FIC: OMGWTFMASTER
Name: OMGWTFMASTER
Rating: Erm, NC-17 for heavily implied teenage sexings?
Fandom: Sarah Jane Adventures / Doctor Who
Pairing/Characters: Clyde/Luke, the Master, Sarah Jane. (Also very, very brief Clyde/Master. All shall become apparent.)
Spoilers: Doctor Who: The End of Time (Part 1&2).
Summary: Several scenes from the life of an every-day, gay, alien-hunting teenage boy during the invasion of Earth.
Disclaimer: I don’t think I’d lay claim to this even if I had the ability to.
Author’s Note: It’s crack (you just have to look at the title to know that). ben_wilson_trs (who I may or may not have nicked a line or two off). That is all.
Beta: skullgirl013
One
Clyde looks up at Luke, above him, hands resting on Clyde’s shoulders, looking down at him, an intense look in his darkened eyes. Clyde slides a hand up to Luke’s shoulder, closes his eyes and tilts his head back as Luke bends down to kiss down his throat.
But then... Luke pauses. Clyde cracks open one eye, looks down at him and goes, “What did you stop fo-WHAT THE FUCK?!”
He yells, loudly, shoves Luke - no, not Luke - off him, rolls off the bed and slams into his bedroom floor with a thump of his arse against the carpet.
The man, who was previously Luke, looks at Clyde and laughs. On instinct alone, Clyde grabs a cushion from nearby and holds it in front of him before shouting, “Who the fuck are you?!” very slightly hysterically. His voice raises a few notches, going higher than it has done since before he hit puberty.
“I’m sleeping... with a child...” he says, blinking.
“Answer my question!” Clyde bellows, his voice rising yet another pitch. His trousers are on the other side of the bed. Brilliant.
The man on the bed bursts out laughing. “I am the Master!” he announces. He eyes Clyde. “Why didn’t you change?”
Clyde grabs his big tin off coloured pencils off the desk nearby and smacks it into the back of the Master’s head.
He blinks at the naked man slumped, unconscious, in his bed for a moment, a look of utter confusion on his face, then grabs his jeans and t-shirt, shimmying into both items of clothing as he runs from the room and down the stairs. “Mum!” he bellows. “Mum!”
He skids to a halt in the kitchen. Carla is not his mum. It’s the same man that was upstairs... but... in her dress. His eyes widen and he backs out of the kitchen, silently, before legging it out of the front door.
Two
Sarah Jane is a Master too.
As Clyde runs down the middle of the street, staring in windows and checking animals - just in case - he realises that it’s not just Luke, Sarah Jane and his mum. It’s everyone.
Every human.
He stops in the middle of the street. Right in the middle. Where he’d usually be run over by dozens of cars in ten seconds. He just stops.
“Why didn’t I change?” he asks the empty space around him.
When there’s no obvious reply, he takes off, goes into Sarah Jane’s home and locks himself in the attic with Mister Smith, K-9 and a nice big force field.
Three
Part way through the day, Mister Smith decides to turf Clyde out and lock down the attic on his own. K-9 protests but the larger computer snaps at the dog to stop being obnoxious and closes it all anyway.
Clyde goes home because the Sarah-Jane-Master is still stalking around downstairs and locks himself in his, now thankfully vacant, room.
It’s nine the next morning before he hears his mother shouting his name and goes running downstairs to hug her and make sure she’s okay. She’s been gone all night, the Master-Mum having walked her to goodness knows where... and left her.
Deciding the world is obviously righting itself, Clyde hits speed-dial number one, holds the phone to his ear and waits...
“Clyde?” Luke’s voice says.
Relief floods the boy and he drops down onto the sofa as his mother goes to get tea. “What the hell, Luke?” he demands. “Are you okay?”
“That was the maddest Christmas ever, Clyde,” Luke says, and Clyde just sinks a little further down in the sofa, trying to breathe evenly and not freak out about almost losing Luke. “Mum still doesn’t know what happened!” Clyde chuckles, about to say something, but Luke just carries on regardless with, “She got Mister Smith to put out this story saying that WiFi went mad all across the world giving everyone hallucinations. I mean, how else are you going to explain it? Everyone with a different face?”
Again, Clyde is about to say something when he’s interrupted. This time, however, it’s by a car horn parping. Loudly. Like someone just got...
“Luke!” Clyde bellows down the phone. “Luke! Talk to me! I swear to god, Luke! If you don’t talk to me, I’m withholding blowjobs for... for... for a week!”
He looks sideways at the doorway. “Hi, mum,” he says, awkwardly.
“It’s you!” he hears Luke shout, and he turns his attention straight back to the phone.
“Luke?”
“You’re...” Silence again and Clyde’s just getting angry now. He’s almost lost him twice in one day.
“Mum!” he hears Luke shouting. “Mum! It’s him! It’s the Doctor!”
Clyde stands up, runs out into the hall and grabs his coat, bellowing, “I’m going out!” before his mum can reply.
“Clyde?” Luke says as his boyfriend holds the phone to his ear once more.
“Yep?” Clyde says.
“You’re coming over?"
“Course.”
“Okay.” Luke’s smiling so Clyde just smiles too, hangs up and legs it.
Four
“I still don’t understand, though,” Clyde says, slowly. “Why didn’t I change too?”
He’s curled up on the sofa, as close to Luke as he can get without arousing suspicion - or other things - his feet tucked up under him, hands on his knees, watching Sarah Jane and Rani talking across the room.
“Always said your jokes weren’t human, Clyde,” Rani jokes.
Clyde doesn’t laugh. Not only is it not funny, but it isn’t the time, either.
“Rani,” Luke says, warningly.
Rani shrugs and sits down on the other end of the sofa, away from the boys.
“I think that’s a hang back to the last time the Doctor was around,” Sarah Jane says. She sits down on the chair opposite them, legs crossed, watching. Her eyes linger on Clyde and Luke a second too long and Clyde wiggles slightly further away from Luke.
Just in case.
“You mean when I got all that TARDIS energy inside me?” Clyde enquires.
Sarah Jane nods. “Yes, Clyde. I don’t think we really know all the effects that’ll have on you yet.”
“Stamina,” Luke says, under his breath.
Clyde chokes, doubles over and coughs for a few minutes, trying to hide his hysterical laughter. Rani eyes them both, suspiciously.
“So, is Clyde not human anymore?” Luke asks, once the other boy has stopped laughing.
“Hey!” he exclaims. “I am human!”
“Apparently not,” Sarah Jane says. “The transformation only affected the human population of Earth. All the animals, even the apes, remained the same.” She glances across at Mister Smith then back at Clyde.
She stands up and gestures at Rani. “Come on, Rani. Come and help me make a cup of tea.”
Rani gives her a confused look, obviously wondering why she needs help making tea, but leaves the room anyway.
“So.”
“So?"
“You had sex with the Master.”
“He was you!”
Luke glowers. “I don’t think that’s the point, really.”
“He was you and I didn’t get a choice. If you want to look at it properly; the Master raped me!” He nods at Luke, determinedly.
“He forced you into sex?” Luke says, with a raised eyebrow.
“He...he...he stole your body in the middle of sex.”
Luke blinks for a moment. “You still had sex with the Master.” He pauses. “You know, if you’d turned into the Master too, he would have been having sex with himself...”
Clyde snorts and covers his face with his hand. “Oh, god. I wonder how many of him did that!”
Five
That night, Sarah Jane lets Clyde stay with Luke.
Clyde doesn’t sleep.
He spends the whole night watching Luke and wondering what would have happened to him if he’d never gotten him back.
He doesn’t care so much about the idea of being alone in a world of Masters - although that is a scary thought if he spends too much time thinking about it, which he doesn’t - but the thought of losing everyone he holds dear? That’s terrifying
“Don't ever leave me again, okay?” he whispers at the sleeping boy besides him.
As if in reply, Luke rolls over, slings an arm over Clyde and pulls him flush against him, holding him tight.
Clyde just smiles, closes his eyes and tries to sleep.
Rating: Erm, NC-17 for heavily implied teenage sexings?
Fandom: Sarah Jane Adventures / Doctor Who
Pairing/Characters: Clyde/Luke, the Master, Sarah Jane. (Also very, very brief Clyde/Master. All shall become apparent.)
Spoilers: Doctor Who: The End of Time (Part 1&2).
Summary: Several scenes from the life of an every-day, gay, alien-hunting teenage boy during the invasion of Earth.
Disclaimer: I don’t think I’d lay claim to this even if I had the ability to.
Author’s Note: It’s crack (you just have to look at the title to know that). ben_wilson_trs (who I may or may not have nicked a line or two off). That is all.
Beta: skullgirl013
One
Clyde looks up at Luke, above him, hands resting on Clyde’s shoulders, looking down at him, an intense look in his darkened eyes. Clyde slides a hand up to Luke’s shoulder, closes his eyes and tilts his head back as Luke bends down to kiss down his throat.
But then... Luke pauses. Clyde cracks open one eye, looks down at him and goes, “What did you stop fo-WHAT THE FUCK?!”
He yells, loudly, shoves Luke - no, not Luke - off him, rolls off the bed and slams into his bedroom floor with a thump of his arse against the carpet.
The man, who was previously Luke, looks at Clyde and laughs. On instinct alone, Clyde grabs a cushion from nearby and holds it in front of him before shouting, “Who the fuck are you?!” very slightly hysterically. His voice raises a few notches, going higher than it has done since before he hit puberty.
“I’m sleeping... with a child...” he says, blinking.
“Answer my question!” Clyde bellows, his voice rising yet another pitch. His trousers are on the other side of the bed. Brilliant.
The man on the bed bursts out laughing. “I am the Master!” he announces. He eyes Clyde. “Why didn’t you change?”
Clyde grabs his big tin off coloured pencils off the desk nearby and smacks it into the back of the Master’s head.
He blinks at the naked man slumped, unconscious, in his bed for a moment, a look of utter confusion on his face, then grabs his jeans and t-shirt, shimmying into both items of clothing as he runs from the room and down the stairs. “Mum!” he bellows. “Mum!”
He skids to a halt in the kitchen. Carla is not his mum. It’s the same man that was upstairs... but... in her dress. His eyes widen and he backs out of the kitchen, silently, before legging it out of the front door.
Two
Sarah Jane is a Master too.
As Clyde runs down the middle of the street, staring in windows and checking animals - just in case - he realises that it’s not just Luke, Sarah Jane and his mum. It’s everyone.
Every human.
He stops in the middle of the street. Right in the middle. Where he’d usually be run over by dozens of cars in ten seconds. He just stops.
“Why didn’t I change?” he asks the empty space around him.
When there’s no obvious reply, he takes off, goes into Sarah Jane’s home and locks himself in the attic with Mister Smith, K-9 and a nice big force field.
Three
Part way through the day, Mister Smith decides to turf Clyde out and lock down the attic on his own. K-9 protests but the larger computer snaps at the dog to stop being obnoxious and closes it all anyway.
Clyde goes home because the Sarah-Jane-Master is still stalking around downstairs and locks himself in his, now thankfully vacant, room.
It’s nine the next morning before he hears his mother shouting his name and goes running downstairs to hug her and make sure she’s okay. She’s been gone all night, the Master-Mum having walked her to goodness knows where... and left her.
Deciding the world is obviously righting itself, Clyde hits speed-dial number one, holds the phone to his ear and waits...
“Clyde?” Luke’s voice says.
Relief floods the boy and he drops down onto the sofa as his mother goes to get tea. “What the hell, Luke?” he demands. “Are you okay?”
“That was the maddest Christmas ever, Clyde,” Luke says, and Clyde just sinks a little further down in the sofa, trying to breathe evenly and not freak out about almost losing Luke. “Mum still doesn’t know what happened!” Clyde chuckles, about to say something, but Luke just carries on regardless with, “She got Mister Smith to put out this story saying that WiFi went mad all across the world giving everyone hallucinations. I mean, how else are you going to explain it? Everyone with a different face?”
Again, Clyde is about to say something when he’s interrupted. This time, however, it’s by a car horn parping. Loudly. Like someone just got...
“Luke!” Clyde bellows down the phone. “Luke! Talk to me! I swear to god, Luke! If you don’t talk to me, I’m withholding blowjobs for... for... for a week!”
He looks sideways at the doorway. “Hi, mum,” he says, awkwardly.
“It’s you!” he hears Luke shout, and he turns his attention straight back to the phone.
“Luke?”
“You’re...” Silence again and Clyde’s just getting angry now. He’s almost lost him twice in one day.
“Mum!” he hears Luke shouting. “Mum! It’s him! It’s the Doctor!”
Clyde stands up, runs out into the hall and grabs his coat, bellowing, “I’m going out!” before his mum can reply.
“Clyde?” Luke says as his boyfriend holds the phone to his ear once more.
“Yep?” Clyde says.
“You’re coming over?"
“Course.”
“Okay.” Luke’s smiling so Clyde just smiles too, hangs up and legs it.
Four
“I still don’t understand, though,” Clyde says, slowly. “Why didn’t I change too?”
He’s curled up on the sofa, as close to Luke as he can get without arousing suspicion - or other things - his feet tucked up under him, hands on his knees, watching Sarah Jane and Rani talking across the room.
“Always said your jokes weren’t human, Clyde,” Rani jokes.
Clyde doesn’t laugh. Not only is it not funny, but it isn’t the time, either.
“Rani,” Luke says, warningly.
Rani shrugs and sits down on the other end of the sofa, away from the boys.
“I think that’s a hang back to the last time the Doctor was around,” Sarah Jane says. She sits down on the chair opposite them, legs crossed, watching. Her eyes linger on Clyde and Luke a second too long and Clyde wiggles slightly further away from Luke.
Just in case.
“You mean when I got all that TARDIS energy inside me?” Clyde enquires.
Sarah Jane nods. “Yes, Clyde. I don’t think we really know all the effects that’ll have on you yet.”
“Stamina,” Luke says, under his breath.
Clyde chokes, doubles over and coughs for a few minutes, trying to hide his hysterical laughter. Rani eyes them both, suspiciously.
“So, is Clyde not human anymore?” Luke asks, once the other boy has stopped laughing.
“Hey!” he exclaims. “I am human!”
“Apparently not,” Sarah Jane says. “The transformation only affected the human population of Earth. All the animals, even the apes, remained the same.” She glances across at Mister Smith then back at Clyde.
She stands up and gestures at Rani. “Come on, Rani. Come and help me make a cup of tea.”
Rani gives her a confused look, obviously wondering why she needs help making tea, but leaves the room anyway.
“So.”
“So?"
“You had sex with the Master.”
“He was you!”
Luke glowers. “I don’t think that’s the point, really.”
“He was you and I didn’t get a choice. If you want to look at it properly; the Master raped me!” He nods at Luke, determinedly.
“He forced you into sex?” Luke says, with a raised eyebrow.
“He...he...he stole your body in the middle of sex.”
Luke blinks for a moment. “You still had sex with the Master.” He pauses. “You know, if you’d turned into the Master too, he would have been having sex with himself...”
Clyde snorts and covers his face with his hand. “Oh, god. I wonder how many of him did that!”
Five
That night, Sarah Jane lets Clyde stay with Luke.
Clyde doesn’t sleep.
He spends the whole night watching Luke and wondering what would have happened to him if he’d never gotten him back.
He doesn’t care so much about the idea of being alone in a world of Masters - although that is a scary thought if he spends too much time thinking about it, which he doesn’t - but the thought of losing everyone he holds dear? That’s terrifying
“Don't ever leave me again, okay?” he whispers at the sleeping boy besides him.
As if in reply, Luke rolls over, slings an arm over Clyde and pulls him flush against him, holding him tight.
Clyde just smiles, closes his eyes and tries to sleep.