Old times
So, I thought I would never look back to my year in the real world as anything but a break from the hectic life of music. Now I think I truly understand my reason for staying there so long. When I went home at the end of a long day I was greeted, asked how my day was, and welcomed back. I miss that. Yeah I worked too much and was always tired. Money was an issue always. But I loved my boys. I got to take care of people that I truly love. And got that reciprocated. They were and are completely predictable. I love that about them. In their hearts they are amazing people. I hadn't realized how much I missed them until today. I hadn't talked to Whitney and Ashley in forever which I feel terrible about. Unfortunately, as I said the music life is really frantic especially these past couple of weeks. I hate losing contact like that. Most importantly I don't like losing contact with Whitney. I do respect her as an equal...but I don't know I care for her like a little sister. A strange relationship for sure. But also an important one. I greatly harmed it last spring out of frustration with her actions and my own depression I lashed out with something I shouldn't have said. I did not say it to her face but to a mutual friend who was so kind to tell her the exact word I had said. While I don't think it was this friend's particular business to repeat my precise statement it did allow us to fix a rift that had settle between us. I am afraid it has permanently harmed the closeness we shared. I haven't really shared that with many. Huh, I don't even know what made me think of it. How strange the insane mind works. It all comes down to the fact that I miss the easy relationship with people who are so close words do not even matter. Where I love you isn't common but is said regularly and with great feeling. These are the people that know the complete me. The ones that see the mask put away. Because with each other we are all ourselves. I am taking this moment to thank them for being obnoxious assholes, flakes, crazy, and utterly predictable in their own ways for they know that I am utterly predictable too. A simple I love you to those that no matter how far away we are will always be a family to me. Not because we spent so much time together, not because we lived together, not because we are just all nuts, but truly because I admire the honesty of the care and love we shared.