Just something to be said . . .
How to start this?
How to not be depressing?
I have new pictures of my nieces! They're a pretty trio . . . and smart too! My Kate won the Language Arts Award, the Reading Award, the Mathematics Award, and Perfect Attendance! What an overachiever, huh? Megan . . . she told me she's in Kindergarten. (To her, that's her greatest achievement.) And that she missed me, but didn't really say anything about school. I held Emma. She smiled at me. She's a fussy little thing with barely any hair. But she smells so clean. Megan smells like strawberries. Kate smells sweet.
*sigh*
Maybe I should start at the beginning?
Work has been . . . stressful. Kit has been randomly springing things on us, not shelving at all, and randomly leaving the desk and not returning for hours.
I just . . . I can't handle dealing with her. We've had disaster after disaster with our programs that she does . . . I don't even want to talk about our latest one of Curious George . . .
This past weekend, I went to PA. There were many things that happened, but essentially, I went there to accompany my Gerry to a wedding of his cousin. Everyone knew me, but I didn't know them. The weekend . . . had it's ups and downs. We went into the weekend fighting and came out of it really disgruntled at one another.
Stressed about meeting people on Friday, angry because we were parting on Sunday.
I've been . . . feeling like I'm going 200 thousand miles an hour all the time. There's no time . . . but for what? I'm not sure. I feel rushed and pushed and pulled and . . . it's getting to me.
I'm not coping well with stress right now.
My nieces are growing up so fast and I'm not anywhere near them to really visit . . . and Gerry is forever away.
It's . . . mind boggling sometimes that I have grown so attached to him in such a short amount of time. December will mark, what? 6 months of him and I . . . meeting again, if you will.
January marks the time he'll move down here. February through April he'll be working at Grant Thorton with Cassie.
Why do I have this feeling we'll be moving? I just . . .
He'll get down here long enough for me to be like "No, I can't stand it here anymore!" and will want to hightail it back to PA.
If it weren't for my nieces . . .
Yes, I miss Jen . . . I miss her a lot . . . but unlike my nieces, at least Jen as the ability (technically) to at least meet me half way to see her.
*sigh*
Gerry met my father and my brother and his family. Father wasn't an ass and my brother actually smiled at Gerry. So, since that hurtle is done, we can do what we want, right? ;p
Okay, so I'm trying to sound funny and positive and I'm failing miserably.
I just . . .
I feel ugly. And it has nothing to do with my appearence . . . well, some, but . . . it's the inside I think is turning ugly.
I feel guilty.
Why?
Because I complained.
Because I want things done and done right. And done as soon as possible.
I want change and happiness.
I want my life how I want it, not doing what others want of me!
*sigh*
Why rant about that when . . . such things are out of my control?
You know what? Thanksgiving is coming up. Do I get to go home to see my family? No. Why? Because, well, if Sara goes to NY, then who covers the day before and after said day, plus the weekend? Not Kit because she has family she's going to be with. Or is that when she's going to the beach? And so I'm left. Being told "no, you can't go home because we need you" stinks.
Ask me . . . what about Xmas Anne?
Do you want me to get started on that heinous holiday?
Am I going home to celebrate with my family?
No.
Why?
Well, Kit and Sara get to go do that. See, Sara's family is 4 hours away and Kit's family is a whole hour and man . . . traffic is killer!
*rolls eyes*
I might be off the 28th through Jan 2. But guess what? I don't know if I am because schedules haven't been decided. See, it's not just the matter of our section, but of the whole library. Everyone else lives near by, with the exception of four of us! FOUR!
ARGH!
My father wants me to stay in Bolivar. I don't want to. But I can't stay at Gerry's parents because that will be seen as I don't want to stay at my parents (I.E. "Isn't this house good enough for you?!") and so . . . I'll end up wasting money at a hotel.
Money I need to save up if I want a car or out of here . . .
I hate Xmas. Why?
Because . . .
Because it's depressing and there's gifts and trying to get gifts for people and trying to find the right gift and the money . . . lack of money . . .
I hate Xmas. I don't like the fakeness of it all. Celebrate family? Feh, whatever! Sit around the dinner table at my parents and you'll want to take your butter knife and carve your own eyes out . . .
*sigh*
I'm complaining far too much anymore . . .
How to not be depressing?
I have new pictures of my nieces! They're a pretty trio . . . and smart too! My Kate won the Language Arts Award, the Reading Award, the Mathematics Award, and Perfect Attendance! What an overachiever, huh? Megan . . . she told me she's in Kindergarten. (To her, that's her greatest achievement.) And that she missed me, but didn't really say anything about school. I held Emma. She smiled at me. She's a fussy little thing with barely any hair. But she smells so clean. Megan smells like strawberries. Kate smells sweet.
*sigh*
Maybe I should start at the beginning?
Work has been . . . stressful. Kit has been randomly springing things on us, not shelving at all, and randomly leaving the desk and not returning for hours.
I just . . . I can't handle dealing with her. We've had disaster after disaster with our programs that she does . . . I don't even want to talk about our latest one of Curious George . . .
This past weekend, I went to PA. There were many things that happened, but essentially, I went there to accompany my Gerry to a wedding of his cousin. Everyone knew me, but I didn't know them. The weekend . . . had it's ups and downs. We went into the weekend fighting and came out of it really disgruntled at one another.
Stressed about meeting people on Friday, angry because we were parting on Sunday.
I've been . . . feeling like I'm going 200 thousand miles an hour all the time. There's no time . . . but for what? I'm not sure. I feel rushed and pushed and pulled and . . . it's getting to me.
I'm not coping well with stress right now.
My nieces are growing up so fast and I'm not anywhere near them to really visit . . . and Gerry is forever away.
It's . . . mind boggling sometimes that I have grown so attached to him in such a short amount of time. December will mark, what? 6 months of him and I . . . meeting again, if you will.
January marks the time he'll move down here. February through April he'll be working at Grant Thorton with Cassie.
Why do I have this feeling we'll be moving? I just . . .
He'll get down here long enough for me to be like "No, I can't stand it here anymore!" and will want to hightail it back to PA.
If it weren't for my nieces . . .
Yes, I miss Jen . . . I miss her a lot . . . but unlike my nieces, at least Jen as the ability (technically) to at least meet me half way to see her.
*sigh*
Gerry met my father and my brother and his family. Father wasn't an ass and my brother actually smiled at Gerry. So, since that hurtle is done, we can do what we want, right? ;p
Okay, so I'm trying to sound funny and positive and I'm failing miserably.
I just . . .
I feel ugly. And it has nothing to do with my appearence . . . well, some, but . . . it's the inside I think is turning ugly.
I feel guilty.
Why?
Because I complained.
Because I want things done and done right. And done as soon as possible.
I want change and happiness.
I want my life how I want it, not doing what others want of me!
*sigh*
Why rant about that when . . . such things are out of my control?
You know what? Thanksgiving is coming up. Do I get to go home to see my family? No. Why? Because, well, if Sara goes to NY, then who covers the day before and after said day, plus the weekend? Not Kit because she has family she's going to be with. Or is that when she's going to the beach? And so I'm left. Being told "no, you can't go home because we need you" stinks.
Ask me . . . what about Xmas Anne?
Do you want me to get started on that heinous holiday?
Am I going home to celebrate with my family?
No.
Why?
Well, Kit and Sara get to go do that. See, Sara's family is 4 hours away and Kit's family is a whole hour and man . . . traffic is killer!
*rolls eyes*
I might be off the 28th through Jan 2. But guess what? I don't know if I am because schedules haven't been decided. See, it's not just the matter of our section, but of the whole library. Everyone else lives near by, with the exception of four of us! FOUR!
ARGH!
My father wants me to stay in Bolivar. I don't want to. But I can't stay at Gerry's parents because that will be seen as I don't want to stay at my parents (I.E. "Isn't this house good enough for you?!") and so . . . I'll end up wasting money at a hotel.
Money I need to save up if I want a car or out of here . . .
I hate Xmas. Why?
Because . . .
Because it's depressing and there's gifts and trying to get gifts for people and trying to find the right gift and the money . . . lack of money . . .
I hate Xmas. I don't like the fakeness of it all. Celebrate family? Feh, whatever! Sit around the dinner table at my parents and you'll want to take your butter knife and carve your own eyes out . . .
*sigh*
I'm complaining far too much anymore . . .