Well...
...to describe where I am now. I'm at a point where I'm seeing a lot of things for what they are rather than what i've been led to believe. I'm realising just how much certain people manipulate me and try to control me so that they can get what they want all the while making me believe it's what I want.
I've had many run ins with people I thought were friends who betrayed me so utterly that I started missing the little things and overlooking them. However these little things have slowly built to the point where I'm become far worse off due to the actions I've chosen based on lies, manipulated information fed to me and just plain biast advice designed to get me where said people want me without thought of what I truly want.
I've been off my medication for over 3 weeks now, and I've weened myself off caffeine as well now. My coping skills (what little of them I have) are being taxed to the limit and well beyond but I'm not taking the easy numb path again. I know what I feel and what I want again. And I'll be damned if I'll let it slip through my fingers again even if last time it was by my own actions that I let it happen. This time I'm going to bear the full brunt of my emotions, even if it means becoming a wreck again. At least I'll become a much stronger person in the end. Hopefully.
In other news, I've finally started listening to Tori Amos in a good and proper fashion. I need to kick myself for not doing it earlier since I've had a great deal of her music for years now. God I'm an idiot.
One last interesting tidbit I discovered about me. After comparing various religions to my beliefs and my lifestyle, it has become apparent that I'm actually disturbingly close to being a satanist (devil worshippers and satanists are two completely different things people). Almost scary. Gonna be a fun topic to take up with my parents at the dinner table though.
*smiles with evil glee*
Shout outs:
Emz: keep us up to date with da boy :D
Wenna: live life to it's fullest and damn the man :D
Giles: listen to The Paradise Motel. You'll thank me for it.
Everyone else: Dont do drugs. Do good drugs :D
I've had many run ins with people I thought were friends who betrayed me so utterly that I started missing the little things and overlooking them. However these little things have slowly built to the point where I'm become far worse off due to the actions I've chosen based on lies, manipulated information fed to me and just plain biast advice designed to get me where said people want me without thought of what I truly want.
I've been off my medication for over 3 weeks now, and I've weened myself off caffeine as well now. My coping skills (what little of them I have) are being taxed to the limit and well beyond but I'm not taking the easy numb path again. I know what I feel and what I want again. And I'll be damned if I'll let it slip through my fingers again even if last time it was by my own actions that I let it happen. This time I'm going to bear the full brunt of my emotions, even if it means becoming a wreck again. At least I'll become a much stronger person in the end. Hopefully.
In other news, I've finally started listening to Tori Amos in a good and proper fashion. I need to kick myself for not doing it earlier since I've had a great deal of her music for years now. God I'm an idiot.
One last interesting tidbit I discovered about me. After comparing various religions to my beliefs and my lifestyle, it has become apparent that I'm actually disturbingly close to being a satanist (devil worshippers and satanists are two completely different things people). Almost scary. Gonna be a fun topic to take up with my parents at the dinner table though.
*smiles with evil glee*
Shout outs:
Emz: keep us up to date with da boy :D
Wenna: live life to it's fullest and damn the man :D
Giles: listen to The Paradise Motel. You'll thank me for it.
Everyone else: Dont do drugs. Do good drugs :D