Prompt Response number... er... 4
So, skipping a prompt response because it's becoming a Coffee fic, we move forward to the 5th prompt, 4th response.
I enjoyed this one.
For d_tepes,
Xander defending Baltar's actions to the rest of the Scoobies.
“Buffy!” Dawn yelled, storming through the Slayer house with Xander hot on her heels.
“Dawn, this is ridiculous,” Xander said.
“No, it’s not,” she said. “Clearly, you’ve gone evil.”
“What? I’ve - Dawn, come on.”
“No!” she said, speeding up. “Buffy! Willow!”
“Dawn?” Giles asked, stepping into the hallway ahead of them. “What’s the matter?”
“Apparently I’m evil,” Xander said.
“Oh, dear,” said Giles. “Well, I’ll just be back to -”
“Back to nowhere,” Dawn said, grabbing Giles’s arm and dragging him along. “You’re coming with for the trial.”
“Oh, come on,” Xander said, following the two of them. “Let the man have his tea in peace!”
“No peace for an evil Xander,” Dawn said.
They eventually found Buffy, Willow, Faith and Andrew in the kitchen, chatting over leftovers from the evening meal. Dawn stepped in front of them, crossed her arms and cleared her throat.
“Why have you abducted Giles?” Buffy asked.
Giles sighed. “Apparently, Xander is evil now, and this requires my presence.”
“Ugh,” said Buffy, rolling her eyes. “I so do not want to be a part of whatever bizarre mating ritual the two of you have cooked up.”
“Hey!” Dawn and Xander said.
“This is not a mating ritual,” Dawn said.
“Yeah, it has nothing to do with that!” Xander said.
“So, what does it have to do with?” Willow asked, chewing on a stick of celery. “Cuz, your outfits? Not helping the cause.”
Xander and Dawn looked each other over. He was wearing flannel pajama pants and no shirt, and Dawn was wearing very short shorts and his shirt, the sleeves rolled up on her arms.
“What it has to do with,” Dawn said, “is that he has turned evil.”
“How?” asked Faith.
“He’s been defending the single most selfish character in all of history,” Dawn said.
“He’s defending Blair Waldorf?” Buffy asked.
This gave Dawn pause. “Okay, second most selfish character. But by far, the consequences of Blair Waldorf’s actions don’t even hold a candle to those of one Dr. Gaius Baltar.”
Andrew gasped.
Faith leaned over to Willow. “Who are they talking about?”
“Gaius Baltar,” she whispered. “A brilliant scientist and occasional politician on Battlestar Galactica.”
“And who’s the Blain person?”
“Blair. Waldorf,” she said. “Gossip Girl.”
“Got it.”
“Okay,” Buffy said, pulling Giles away from her sister and allowing him to sit. “Now, clearly you’re not going to leave us alone until we hear this out. What’s the problem?”
“Xander thinks Baltar was entirely justified in everything he did.”
“Oh, that is a complete overstatement of what I said!”
“What did you say?” Andrew asked. “How could you possibly defend him?”
“I didn’t say he was justified in what he did,” Xander said. “I merely said that a lot of it was understandable.”
“Like allowing the Cylons access to the colonial defense satellite system?!?” Andrew exclaimed, rising to his feet. “How dare you, sir, billions of people died!”
“Andrew, sit down,” Buffy said. She turned back to Xander and Dawn. She opened her mouth for a second, and then shook her head. “I can’t believe I’m about to say this. The… colonial defense satellite system?”
“Okay, first off,” Xander said, “Baltar absolutely made a mistake allowing anybody access to the defense system. I don’t deny that. But to be honest, it’s something that shouldn’t have had any repercussions, beyond a little industrial espionage.”
“But it did,” Willow said. “Like Andrew said, billions of people died.”
“True,” said Xander. “But that’s because nobody had ever imagined that there would be human-form Cylons. You can’t blame Baltar for not knowing something that no other human in the galaxy knew, either. So, yes, he gave her access. Yes it was a mistake, but she solved problems for him, he thought she was after a defense contract, and she was sleeping with him. Smart? No. But understandable.”
Buffy crossed her arms. “Next charge?”
“His appeasement of and surrender to the Cylons on New Caprica,” said Dawn.
“Clearly, not the preferred outcome,” Xander said. “And it’s not something, probably that most of us would have done. But, look, Baltar is interested in two things: surviving and not looking like the bad guy. When forced to choose between them, he chooses survival. At that point, the fleet was basically ripped apart. Nobody was ready for the Cylons. They showed up with a bunch of base stars, the Galactica and the Pegasus jumped out of the system, and he was offered a choice: surrender or we kill everyone.”
Xander shrugged. “It’s an understandable decision. I don’t like it, but I can’t say I wouldn’t have made it. Could he have contributed more to the Resistance? Absolutely. Could he have tried to argue with the Cylons more? Almost certainly. But he was trying to keep people alive. And he did.”
“Hmm,” said Giles. “Anything else?”
“Lying about the results of the Cylon detector with Boomer, and sabotaging the Cylon detector in general,” Andrew said.
“Again, self preservation. It was a horrible decision, and cost a lot of people their lives. But it did keep him safe. Also, he was paranoid and being driven mad by the Six in his head.”
“Helping Gina escape,” Willow said.
Xander rolled his eyes. “Come on. The crew of the Pegasus had been abusing and raping her. He, more than anybody else but Helo and the Chief at that point, knew that Cylons weren’t just robots, but that they were real people. Admiral Cain got what she deserved, and while it may have been vengeance, and not justice, helping Gina escape isn’t really even on the list of his crimes.”
He looked around at them. “Anything else?” Nobody said anything. “So? Am I evil?”
Buffy, Willow, Faith, Andrew, and Giles put their heads together. They whispered for almost a minute before separating again.
“Well?” Dawn asked, her arms crossed and her foot tapping impatiently on the floor.
“We have come to a decision,” Giles said. “But unless you two agree to some rules, we will leave this matter to you to decide.”
“What rules?” Xander asked.
“First,” said Willow, “our decision is final. Neither of you can appeal.”
Dawn and Xander nodded.
“Second,” Faith said, “you have to abide by our ruling. We say, you obey. Understood?”
“Yeah,” said Xander. Dawn nodded.
“Finally,” said Buffy, “understand that this decision is unanimous. We rule here with one voice. There is no ‘divide and conquer’ so if you’re mad at one of us because of this, you’re mad at all of us. Okay?”
“Yeah, we get it,” Dawn said. “Can we have the ruling please?”
The five of them rose, and Buffy, Willow, Faith and Giles filed solemnly out of the kitchen. Andrew stood in front of Dawn and Xander, hands clasped in front of him and looked at them very seriously.
“Friends,” he said, “dear friends. You have come to us with a matter for our adjudication. We have heard your arguments, and we have come to our decision. Are you ready?”
“We are,” they said, Dawn’s hand grasping Xander’s.
“Good,” Andrew said. “No. Xander is not evil."
Dawn opened her mouth to protest, but Andrew continued.
"Further, you both suck. We love you, and we’re glad you’re happy together, but seriously, nobody wants to see you running around the house in your undies. Least of all Buffy. So keep your private crap private, and don’t ever bug us with crap like this again.”
Andrew turned and walked out of the kitchen. Dawn and Xander stood there, stunned.
Andrew popped his head back in. “And soundproof your damn room already.”
I enjoyed this one.
For d_tepes,
Xander defending Baltar's actions to the rest of the Scoobies.
“Buffy!” Dawn yelled, storming through the Slayer house with Xander hot on her heels.
“Dawn, this is ridiculous,” Xander said.
“No, it’s not,” she said. “Clearly, you’ve gone evil.”
“What? I’ve - Dawn, come on.”
“No!” she said, speeding up. “Buffy! Willow!”
“Dawn?” Giles asked, stepping into the hallway ahead of them. “What’s the matter?”
“Apparently I’m evil,” Xander said.
“Oh, dear,” said Giles. “Well, I’ll just be back to -”
“Back to nowhere,” Dawn said, grabbing Giles’s arm and dragging him along. “You’re coming with for the trial.”
“Oh, come on,” Xander said, following the two of them. “Let the man have his tea in peace!”
“No peace for an evil Xander,” Dawn said.
They eventually found Buffy, Willow, Faith and Andrew in the kitchen, chatting over leftovers from the evening meal. Dawn stepped in front of them, crossed her arms and cleared her throat.
“Why have you abducted Giles?” Buffy asked.
Giles sighed. “Apparently, Xander is evil now, and this requires my presence.”
“Ugh,” said Buffy, rolling her eyes. “I so do not want to be a part of whatever bizarre mating ritual the two of you have cooked up.”
“Hey!” Dawn and Xander said.
“This is not a mating ritual,” Dawn said.
“Yeah, it has nothing to do with that!” Xander said.
“So, what does it have to do with?” Willow asked, chewing on a stick of celery. “Cuz, your outfits? Not helping the cause.”
Xander and Dawn looked each other over. He was wearing flannel pajama pants and no shirt, and Dawn was wearing very short shorts and his shirt, the sleeves rolled up on her arms.
“What it has to do with,” Dawn said, “is that he has turned evil.”
“How?” asked Faith.
“He’s been defending the single most selfish character in all of history,” Dawn said.
“He’s defending Blair Waldorf?” Buffy asked.
This gave Dawn pause. “Okay, second most selfish character. But by far, the consequences of Blair Waldorf’s actions don’t even hold a candle to those of one Dr. Gaius Baltar.”
Andrew gasped.
Faith leaned over to Willow. “Who are they talking about?”
“Gaius Baltar,” she whispered. “A brilliant scientist and occasional politician on Battlestar Galactica.”
“And who’s the Blain person?”
“Blair. Waldorf,” she said. “Gossip Girl.”
“Got it.”
“Okay,” Buffy said, pulling Giles away from her sister and allowing him to sit. “Now, clearly you’re not going to leave us alone until we hear this out. What’s the problem?”
“Xander thinks Baltar was entirely justified in everything he did.”
“Oh, that is a complete overstatement of what I said!”
“What did you say?” Andrew asked. “How could you possibly defend him?”
“I didn’t say he was justified in what he did,” Xander said. “I merely said that a lot of it was understandable.”
“Like allowing the Cylons access to the colonial defense satellite system?!?” Andrew exclaimed, rising to his feet. “How dare you, sir, billions of people died!”
“Andrew, sit down,” Buffy said. She turned back to Xander and Dawn. She opened her mouth for a second, and then shook her head. “I can’t believe I’m about to say this. The… colonial defense satellite system?”
“Okay, first off,” Xander said, “Baltar absolutely made a mistake allowing anybody access to the defense system. I don’t deny that. But to be honest, it’s something that shouldn’t have had any repercussions, beyond a little industrial espionage.”
“But it did,” Willow said. “Like Andrew said, billions of people died.”
“True,” said Xander. “But that’s because nobody had ever imagined that there would be human-form Cylons. You can’t blame Baltar for not knowing something that no other human in the galaxy knew, either. So, yes, he gave her access. Yes it was a mistake, but she solved problems for him, he thought she was after a defense contract, and she was sleeping with him. Smart? No. But understandable.”
Buffy crossed her arms. “Next charge?”
“His appeasement of and surrender to the Cylons on New Caprica,” said Dawn.
“Clearly, not the preferred outcome,” Xander said. “And it’s not something, probably that most of us would have done. But, look, Baltar is interested in two things: surviving and not looking like the bad guy. When forced to choose between them, he chooses survival. At that point, the fleet was basically ripped apart. Nobody was ready for the Cylons. They showed up with a bunch of base stars, the Galactica and the Pegasus jumped out of the system, and he was offered a choice: surrender or we kill everyone.”
Xander shrugged. “It’s an understandable decision. I don’t like it, but I can’t say I wouldn’t have made it. Could he have contributed more to the Resistance? Absolutely. Could he have tried to argue with the Cylons more? Almost certainly. But he was trying to keep people alive. And he did.”
“Hmm,” said Giles. “Anything else?”
“Lying about the results of the Cylon detector with Boomer, and sabotaging the Cylon detector in general,” Andrew said.
“Again, self preservation. It was a horrible decision, and cost a lot of people their lives. But it did keep him safe. Also, he was paranoid and being driven mad by the Six in his head.”
“Helping Gina escape,” Willow said.
Xander rolled his eyes. “Come on. The crew of the Pegasus had been abusing and raping her. He, more than anybody else but Helo and the Chief at that point, knew that Cylons weren’t just robots, but that they were real people. Admiral Cain got what she deserved, and while it may have been vengeance, and not justice, helping Gina escape isn’t really even on the list of his crimes.”
He looked around at them. “Anything else?” Nobody said anything. “So? Am I evil?”
Buffy, Willow, Faith, Andrew, and Giles put their heads together. They whispered for almost a minute before separating again.
“Well?” Dawn asked, her arms crossed and her foot tapping impatiently on the floor.
“We have come to a decision,” Giles said. “But unless you two agree to some rules, we will leave this matter to you to decide.”
“What rules?” Xander asked.
“First,” said Willow, “our decision is final. Neither of you can appeal.”
Dawn and Xander nodded.
“Second,” Faith said, “you have to abide by our ruling. We say, you obey. Understood?”
“Yeah,” said Xander. Dawn nodded.
“Finally,” said Buffy, “understand that this decision is unanimous. We rule here with one voice. There is no ‘divide and conquer’ so if you’re mad at one of us because of this, you’re mad at all of us. Okay?”
“Yeah, we get it,” Dawn said. “Can we have the ruling please?”
The five of them rose, and Buffy, Willow, Faith and Giles filed solemnly out of the kitchen. Andrew stood in front of Dawn and Xander, hands clasped in front of him and looked at them very seriously.
“Friends,” he said, “dear friends. You have come to us with a matter for our adjudication. We have heard your arguments, and we have come to our decision. Are you ready?”
“We are,” they said, Dawn’s hand grasping Xander’s.
“Good,” Andrew said. “No. Xander is not evil."
Dawn opened her mouth to protest, but Andrew continued.
"Further, you both suck. We love you, and we’re glad you’re happy together, but seriously, nobody wants to see you running around the house in your undies. Least of all Buffy. So keep your private crap private, and don’t ever bug us with crap like this again.”
Andrew turned and walked out of the kitchen. Dawn and Xander stood there, stunned.
Andrew popped his head back in. “And soundproof your damn room already.”