From Thanksgiving 2015
One year ago today, my father came to my home and tried to instigate a fistfight with me on my front porch. He was angry that Heather and I had participated in an anti police brutality rally organized by Ash-Lee Woodard Henderson. Rather than beating him unconscious and stealing his teeth, I told him to get off my property else I would call the police. He texted me minutes later and said "Don't ever ask me for shit again. Forget I'm your dad."
We haven't spoken since.
You'd think that a year without contacting my last surviving parent would cause me great pain, but honestly, I've been carrying around such a healthy dose of self-loathing he started piling upon me in childhood that being disowned only stung for a few minutes.
(Sometimes I wonder if I'm not so used to feeling bad that it's become familiar, and I really don't know what it's like to feel good.)
So among the host of other things for which I am thankful on this day, I am thankful for a year in which I have not had to pretend to be something which I am not. I am thankful for a year in which I have not had to argue (with him) over racist bullshit. I am thankful for a year in which he has not been around to say racist shit in front of my kids. I am thankful for a year in which I have not heard any new insults to make me hate myself any more than I already do. I am thankful for a year in which I've not had to walk on eggshells in an effort to maintain the illusion that my father loved me.
In many ways, it's been one of the best years of my life.
Cling tightly to the ones who love you, friends. Family, and particularly intentional family (chosen rather than assigned at birth) is so very important; let go the ones who don't love you, and cherish the ones who do.
I hope you all have a wonderful day with your loved ones.
Happy Thanksgiving, everyone.
We haven't spoken since.
You'd think that a year without contacting my last surviving parent would cause me great pain, but honestly, I've been carrying around such a healthy dose of self-loathing he started piling upon me in childhood that being disowned only stung for a few minutes.
(Sometimes I wonder if I'm not so used to feeling bad that it's become familiar, and I really don't know what it's like to feel good.)
So among the host of other things for which I am thankful on this day, I am thankful for a year in which I have not had to pretend to be something which I am not. I am thankful for a year in which I have not had to argue (with him) over racist bullshit. I am thankful for a year in which he has not been around to say racist shit in front of my kids. I am thankful for a year in which I have not heard any new insults to make me hate myself any more than I already do. I am thankful for a year in which I've not had to walk on eggshells in an effort to maintain the illusion that my father loved me.
In many ways, it's been one of the best years of my life.
Cling tightly to the ones who love you, friends. Family, and particularly intentional family (chosen rather than assigned at birth) is so very important; let go the ones who don't love you, and cherish the ones who do.
I hope you all have a wonderful day with your loved ones.
Happy Thanksgiving, everyone.