badass
I learned something interesting today. I finally have the social authority to be an unwavering badass. I've always felt like a wolf sort of person. That sounds weird, but what I mean is that like wolves, I love a handful of close allies in my pack, and am wary of everybody else. I do not tolerate bullshit or flakiness very well. As a young person (and a female), in our society that seems to most respect males between the ages of 35 and 60, this tendency has been more of a hindrance than a help to me. (I take that back partially-- being this way has kept me from making many a stupid decision with regard to relationships, and I don't have the string of asshole or mismatched boyfriends behind me that so many of my peers have from being too trusting.) It's not something that I can change (believe me I've tried). But now, it seems, as a mother it is okay and even desirable to be this way. They call it being a mama bear, and apparently it's admirable since mama bears take great care of their families and defend them to the death. I don't have to pretend to give people the benefit of the doubt anymore, and I don't have to hand out free second, third, and fourteenth chances. I can demand respect and consideration and if I don't get it, I walk because I have a higher priority now. I guess when it comes to finally having permission to embrace your whole personality, better late than never. It's just too bad it takes having a kid to arrive there.