(no subject)
again i update
well today was not too bad of a day. when i woke up, i still felt tired. i think i might be depressed about a lot of things. girls, freinds, school, home. there are 2 girls i like. i think one of them doesnt feel the way i do for her, i think she is still obsessed over her ex; and the other.... i dont know. i want to hang out with her a lot, and when i ask her she says yeah, but then when i call her she is gone. it pisses me off. i think she just tells me what i want to here. fuck her. my freinds are mainly cool i guess, but there are 2 that upset me. one of my oldest freinds, phil, practically hates me, which bums me out. he and i were really good freinds until about half way through 10th grade, then he stopped hangin out with me. i think its because of the things i do, like "bibles" and "holy water". i dont think he should judge me because of the things i do for fun because those things dont affect the person i am, but whatever, it doesnt make any difference. my other freind thomas pisses me off way worse. he has basicly been fuckin me over for almost 5 months. he and i went in half on a drum set together. and after a while i wanted him to buy my half, because i never played the set. and it was my bad for buggin him so much (i regret that), but he fuckin snapped at me and was bein all bitchy about it. shortly after we became cool again. that was about 5 months ago. since then we have barely talked about it at all. and now he seems to be makin money a lot, and not making any effort to even try and pay me back. all the time he has money to spend at places like marble slab, jamba juice, and even the fucking olive garden, but cant give me any. he has no idea what its like being poor like i am, nobody does. but thats not his fault i guess. i just wish he would try and talk to me about it, try and work somethin out. now for school. im fuckin up big time. i never do my work and i barely pass any of my core classes. because of that, ive pretty much ruled out goin to college. the only things o have goin for me in school are music and my cisco class. im fucked. at home, nothing goes right for me. my mom doesnt have a job, i dont have a job, no steady income, and constant fighting. all of this is starting to get to be too much for me, its so fuckin hard. and its even harder for me to talk about it unless im drunk. my mom is upset and depressed because of whats going on with everything she takes her anger out on me all of the time, and i just have to take it. ive been trying to get a job so i can get money to her to support my family, cuz my worthless dad sure doesnt help out at all. its so hard to deal with everything, i find myself almost needing to get drunk or high just to cal down a little bit. that makes me sad too. im in a horrible way right now.
i will be ok...
i hope
well today was not too bad of a day. when i woke up, i still felt tired. i think i might be depressed about a lot of things. girls, freinds, school, home. there are 2 girls i like. i think one of them doesnt feel the way i do for her, i think she is still obsessed over her ex; and the other.... i dont know. i want to hang out with her a lot, and when i ask her she says yeah, but then when i call her she is gone. it pisses me off. i think she just tells me what i want to here. fuck her. my freinds are mainly cool i guess, but there are 2 that upset me. one of my oldest freinds, phil, practically hates me, which bums me out. he and i were really good freinds until about half way through 10th grade, then he stopped hangin out with me. i think its because of the things i do, like "bibles" and "holy water". i dont think he should judge me because of the things i do for fun because those things dont affect the person i am, but whatever, it doesnt make any difference. my other freind thomas pisses me off way worse. he has basicly been fuckin me over for almost 5 months. he and i went in half on a drum set together. and after a while i wanted him to buy my half, because i never played the set. and it was my bad for buggin him so much (i regret that), but he fuckin snapped at me and was bein all bitchy about it. shortly after we became cool again. that was about 5 months ago. since then we have barely talked about it at all. and now he seems to be makin money a lot, and not making any effort to even try and pay me back. all the time he has money to spend at places like marble slab, jamba juice, and even the fucking olive garden, but cant give me any. he has no idea what its like being poor like i am, nobody does. but thats not his fault i guess. i just wish he would try and talk to me about it, try and work somethin out. now for school. im fuckin up big time. i never do my work and i barely pass any of my core classes. because of that, ive pretty much ruled out goin to college. the only things o have goin for me in school are music and my cisco class. im fucked. at home, nothing goes right for me. my mom doesnt have a job, i dont have a job, no steady income, and constant fighting. all of this is starting to get to be too much for me, its so fuckin hard. and its even harder for me to talk about it unless im drunk. my mom is upset and depressed because of whats going on with everything she takes her anger out on me all of the time, and i just have to take it. ive been trying to get a job so i can get money to her to support my family, cuz my worthless dad sure doesnt help out at all. its so hard to deal with everything, i find myself almost needing to get drunk or high just to cal down a little bit. that makes me sad too. im in a horrible way right now.
i will be ok...
i hope