requiem
Yet another friend of mine committed suicide two days ago. You know, I really hate it when I foresee a crash coming and yet I can’t do anything about it. Todd, my friend who killed himself, committed many of the same mistakes as Tracey, my other friend who killed himself. Both lived hedonistic lifestyles and both were losing their spouses because of it. Todd was an intelligent, charismatic, attractive man whose main faults were arrogance and infidelity. He had a way of drawing even the shyest pagan out into the group and not condescending to them if they were a beginner. Part of the reason I went to local pagan events was because I knew he would be there to match wits with. I knew the rumors of his sleeping with other women besides his wife; hell one of them told me he had fathered her child-this woman also tried to get me to sleep with her. Even though I knew what was going on, I said nothing because I wasn’t really a part of Todd’s life. I didn’t think he would listen. He was also cheating on his taxes so I get the feeling he was racking up bad karma. Despite the crap that he did to himself, in my memory he will always be the one who would welcome the new people into the circle, hand out the instruments and suffer through those of us with no rhythm attempting to drum. He was never anything but a friend to me and the gods know I’ll miss him.
Anyway, his memorial service is at 12:30 pm on Saturday March 13. I plan on being there to send him off. If you are thinking about killing yourself, remember that the one law in the Universe is change-meaning it will get better. Take care of yourselves,
Tim
Joining You by Alanis Morissette
dear dar(lin') your mom (my friend) left a message on my machine she was frantic
saying you were talking crazy that you wanted to do away with yourself
I guess she thought i'd be a perfect resort because we've had this inexplicable connection since our youth and
yes they're in shock they are panicked you and your chronic them and their drama
you this embarrassment us in the middle of this delusion
if we were our bodies
if we were our futures
if we were our defenses i'd be joining you
if we were our culture
if we were our leaders
if we were our denials i'd be joining you
I remember vividly a day years ago we were camping you knew more than you thought you should know
you said "I don't want ever to be brainwashed" and you were mindboggling you were intense
you were uncomfortable in your own skin you were thirsty but mostly you were beautiful
if we were our nametags
if we were our rejections
if we were our outcomes i'd be joining you
if we were our indignities
if we were our successes
if we were our emotions i'd be joining you
you and i we're like four year olds we want to know why and how come about everything
we want to reveal ourselves at will and speak out minds and never talk small and be intuitive
and question mightily and find god my tortured beacon
we need to find like-minded companions
if we were their condemnations
if we were their projections
if we were our paranoias i'd be joining you
if we were our incomes
if we were our obsessions
if we were our afflictions i'd be joining you
we need reflection we need a really good memory feel free to call me a little more often