Don't cry for me, Southside Pittsburgh...
...the truth is I never left you...
Well, okay...I did. But I did it for a good reason. It's true. OHHH now, come on...Don't look at me like that. It wasn't working out for either of us, you know that. It's not that I don't love you. I do. But not in the way you WANT me to love you. If we kept on as we were there would have been nothing but heartache and emotional fallout for who-the-hell-knows HOW long. You'll find someone else to make you laugh (at or with, you pick) I promise. Someone who is more worthy of what you have to offer. Someone who can look at your particular brand of madness and embrace it, wrapping his or her arms around you in a mighty hug. Unfortunately, dear Southside, my arms are too pre-occupied right now to embrace you. We can still be friends. I promise. I'll still visit. You'll get over me.
Oooookay...Enough of that silliness. The fact is, I'm catching some flack for not being around. The words 'abandoned', 'ran away', 'disappeared' and 'asshole' have been tossed about and while the 'asshole' part isn't anything new, I think I should explain the rest. I haven't 'abandoned' anyone or anything. No, I haven't been around or been in touch a lot. The reason I left is because I just simply couldn't take it anymore. I couldn't take the noise and the movement and the constant bombardment of drama (even if it was my OWN drama that I was being bombarded with). I was losing my grip. I was losing my mind and, most importantly, I was losing myself. I was forgetting who I was, who I wanted to be, and where I wanted to go. I was forgetting what I held important and what was meaningful to me. I was neglecting my art. I was neglecting my heart. I needed to 'go away and dream it all up again'.
It hasn't been a fruitless journey. Quite the contrary. I've been more creative. I've been more at ease. I've been more healthy. I quit smoking (and quickly gained about ten pounds which I am bound and determined to lose again), I quit drinking (well, OVERdrinking) and I quit being so god-damned hard on myself. I fell madly and passionately in love with someone who has been a close and dear friend of mine for nearly a decade and she has chosen to join me on my journey. I've speant a lot of time with her at her townhouse where it is quiet and serene and we wake up in a comfortable bed with the moutains right outside the window. It's a dream. It's paradise. It makes me calm. It makes me level. It makes me happy.
OH MY GOD! Did you HEAR THAT?
It
Makes
Me
Happy
It's an incredible feeling, this happiness thing I recommend it to all of you.
But I must take the time now to say that I haven't abandoned my friends. I work 11:30 am until 9pm four days a week and early morning Saturday. I don't have much time for anything, really. I don't feel like going to Dee's after work and the Beehive has, honesltly, lost it's appeal to me. I'm not too fond of the recent clientele and you can only be asked for change by a smack-addict so many times before it simply gets tiresome. I love my friends. I try to send at least a 'hey there' from time to time just to let you know that I'm alive. I lost my old phone so I need to re-program some numbers in there (Josh, this is for you, mainly. I got your message. Call again). Everyone has been very kind and accepting of Cheryl and that means so much to me. I'm just not comfortable hanging out on the Southside all the time anymore. From time-to-time, yes. it's very nice. It's like the prodigal son coming home. But I can't do it all the time. It's draining.
So, there you have it. My official statement on the subject. The people who WANT to talk to me do. And those who don't care don't. It's cosmic ballance.
Well, okay...I did. But I did it for a good reason. It's true. OHHH now, come on...Don't look at me like that. It wasn't working out for either of us, you know that. It's not that I don't love you. I do. But not in the way you WANT me to love you. If we kept on as we were there would have been nothing but heartache and emotional fallout for who-the-hell-knows HOW long. You'll find someone else to make you laugh (at or with, you pick) I promise. Someone who is more worthy of what you have to offer. Someone who can look at your particular brand of madness and embrace it, wrapping his or her arms around you in a mighty hug. Unfortunately, dear Southside, my arms are too pre-occupied right now to embrace you. We can still be friends. I promise. I'll still visit. You'll get over me.
Oooookay...Enough of that silliness. The fact is, I'm catching some flack for not being around. The words 'abandoned', 'ran away', 'disappeared' and 'asshole' have been tossed about and while the 'asshole' part isn't anything new, I think I should explain the rest. I haven't 'abandoned' anyone or anything. No, I haven't been around or been in touch a lot. The reason I left is because I just simply couldn't take it anymore. I couldn't take the noise and the movement and the constant bombardment of drama (even if it was my OWN drama that I was being bombarded with). I was losing my grip. I was losing my mind and, most importantly, I was losing myself. I was forgetting who I was, who I wanted to be, and where I wanted to go. I was forgetting what I held important and what was meaningful to me. I was neglecting my art. I was neglecting my heart. I needed to 'go away and dream it all up again'.
It hasn't been a fruitless journey. Quite the contrary. I've been more creative. I've been more at ease. I've been more healthy. I quit smoking (and quickly gained about ten pounds which I am bound and determined to lose again), I quit drinking (well, OVERdrinking) and I quit being so god-damned hard on myself. I fell madly and passionately in love with someone who has been a close and dear friend of mine for nearly a decade and she has chosen to join me on my journey. I've speant a lot of time with her at her townhouse where it is quiet and serene and we wake up in a comfortable bed with the moutains right outside the window. It's a dream. It's paradise. It makes me calm. It makes me level. It makes me happy.
OH MY GOD! Did you HEAR THAT?
It
Makes
Me
Happy
It's an incredible feeling, this happiness thing I recommend it to all of you.
But I must take the time now to say that I haven't abandoned my friends. I work 11:30 am until 9pm four days a week and early morning Saturday. I don't have much time for anything, really. I don't feel like going to Dee's after work and the Beehive has, honesltly, lost it's appeal to me. I'm not too fond of the recent clientele and you can only be asked for change by a smack-addict so many times before it simply gets tiresome. I love my friends. I try to send at least a 'hey there' from time to time just to let you know that I'm alive. I lost my old phone so I need to re-program some numbers in there (Josh, this is for you, mainly. I got your message. Call again). Everyone has been very kind and accepting of Cheryl and that means so much to me. I'm just not comfortable hanging out on the Southside all the time anymore. From time-to-time, yes. it's very nice. It's like the prodigal son coming home. But I can't do it all the time. It's draining.
So, there you have it. My official statement on the subject. The people who WANT to talk to me do. And those who don't care don't. It's cosmic ballance.