Long Post
I haven't done a real update to my journal in a long while, I know.
I'm having a hard time writing real posts because I have so many mixed emotions about so many things, and I don't know what to do. This is a very confusing time in my life. I don't know where I want my future to go. I don't know what to do to be truly happy again. And on top of all this, I don't feel like there's anyone that truly understands me all the time. I'm so misunderstood, and when I try to explain these things to anyone else, like my parents, it ends up in some kind of argument or something like that.
I've got to start working on the future. Somehow. If things don't change direction soon, I'll probably be living with my parents until I'm 35. Before last summer, I was sure I wanted to major in Political Science. I was sure I wanted to do speech events at school. Honestly, it seems that I've lost all interest in speech events. All those trophies gave me happiness for just a few fleeting moments. Then it was gone. What does everyone else do to be happy? Why can't I be happy and satisfied and content?
What about my Major? Well, I'm not so certain about that anymore. It's the way that people treat each other and the things that they do for each other. It's horrible. I knew that all along, but I thought that I could handle all that without participating in or supporting it. But let's be real, okay? The chances of any success through that method are very low. I really want to help people and to make the world a better place, but things aren't that simple!
The thing to do right now, really, is to do the work that I choose and find some semblence of comfort and joy in that. Maybe it will all straighten out. Maybe tomorrow. Maybe when I'm 60 years old. I don't know.
One of the things I need to do is to start trying to be less sensitive/emotional. That always seems to get me in lots of trouble. People simply don't understand, don't try, or don't care at all. And anyone who sees that seems to try to take advantage of that and use it to their own ends. Sometimes it feels like life just spits on you every chance it gets. Everything goes wrong in every possible way every time. If it weren't for bad luck, I'd have no luck at all.
Well, that's my caged emotions for the last several weeks. Maybe one day I'll look back on this and think that it's silly. Anyway, that's all for now.
I'm having a hard time writing real posts because I have so many mixed emotions about so many things, and I don't know what to do. This is a very confusing time in my life. I don't know where I want my future to go. I don't know what to do to be truly happy again. And on top of all this, I don't feel like there's anyone that truly understands me all the time. I'm so misunderstood, and when I try to explain these things to anyone else, like my parents, it ends up in some kind of argument or something like that.
I've got to start working on the future. Somehow. If things don't change direction soon, I'll probably be living with my parents until I'm 35. Before last summer, I was sure I wanted to major in Political Science. I was sure I wanted to do speech events at school. Honestly, it seems that I've lost all interest in speech events. All those trophies gave me happiness for just a few fleeting moments. Then it was gone. What does everyone else do to be happy? Why can't I be happy and satisfied and content?
What about my Major? Well, I'm not so certain about that anymore. It's the way that people treat each other and the things that they do for each other. It's horrible. I knew that all along, but I thought that I could handle all that without participating in or supporting it. But let's be real, okay? The chances of any success through that method are very low. I really want to help people and to make the world a better place, but things aren't that simple!
The thing to do right now, really, is to do the work that I choose and find some semblence of comfort and joy in that. Maybe it will all straighten out. Maybe tomorrow. Maybe when I'm 60 years old. I don't know.
One of the things I need to do is to start trying to be less sensitive/emotional. That always seems to get me in lots of trouble. People simply don't understand, don't try, or don't care at all. And anyone who sees that seems to try to take advantage of that and use it to their own ends. Sometimes it feels like life just spits on you every chance it gets. Everything goes wrong in every possible way every time. If it weren't for bad luck, I'd have no luck at all.
Well, that's my caged emotions for the last several weeks. Maybe one day I'll look back on this and think that it's silly. Anyway, that's all for now.