deep and important brain things.
< that is from the chinese new year 'festival' that the asian student association held last week, quite possibly the best cny event i've ever attended: one of the boys doing the shaolin martial arts demonstration accidentally kicked 2 holes through the cafeteria wall. the announcers were flabbergasted, and the boys themselves -- up in their tight white wife-beaters and gelled hair, the very essence of canto-pop hipster butch -- looked so sheepish it was adorable. of course my housemates thought i was being insane, so easily amused, and then they thought i was being inane when i went over to the wall and tore out the biggest pieces of plaster out of the holes to keep. afterward, i got the traditional chinese characters 龍龍 drawn on my shoulder, which translates literally to 'dragon dragon' but actually describes a dragon in flight. according to my roommate, anyway. of course she might just be motioning to the world about my redundancy in her life, but it's okay: it was free, superficial, and washed off when wet, so it's her case in point.
lately my sleep patterns have been obscene bc of insomnia, but my writing groove is coming back -- thank god; i think it's s.a.d. levelling out and ameliorating, seeing as how almost exactly this time last year was when i dove back into the rp circuit, applying for st. john allerdyce @ SWEET X HIGH who is still my favorite. oh, john. every power punk song in the world will be about you and nothing in your life shall ever be beautiful.
despite the above theory regarding mood disorder, however, i have been picking quite a few bones w/ the world lately. i guess this isn't too surprising a thing for me; i differentiate starkly between being pissed off over principle and the malaise from seasons. i can be pissed off but generally happy without getting depressed, but i didnt used to get pissed off this much. as such, i can only suspect that i'm changing as a person and quite possibly also getting to know other people better. it makes me wonder if i am cut out to become a psychotherapist; some part of me is no longer content with allowing people to find relative happiness if it's by delusion or rote, 'muddling along' in masturbatory comforts without resolution. if i'm going to help someone i want to take actions of consequence based on clarity of thought, and it drives me crazy when people don't see, when others become the victims of one's victimization, insecurities crawl like maggots from every orifice, pride staaaaalls and staaaaaaaaaalls and -- arguably the worst part -- one's experiences become so singular and self-centered that the only way some can intimately connect with different people is by requiring their sympathy instead of mutual empathy. fucking a. i hate it when empowerment becomes about stupid power-play instead of justice and equality.
i think that's why some feminist discussions drive me crazy, too. completely lose the point. for instance, take today's 'cultural perspectives in china: heroes' class -- everyone was losing their shit over how the female protagonists were never realistic. they came off as extensions of Confucius' finger wagging from down the dynasties, yes, but for God's sake -- we'd spent the past 7 classes lamenting how unheroic their male counterparts were, too. muscleheaded martial heroes whose missions flopped, the one 'success' won off the edge of a knife that slit the throats of ten innocent people, whiny princes who don't do their own fighting, skinny scholars who were led by the nose by two-dimensional female characters, emperors chased in circles around their throne until their physician hits the bad guy with his medicine bag. they're all human and the storytellers (or translators) may have been somewhat lacking. there is sickening bigotry and exploitation rife in chinese history by anyone's standards, and i don't mind discussing that -- as long as we're actually discussing that.
i need some sort of senior thesis for my english major. i am thinking about writing a story where a woman is an asshole even by 'male' standards and the men are as worthless as women complain culture paints them and both genders suffer the trials of rape and redemption, the words 'construct,' 'eidolon' and 'conformity' get used exactly 44 times each, and the final boss has silicone injections in his gonads, an ironic sense of humor about it, a counting house and a vegetarian cat. and the gross natural product is the charges on your MOM.
we got a blizzard the other day and my one wednesday class got cancelled. surprisingly, the constant threat of slipping and concussing yourself on iced streets distracts from singles awareness day.
i also have new icons and web-design in-progress.
beta
beta
alpha, colorcasts here -- clients have chosen blue and black.
D: god the inconsistent grain makes me hurt
the icon used on this livejournal entry features chad michael murray from the latest episode of one tree hill, where he shows up done in goth for all of 4 seconds. what a sad and beautiful woman. my other one is of adam lazzara, right here, with words poached from some highly articulate intellectual who hangs out at kanna. i wish his nose ring showed up better. he is a pretty funny boy.