Just ramblings
I realized today that no matter where I'll be, I'll find a reason to be unhappy. I've turned into one of "those" people, and I'm shattered by that revelation. What happened?
My coworker Sara says I need to be a school librarian so I could have summers off to and maybe I'd be able to cope with being fully employed.
I wish I had time to think. Time to enjoy the little time I have on this plane of existence. To live.
I want to go back to school, but not for librarianship. I want to . . .
Did I ever tell you I wanted to be a chef? I wanted to make beautiful food that tasted good. My food does taste good, but none of it looks pretty.
I wanted to be a veternarian too. But I don't have the math skills.
I want to turn my parents' 100 acres into an all year long renaissance/colonial faire.
What happens, I've found, is that I lose the drive to do things I once loved. No more music or painting or writing or thinking or living or anything. I work, I sleep, I eat.
Because of scheduling, and the fact that the library is open on Sundays October through May, I lose Sundays. Oh sure, extra money, whatever. I won't get a weekend off again for a very long time.
Thing is, going back to PA won't necessarily make it better. I just . . . I miss my family and my home and the leaves and I always feel this way at this time of the year. In fact, you can look at my entries for the past several years and see that October is a bad month for me now.
I used to love Autumn . . . with the leaves and the cool weather . . .
Wait, there's no leaves here.
And the weather is 70.
Well, hell.
*sigh*
My coworker Sara says I need to be a school librarian so I could have summers off to and maybe I'd be able to cope with being fully employed.
I wish I had time to think. Time to enjoy the little time I have on this plane of existence. To live.
I want to go back to school, but not for librarianship. I want to . . .
Did I ever tell you I wanted to be a chef? I wanted to make beautiful food that tasted good. My food does taste good, but none of it looks pretty.
I wanted to be a veternarian too. But I don't have the math skills.
I want to turn my parents' 100 acres into an all year long renaissance/colonial faire.
What happens, I've found, is that I lose the drive to do things I once loved. No more music or painting or writing or thinking or living or anything. I work, I sleep, I eat.
Because of scheduling, and the fact that the library is open on Sundays October through May, I lose Sundays. Oh sure, extra money, whatever. I won't get a weekend off again for a very long time.
Thing is, going back to PA won't necessarily make it better. I just . . . I miss my family and my home and the leaves and I always feel this way at this time of the year. In fact, you can look at my entries for the past several years and see that October is a bad month for me now.
I used to love Autumn . . . with the leaves and the cool weather . . .
Wait, there's no leaves here.
And the weather is 70.
Well, hell.
*sigh*