(no subject)
I almost broke down at the end of lunch today.. I dont exactly know what came over me.. but all of a sudden I started doubting everything.. and I mean, everything. My whole life.. i was even having the thought of quiting band.. and its still in the back of my mind but i know I love band.. I just dont know what came over me, but i just started doubting my existance. I had to try soo hard to keep from crying too. ugh.. it was aweful and i still feel like crap..
I was shaking last night before i went to bed. I dont know why. I wasnt cold or anything... It took me a while to be able to stop and be able to fall asleep.. I really dont want to be saying this, but it reminds me of a few years ago.. end of 7th grade-ish.. now if you know me, you know what im talking about..
I'm just so tired..not in the kind of tired where i need sleep, but tired of everyday things.. Whenever I'm around people I feel like I'm not really there.. and sometimes i just feel like i dont want to be there. like i just want to go be alone with myself rather that be with other people and not really be there.. i havent really felt alive recently. when im with people i still feel lonely. when im alone i feel lonely..
ugh.. i hate this.. I want these feelings to just go away and leave me alone.. I just want to be happy. I dont feel like dealing with these feelings on top of all the stress of everything else right now.. I want to be in college already.. that way i am not stressed about getting in and i dont have to deal with these feelings for another year and a half.. i dont think the feelings will go away when im in college, but i think some of the stress will be gone.. ugh.. a year and a half is a long time tho.. I dont know how everything will work out.. I just want to be happy now... i would rather be happy and stressed rather than depressed and stressed.
I was shaking last night before i went to bed. I dont know why. I wasnt cold or anything... It took me a while to be able to stop and be able to fall asleep.. I really dont want to be saying this, but it reminds me of a few years ago.. end of 7th grade-ish.. now if you know me, you know what im talking about..
I'm just so tired..not in the kind of tired where i need sleep, but tired of everyday things.. Whenever I'm around people I feel like I'm not really there.. and sometimes i just feel like i dont want to be there. like i just want to go be alone with myself rather that be with other people and not really be there.. i havent really felt alive recently. when im with people i still feel lonely. when im alone i feel lonely..
ugh.. i hate this.. I want these feelings to just go away and leave me alone.. I just want to be happy. I dont feel like dealing with these feelings on top of all the stress of everything else right now.. I want to be in college already.. that way i am not stressed about getting in and i dont have to deal with these feelings for another year and a half.. i dont think the feelings will go away when im in college, but i think some of the stress will be gone.. ugh.. a year and a half is a long time tho.. I dont know how everything will work out.. I just want to be happy now... i would rather be happy and stressed rather than depressed and stressed.