There is an angel by your hospital bed.
Hello all.
I've been lying in my bed for almost an hour now, drowsy but not falling asleep, listening to Copeland's "Beneath Medicine Tree" (which is fantastic by the way), slowly sorting through the thoughts racing through my head at a hundred miles a minute. I was inspired, from what I'm not sure, to write something such as this and felt compelled to jump to it now or else what it is I have to say would be lost should I try to jot it down tomorrow.
I got to thinking (as I tend to do quite often living at my current residence) about myself, my life, changes I have undergone, and more specifically my journal entries of most recent months. I get the feeling that if you were to read through the last 20 or so entries here you would think of me as someone who is unhappy with life, scared of the future and possibly regretful of choices that may have been made. I want you to know that that is NOT who I am. Far too many of you here use these journals to update us all with the happenings of your day and quite frankly, that's boring. It was bound to happen, though, for you to fall into that routine. Imagine the hypocrosy of an "online journal," hell it's right there in it's own title! If you happen to fall into this category of people know that I am not scolding you, I too fell into this routine when I first opened my own livejournal account years back. Feel free to scan through my archives if you need the proof. If an entry begins with "Today I..." you can bet I'm skipping right on past it to the next one, no offense I just don't care to know. What I want to know is what you feel at that moment, what you think about, what makes you the person you are, etc. Those entries are what truly interest me about you, because after reading it I feel I've gotten to know you a little better. I am a firm believer in the statement "everything happens for a reason." I know that every choice and change that has been made over the last 3 years of my life since departing high school, has happened for a reason. Every person I've come to know, is in my life because they are meant to be there. I am now 7 months removed from 4 of the greatest years in my life, and it's taken the entire amount of time for me to begin to understand what everything that has happened has meant to me. I wish I could grab every person that has had to or is dealing with the same situation by the shoulders, shake them and say "Goddamnit, I have seen the light!" The one thing in life that scares me now is the thought that I will die alone, but I can accept it. They say every person is born alone, so it would only make sense to die alone, right? I can accept it because I had the opportunity to experience just about everything that two people can experience with each other, with a few exceptions. I experienced love, and I have no regrets. If you have had this opportunity as well then it will heal your pain just like it did mine, and you'll know that in the end everything will be alright. It is only since my break-up that I have begun to understand and appreciate what music is and what it really is about. It is here to heal us. So many times I would hear a song and think to myself that that song was written specifically for me and the situation I was dealing with. Think about it, think about every monumental change or event in your life, both happy and sad, and I bet there is a song out there that could describe it word for word. Music lets us know that it's a big, scary world out there, but you're not alone, there is always someone else that has gone through what you have, and they've survived and you will too, or that they've experienced such happiness that you have been able to experience. Music is a blessing and it is because of this that I take great pride in what I have been given the opportunity to take part of, in the hopes that someone will listen to our music and connect with it the way I have connected with mine. That's what it really is about. I am grateful for all the people that have taken the time out of their life to know me and call me their friend, both the close ones and the ones that come and go. I know with some there have been quarrels and always will be, but I'm human and so are you and it's our nature to do that. I wouldn't call you my friend if I didn't appreciate having you in my life. I think deep down I'm hoping that someday someone will look at my writings or listen to my thoughts and think of me as a person of intelligence, someone who stood for something in life and had something to say. I'm not quite sure what it is yet. I've re-discovered my interest in faith. I don't believe in religion anymore, it's bullshit. I do believe in a relationship with God, a higher power. It helps me to get along, just having that something to believe in. I believe that everyone goes somewhere once they leave this Earth, and I like to believe that all of my family and friends that have left so soon in my life are with this person that I can talk to and are being taken care of, the same way I am here. That is what faith is to me. Am I a happy person? Certainly not. It's going to be a while for me to sit back and say "Yes, I am happy with life right now." But I am content, content with the fact that I know that is in my future. It gives me something to look forward to. Live every day as if it were your last, because one day it will be.
If you read all of that, thank you. Please consider it genuine and sincere, because it is. It is me. If the above seems to intense and deep for you, especially coming from me, try this one then:
"I dig music... I'M ON DRUGS!!!" You figure it out.
Peace, Love and Rock N'Roll,
Richard
I've been lying in my bed for almost an hour now, drowsy but not falling asleep, listening to Copeland's "Beneath Medicine Tree" (which is fantastic by the way), slowly sorting through the thoughts racing through my head at a hundred miles a minute. I was inspired, from what I'm not sure, to write something such as this and felt compelled to jump to it now or else what it is I have to say would be lost should I try to jot it down tomorrow.
I got to thinking (as I tend to do quite often living at my current residence) about myself, my life, changes I have undergone, and more specifically my journal entries of most recent months. I get the feeling that if you were to read through the last 20 or so entries here you would think of me as someone who is unhappy with life, scared of the future and possibly regretful of choices that may have been made. I want you to know that that is NOT who I am. Far too many of you here use these journals to update us all with the happenings of your day and quite frankly, that's boring. It was bound to happen, though, for you to fall into that routine. Imagine the hypocrosy of an "online journal," hell it's right there in it's own title! If you happen to fall into this category of people know that I am not scolding you, I too fell into this routine when I first opened my own livejournal account years back. Feel free to scan through my archives if you need the proof. If an entry begins with "Today I..." you can bet I'm skipping right on past it to the next one, no offense I just don't care to know. What I want to know is what you feel at that moment, what you think about, what makes you the person you are, etc. Those entries are what truly interest me about you, because after reading it I feel I've gotten to know you a little better. I am a firm believer in the statement "everything happens for a reason." I know that every choice and change that has been made over the last 3 years of my life since departing high school, has happened for a reason. Every person I've come to know, is in my life because they are meant to be there. I am now 7 months removed from 4 of the greatest years in my life, and it's taken the entire amount of time for me to begin to understand what everything that has happened has meant to me. I wish I could grab every person that has had to or is dealing with the same situation by the shoulders, shake them and say "Goddamnit, I have seen the light!" The one thing in life that scares me now is the thought that I will die alone, but I can accept it. They say every person is born alone, so it would only make sense to die alone, right? I can accept it because I had the opportunity to experience just about everything that two people can experience with each other, with a few exceptions. I experienced love, and I have no regrets. If you have had this opportunity as well then it will heal your pain just like it did mine, and you'll know that in the end everything will be alright. It is only since my break-up that I have begun to understand and appreciate what music is and what it really is about. It is here to heal us. So many times I would hear a song and think to myself that that song was written specifically for me and the situation I was dealing with. Think about it, think about every monumental change or event in your life, both happy and sad, and I bet there is a song out there that could describe it word for word. Music lets us know that it's a big, scary world out there, but you're not alone, there is always someone else that has gone through what you have, and they've survived and you will too, or that they've experienced such happiness that you have been able to experience. Music is a blessing and it is because of this that I take great pride in what I have been given the opportunity to take part of, in the hopes that someone will listen to our music and connect with it the way I have connected with mine. That's what it really is about. I am grateful for all the people that have taken the time out of their life to know me and call me their friend, both the close ones and the ones that come and go. I know with some there have been quarrels and always will be, but I'm human and so are you and it's our nature to do that. I wouldn't call you my friend if I didn't appreciate having you in my life. I think deep down I'm hoping that someday someone will look at my writings or listen to my thoughts and think of me as a person of intelligence, someone who stood for something in life and had something to say. I'm not quite sure what it is yet. I've re-discovered my interest in faith. I don't believe in religion anymore, it's bullshit. I do believe in a relationship with God, a higher power. It helps me to get along, just having that something to believe in. I believe that everyone goes somewhere once they leave this Earth, and I like to believe that all of my family and friends that have left so soon in my life are with this person that I can talk to and are being taken care of, the same way I am here. That is what faith is to me. Am I a happy person? Certainly not. It's going to be a while for me to sit back and say "Yes, I am happy with life right now." But I am content, content with the fact that I know that is in my future. It gives me something to look forward to. Live every day as if it were your last, because one day it will be.
If you read all of that, thank you. Please consider it genuine and sincere, because it is. It is me. If the above seems to intense and deep for you, especially coming from me, try this one then:
"I dig music... I'M ON DRUGS!!!" You figure it out.
Peace, Love and Rock N'Roll,
Richard