(no subject)
hi, people. been too tired/busy/lazy to update, but yeah, i'm here, aren't i? anyway, i found these at my myspace account; this past year, i've basically used the blog to post freeverse pieces... i haven't been writing much this summer, and i need to get back into the swing of things. these pieces were almost always about my life at the time; each one i wrote as i went, and few (if any) revisions have been made to them. i'm uncharacteristically proud of them. feel free to offer some feedback; maybe it'll help motivate me to write more often again.
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burn and fade (3/11/05)
i look out the window as we drift through a valley of anorexic trees, the burning beams of eventide screaming in spite of their soft destruction. it's so strange... like a distorted image from a dusty projector. the world seems so alien and caked with fading hides of skin flakes and dry air that dance and flit in the desperate sunlight. i press my hand to the glass; i wish to reach out. the sun must be so lonely, being so distant. it reaches for us every day, only to never be touched the way it touches every sky, every tree, every living creature. ashes to ashes, dust to dust, says the faded air freshener fastened to the rear view mirror. but whatever. it's all lost to me in the end anyway, so it seems. i'll just burn and fade away in the bleaching sun.
***
fragments of reality (2/6/05)
i look through the window at the face within me; the eyes tweak their smile far beyond its usual bounds, opening warm lips to expose glistening, pearlesque fangs. the eyes consume me, i feel my core melt away to slap the floor in a steaming puddle of sanguine abyss. can one truly stare through their reflection? the wind seems to whistle through my eyes and bend with the howling glass encasing my bewildered mind. i can only stare harder.
a warping, then twisting, then finally a snap that wrenches its way down my spine as fragments of reality pierce my eyes and imbed themselves in my skull.
i wish i could pull the pieces out and unravel everything.
***
voices (1/11/05)
something dark ticks in my mind... i can feel its rhythm. my brain beats itself against the wall of my skull until my senses slowly dull on their edges. i search below for missing bone fragments; i find nothing. i search above for my discarded dreams; still nothing. i give up and close my eyes... and there it is. everything and nothing i ever have and will know... passing from my sight to go beyond the horizon.
i feel myself falling... i open my eyes and spread my wings. cool ivory stretches across a canvas of a crushed powder blue sky. with each beat of my wings, i hear and feel the echo of my mind, thrashing in its cage like a broken crow. a multitude of voices reverberate, reaching to me, calling my name. i wish to ignore them, but they scream louder... i am given no quarter, no silence.
shut the fuck up already.
***
eve (12/7/04)
i step outside, and watch as the eve descends. the embers of the sunset choke softly before giving up and slipping into endless western waters; i watch young plants as they writhe in wreathes of mist, coiled tightly around obelisks blinking upward. the glittering flashes spread farther up, spinning and colliding into stars, causing entire egos to come crashing down beside the worlds that revolve around them. the wind comes on strong, and i shrink into my coat; i watch as the surface of the earth does the same, and i share in its sigh.
i press on into the cold, whispering condensation into the wind; and i watch as my breath departs and splits apart to stretch across the sky.
***
guide (11/30/04)
Follow me into the burning lake of night; I will show you many things you have never seen before.
Do you really want to know?
Do you want to see what makes us tick?
I will show you frozen sunrises and burning tears.
I will show you the blood-swept faces that look up in admiration and confusion.
Your heart will retch and recoil like the barrel of a pistol pressed into a young child's temple.
On your right we have the boiling balm of greased lightning patted into the palms of aging abusive minimum-wage construction workers, eyes burning and corroding the tile floors painted with alcohol, blood, and vomit.
On your left we have crystallized blessings shattered by violence, breaking the icy sun into a million Technicolor fragments shining down on the faces of weeping, diamond-eyed children.
Behind us the moths frolic; they dance among the fires that douse tranquility. Follow the paper-thin wings as they pass through...
The fires fringe the brittle falling leaves of wings, consuming them from edge to core.
Do you hear that?
That is their passing sigh, imploding with a hiss before dropping into the ashen lake.
Before us, the flames rise higher, obscuring what little hope glimmers beyond; spiraling, contorting, flailing, falling.
And here we remain, grasping at sides that will never hold us.
And so here we descend
To reach an end
And flicker into nothing with the last of the ashes.
***
vein of nothing (11/22/04)
… to fade into nothing. to blend with the ultimate sense of being; to melt within the fabric of time and space itself... how nice. how beyond the simplistic stab of substance, and the mindless gnawing of institutionalized fear upon unsuspecting brains.
to be splattered across walls in a vivacious red fervor, burning into the sides like the sweet-tasting stain of acid that i am. the searing lines left behind can tell all the stories they fucking want to; ranting, raving, numbing the fingers and mind until a puddle of blood and puss remains under an exhausted pile of flesh.
i am the vein of nothing; watch me bleed.
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~~~~
~~~~~~~~
burn and fade (3/11/05)
i look out the window as we drift through a valley of anorexic trees, the burning beams of eventide screaming in spite of their soft destruction. it's so strange... like a distorted image from a dusty projector. the world seems so alien and caked with fading hides of skin flakes and dry air that dance and flit in the desperate sunlight. i press my hand to the glass; i wish to reach out. the sun must be so lonely, being so distant. it reaches for us every day, only to never be touched the way it touches every sky, every tree, every living creature. ashes to ashes, dust to dust, says the faded air freshener fastened to the rear view mirror. but whatever. it's all lost to me in the end anyway, so it seems. i'll just burn and fade away in the bleaching sun.
***
fragments of reality (2/6/05)
i look through the window at the face within me; the eyes tweak their smile far beyond its usual bounds, opening warm lips to expose glistening, pearlesque fangs. the eyes consume me, i feel my core melt away to slap the floor in a steaming puddle of sanguine abyss. can one truly stare through their reflection? the wind seems to whistle through my eyes and bend with the howling glass encasing my bewildered mind. i can only stare harder.
a warping, then twisting, then finally a snap that wrenches its way down my spine as fragments of reality pierce my eyes and imbed themselves in my skull.
i wish i could pull the pieces out and unravel everything.
***
voices (1/11/05)
something dark ticks in my mind... i can feel its rhythm. my brain beats itself against the wall of my skull until my senses slowly dull on their edges. i search below for missing bone fragments; i find nothing. i search above for my discarded dreams; still nothing. i give up and close my eyes... and there it is. everything and nothing i ever have and will know... passing from my sight to go beyond the horizon.
i feel myself falling... i open my eyes and spread my wings. cool ivory stretches across a canvas of a crushed powder blue sky. with each beat of my wings, i hear and feel the echo of my mind, thrashing in its cage like a broken crow. a multitude of voices reverberate, reaching to me, calling my name. i wish to ignore them, but they scream louder... i am given no quarter, no silence.
shut the fuck up already.
***
eve (12/7/04)
i step outside, and watch as the eve descends. the embers of the sunset choke softly before giving up and slipping into endless western waters; i watch young plants as they writhe in wreathes of mist, coiled tightly around obelisks blinking upward. the glittering flashes spread farther up, spinning and colliding into stars, causing entire egos to come crashing down beside the worlds that revolve around them. the wind comes on strong, and i shrink into my coat; i watch as the surface of the earth does the same, and i share in its sigh.
i press on into the cold, whispering condensation into the wind; and i watch as my breath departs and splits apart to stretch across the sky.
***
guide (11/30/04)
Follow me into the burning lake of night; I will show you many things you have never seen before.
Do you really want to know?
Do you want to see what makes us tick?
I will show you frozen sunrises and burning tears.
I will show you the blood-swept faces that look up in admiration and confusion.
Your heart will retch and recoil like the barrel of a pistol pressed into a young child's temple.
On your right we have the boiling balm of greased lightning patted into the palms of aging abusive minimum-wage construction workers, eyes burning and corroding the tile floors painted with alcohol, blood, and vomit.
On your left we have crystallized blessings shattered by violence, breaking the icy sun into a million Technicolor fragments shining down on the faces of weeping, diamond-eyed children.
Behind us the moths frolic; they dance among the fires that douse tranquility. Follow the paper-thin wings as they pass through...
The fires fringe the brittle falling leaves of wings, consuming them from edge to core.
Do you hear that?
That is their passing sigh, imploding with a hiss before dropping into the ashen lake.
Before us, the flames rise higher, obscuring what little hope glimmers beyond; spiraling, contorting, flailing, falling.
And here we remain, grasping at sides that will never hold us.
And so here we descend
To reach an end
And flicker into nothing with the last of the ashes.
***
vein of nothing (11/22/04)
… to fade into nothing. to blend with the ultimate sense of being; to melt within the fabric of time and space itself... how nice. how beyond the simplistic stab of substance, and the mindless gnawing of institutionalized fear upon unsuspecting brains.
to be splattered across walls in a vivacious red fervor, burning into the sides like the sweet-tasting stain of acid that i am. the searing lines left behind can tell all the stories they fucking want to; ranting, raving, numbing the fingers and mind until a puddle of blood and puss remains under an exhausted pile of flesh.
i am the vein of nothing; watch me bleed.