we need some positive vibes for these rainy days....
I think I'm growing up more because I'm not letting things get to me as easily as they usually would. Normally I would break down and never see the up side to things; but this time it's different. And I'm proud of myself for it. I kind of feel powerful, as childish as that may sound. For everyone who knows what goes on between me and Eddie, thank you for putting up through all of it. I know you all were right about what was going on, I'm was so selfish to realize it, even though I knew he was playing me. Tonight he admitted to doing so, and that he's found someone else. And anybody who knows me, knows I would be on the floor crying hysterically on the phone ready to die. But I didn't even shed a tear. I stood strong. I told him exactly how I felt about the situation and mentioned how I was pretty sure what he was doing was going on anyway. I think I may finally be realizing what's going on and I'm trying to stop myself from getting to hurt. Because everyone hates to hurt; and everyone knows I'm easy to hurt, even though I may seem strong sometimes.
Secondly, Ryan is moving so soon. I keep putting it in the back of my head and pretending it won't happen, but the reality of it is getting to me and the more I think of it, the more I just want to stay at his house until the day he moves. I don't ever wanna be away from him because I wanna be with him as much as possible. Call it selfish because it probably is. But my friends mean more than the world to me, and if I lose them, I lose life. I don't have many close ones I can really talk to and tell everything to. I highly doubt anyone is reading this, but if you are I really appreciate it. Most of you have seen me maturing over the years, or even over the year.. but I'm hoping this is finally my breaking point where I grow some balls (as I would put it) and suck up what life has to offer for me. I know what I need to do. I need to start doing better in school. As much as I hate to admit it, I'll probably need the crap sometime in life. I need to face my fears, because I am the type of person who says "You got one life to live, start livin' it up." So why not just take what comes to me, change, which is what I am scared of. I need to stop being such a damn whore; maybe I don't need to settle down with someone, but I at least need to stop doing everyone I meet. As much as I may like it all it does is get me into trouble. I need to stop lying to my parents about every single thing I do. And if I do, I at least need to feel bad about it. I need to get some goals. I need to improve. I need to quit doing stupid drugs, not including marijuana.
But with the way I talk, none of this will happen. I know the way I am.
I really like this quote if you think about it hard enough....( tangerine sky would be a sunset, retards =p )
Say goodbye to a tangerine sky,
Say hello say hello to tomorrow.
When you say goodbye to a tangerine sky,
you lose your pain, lose your fear, lose your sorrow.
oh and that old hippie quote "peace, love, and happiness" ?
i completely believe in that more than anything.<"lj-cut">
Secondly, Ryan is moving so soon. I keep putting it in the back of my head and pretending it won't happen, but the reality of it is getting to me and the more I think of it, the more I just want to stay at his house until the day he moves. I don't ever wanna be away from him because I wanna be with him as much as possible. Call it selfish because it probably is. But my friends mean more than the world to me, and if I lose them, I lose life. I don't have many close ones I can really talk to and tell everything to. I highly doubt anyone is reading this, but if you are I really appreciate it. Most of you have seen me maturing over the years, or even over the year.. but I'm hoping this is finally my breaking point where I grow some balls (as I would put it) and suck up what life has to offer for me. I know what I need to do. I need to start doing better in school. As much as I hate to admit it, I'll probably need the crap sometime in life. I need to face my fears, because I am the type of person who says "You got one life to live, start livin' it up." So why not just take what comes to me, change, which is what I am scared of. I need to stop being such a damn whore; maybe I don't need to settle down with someone, but I at least need to stop doing everyone I meet. As much as I may like it all it does is get me into trouble. I need to stop lying to my parents about every single thing I do. And if I do, I at least need to feel bad about it. I need to get some goals. I need to improve. I need to quit doing stupid drugs, not including marijuana.
But with the way I talk, none of this will happen. I know the way I am.
I really like this quote if you think about it hard enough....( tangerine sky would be a sunset, retards =p )
Say goodbye to a tangerine sky,
Say hello say hello to tomorrow.
When you say goodbye to a tangerine sky,
you lose your pain, lose your fear, lose your sorrow.
oh and that old hippie quote "peace, love, and happiness" ?
i completely believe in that more than anything.<"lj-cut">