AHHHHHHH!
So, yesterday my dad and I went to visit Beloit College. It is because of this place that I exist (same for my siblings) and while neither my father nor I expected me to attend this college, we thought we'd get our feet wet with touring colleges. I LOVE THE CAMPUS AND ATMOSPHERE, but, sadly, it doesn't have the music program I'm looking for. So, if I could find a college like that WITH MUSIC that would be wonderful.
So, we mosied home and later I told Mother of our little escapade. She said, "Well, I don't know that you want to be a musician." Dumbfounded I inquire as to how she drew this conclusion. "Musicians do tend to fit that snobbish, druggy, disorganized steriotype, and I don't know that you'll like the other musicians."
I admit this particular comment got me very defensive, but that's beside the point. And afterwards, I couldn't help thinking about my future. What if I don't like my fellow musicians? I know I want music to be a big part of my life, but what if the people scare me away from it? This led me through lots of other 'what-ifs' but the one that's been sticking close to the front of my mind is, "What if I don't find Mr. Right ever?" *but Wait there's more* "And... if I never find him, what if I never have kids?"
This is what's bogging down on my brain the most... basically, the main theme of this is, "What if my hopes and dreams never come true?"
Normally I would wrap this up with some lovely nugget of joy... not to say I'm not happy... I am MUY BIEN! But... I don't have anything "happy" in response to this, because I don't know what's going to happen. And I guess the best I can do is do my best and hope everything turns out for the best.
*sigh*
So, we mosied home and later I told Mother of our little escapade. She said, "Well, I don't know that you want to be a musician." Dumbfounded I inquire as to how she drew this conclusion. "Musicians do tend to fit that snobbish, druggy, disorganized steriotype, and I don't know that you'll like the other musicians."
I admit this particular comment got me very defensive, but that's beside the point. And afterwards, I couldn't help thinking about my future. What if I don't like my fellow musicians? I know I want music to be a big part of my life, but what if the people scare me away from it? This led me through lots of other 'what-ifs' but the one that's been sticking close to the front of my mind is, "What if I don't find Mr. Right ever?" *but Wait there's more* "And... if I never find him, what if I never have kids?"
This is what's bogging down on my brain the most... basically, the main theme of this is, "What if my hopes and dreams never come true?"
Normally I would wrap this up with some lovely nugget of joy... not to say I'm not happy... I am MUY BIEN! But... I don't have anything "happy" in response to this, because I don't know what's going to happen. And I guess the best I can do is do my best and hope everything turns out for the best.
*sigh*