got to say on Myspace.
Where to start? Hmmm... I haven't had a cigarette in 6 hours and counting , no I'm not trying to quit my life just sucks so bad right now that I don't even have smokes. What else oh yeah I do nothing but think of my neck snapping at the end of a rope for hours on end. And I am having a hard time justifying my life right now. I mean objectively Why live ? It isn't likely to get better I am miserable all the time which affects those around me and I don't even see a point anymore. I will never be happy. The best I can ever strive for is living but that ain't much is it ?I wish I could say this has nothing to do with her I really really wish that were the case. I mean she's happy right , and that's what counts ,that's what I want but it still stings a little bit everyday. I can say that it is by no means the only thing keeping me from any kind of happiness , most of that is within me , and it will stay there , deep inside my head , has to be there since there is nothing in my heart , I know myself it took along time for me to be able to say that honestly but I do know myself and I know I will never allow myself to love or be loved that is one certainty I can count on. I am really glad I kept this account there is no way I can write like this in myspace I always feel like I'm under a microscope on that damn site. This one almost has a feeling of anominity to it. Okay next thing blocking me in family, I fucked up I let myself give a shit about them again and got burned once again , got myself all excited to go see my niece then blammo good ole mom bails on me once again not even a phone call, well I can chalk that one up to the fact that I should've known better that to care. Then theres the whole roommate situation and it pisses me off too much to type about it .
Where to start? Hmmm... I haven't had a cigarette in 6 hours and counting , no I'm not trying to quit my life just sucks so bad right now that I don't even have smokes. What else oh yeah I do nothing but think of my neck snapping at the end of a rope for hours on end. And I am having a hard time justifying my life right now. I mean objectively Why live ? It isn't likely to get better I am miserable all the time which affects those around me and I don't even see a point anymore. I will never be happy. The best I can ever strive for is living but that ain't much is it ?I wish I could say this has nothing to do with her I really really wish that were the case. I mean she's happy right , and that's what counts ,that's what I want but it still stings a little bit everyday. I can say that it is by no means the only thing keeping me from any kind of happiness , most of that is within me , and it will stay there , deep inside my head , has to be there since there is nothing in my heart , I know myself it took along time for me to be able to say that honestly but I do know myself and I know I will never allow myself to love or be loved that is one certainty I can count on. I am really glad I kept this account there is no way I can write like this in myspace I always feel like I'm under a microscope on that damn site. This one almost has a feeling of anominity to it. Okay next thing blocking me in family, I fucked up I let myself give a shit about them again and got burned once again , got myself all excited to go see my niece then blammo good ole mom bails on me once again not even a phone call, well I can chalk that one up to the fact that I should've known better that to care. Then theres the whole roommate situation and it pisses me off too much to type about it .