You put at the top of your first message: "so I would appreciate it if you read it and gave me feed back." I was just trying to give you some feedback so when you send this to the literary magazine, you won’t be embarrassed when they point out your “typos”. When you write a story for others to read and ask for feedback, you have to accept there will be feedback. You don’t have to accept the feedback. Here is more feedback.
If she was dressed up so that she felt good about herself, she choose an odd color scheme to suggest feeling good: ”black-satin gloved hand.” “ Her black leather pumps”, “the perfect curves shown off by her black dress”, “black leather clutch”, “black veiled hat”, Is she Goth-formal, or returning from a funeral? When did all-black become the feel good about yourself color? How good would she have felt if after all that preparation she was simply ignored?
If she really came just to enjoy the music, why can’t she take her turn and stand in line with all the others instead of after “One look and the bouncer let her jump the line without hesitation”? When this music lover enters the club, “Every male in the house was drawn from his date, conversations stopped mid sentence as all eyes followed the perfect curves shown off by her black dress, as she passed.” Why don’t we hear how the females there appreciate her feel-good looks also? Sounds like she is more into using her drop dead gorgeousness to get ahead and to draw a romantic reaction from the men instead of going just to hear the music, and that’s okay.
There is nothing wrong with her being a “tease”; clearly her actions show she is. And there is nothing wrong with her drawing all that attention. A lot of drop dead gorgeous people get more advantages than those who are appearance-challenged, maybe that is also the point of the story.
Hey, I like the story and hope it gets published. I hope you expand the story and there is more to her than just being drop dead gorgeous.
I didn't say they were exactly the same. I was merely saying that there is with both characters a feeling of, I guess sophistication really is the best word. That doesn't mean they act similarly, or that the plots resemble each other. It's merely a similar, intangible characteristic.
And just for future refernce: read what I actually wrote, not what you feel like seeing. Grazie.
maybe i'm interpreting this incorrectly, but it didn't seem like the previous comment from anonymous about James Bond was saying that you were saying they were exactly the same, it seemed more like a comment about James Bond movies in general than about Blair's story.
Thank you for the feed back. You're right, I did ask for feedback. And to prove once again that I can't spell, I mispelled over as ever. As for the black, personally, I think it't my best color.
I was just trying to give you some feedback so when you send this to the literary magazine, you won’t be embarrassed when they point out your “typos”. When you write a story for others to read and ask for feedback, you have to accept there will be feedback. You don’t have to accept the feedback. Here is more feedback.
If she was dressed up so that she felt good about herself, she choose an odd color scheme to suggest feeling good: ”black-satin gloved hand.” “ Her black leather pumps”, “the perfect curves shown off by her black dress”, “black leather clutch”, “black veiled hat”, Is she Goth-formal, or returning from a funeral? When did all-black become the feel good about yourself color? How good would she have felt if after all that preparation she was simply ignored?
If she really came just to enjoy the music, why can’t she take her turn and stand in line with all the others instead of after “One look and the bouncer let her jump the line without hesitation”? When this music lover enters the club, “Every male in the house was drawn from his date, conversations stopped mid sentence as all eyes followed the perfect curves shown off by her black dress, as she passed.” Why don’t we hear how the females there appreciate her feel-good looks also? Sounds like she is more into using her drop dead gorgeousness to get ahead and to draw a romantic reaction from the men instead of going just to hear the music, and that’s okay.
There is nothing wrong with her being a “tease”; clearly her actions show she is. And there is nothing wrong with her drawing all that attention. A lot of drop dead gorgeous people get more advantages than those who are appearance-challenged, maybe that is also the point of the story.
Hey, I like the story and hope it gets published. I hope you expand the story and there is more to her than just being drop dead gorgeous.
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Perhaps she's looking for a man who respects women enough to recognize that she could be more interested in jazz than in pick-up lines.
I like the story. It reminds me of a James Bond movie, just in the aura of sophistication the character exudes.
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Look for the non-stop cheap pick up lines!!!
And the woman's names???
And then they end up in bed with him.
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And just for future refernce: read what I actually wrote, not what you feel like seeing. Grazie.
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As for the black, personally, I think it't my best color.
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