mary mary sue, where are you? got some work to do now
thinking of writing a series of vignettes wherein a mary sue comes in and fixes everything that's wrong in my favorite fandoms by telling off the annoying/stupid/obnoxious people.
for instance, Glee:
rachel: grrr, i hate you, mary sue, cuz i'm afraid you're a better singer than me!
mary sue: yes, i am. a lot people are, you're not actually that good. plus, you reek of desperation and that is a turn off. not to mention the crazy eyes - dead give away.
rachel: oh no, what should i do?!
mary sue: have you tried cutting yourself?
[/scene]
Robin Hood:
robin: this is an ambush!
mary sue: not really, i saw you all crouching in the bushes. you're not very good at hiding, are you?
robin: give us ten percent of whatever you have and you can go free. lie and we take it all.
mary sue: ten percent of what? the number of items i have or their overall value?
robin: um, the overall value.
mary sue: how the fuck would you know the value of my jewelry? are you an appraiser? could you even tell if a gemstone is real or the difference between silver and tin? and even if u did know what it was all worth, how would you then divvy up ten percent? let's say i have three shillings, a ring and a necklace, all together worth 15 pounds, one crown and 6 farthings. what is 10% of that? and how are you going to take ten percent of that? do you have the coins on you to make change?
robin: um... we'll just take one of your coins.
mary sue: well, that's way more than 10%! you're full of shit. and why should i give you anything? you have said publicly that you don't kill innocent people, so i'm not afraid of you.
robin: it's for the poor people of nottinghamshire! surely, you don't want people to starve!
mary sue: i don't believe you, you're obviously untrustworthy and an idiot. if i see a begger, i'll give him a sandwich, but i'm not giving you shit. now get out of my way.
[/scene]
wow, i just spent wayyyy too long writing that. shit. well, now you get the gist. maybe i'll write more of those some time.
~~~~update~~~~
Glee #2:
Mr. Scheuster: Hey kids! blah blah blah, this week we're going to sing songs about eating disorders...
Mary Sue: excuse me, but why do we sing new songs to each other every week? maybe if we practiced a song for more than a week then we'd do better in competitions.
Mr. S: well, glee club isn't just about competing, it's about fun, too! and learning and growing and expanding our horizons...
Mary Sue: great, but how is that going to make us better singers? instead of just playing to everyone's strengths, you should be helping us work on our weaknesses. for instance, mercedes can belt out loud, and that's great, but most songs don't call for that. you should be teacher her how to control her voice and practice restraint. and you could help fin be less throaty and nasal and all around sucky.
Mr. S: um, i like to focus on the positive...
Mary Sue: could you at least show us some breathing exercises and warm up techniques? that would help everyone.
Mr. S: uh, i don't actually know any. i'm not a music instructor, i have no training in that area. i'm a spanish teacher who just loves glee club!
Mary Sue: Un maestro de Español? enséñenos algunos canciones latinos!
Mr. S: ....
Mary Sue: you don't actually know any spanish, either.
Mr. S: I know what's in the work book!
Mary Sue: eres un inútil.
[/scene]
for instance, Glee:
rachel: grrr, i hate you, mary sue, cuz i'm afraid you're a better singer than me!
mary sue: yes, i am. a lot people are, you're not actually that good. plus, you reek of desperation and that is a turn off. not to mention the crazy eyes - dead give away.
rachel: oh no, what should i do?!
mary sue: have you tried cutting yourself?
[/scene]
Robin Hood:
robin: this is an ambush!
mary sue: not really, i saw you all crouching in the bushes. you're not very good at hiding, are you?
robin: give us ten percent of whatever you have and you can go free. lie and we take it all.
mary sue: ten percent of what? the number of items i have or their overall value?
robin: um, the overall value.
mary sue: how the fuck would you know the value of my jewelry? are you an appraiser? could you even tell if a gemstone is real or the difference between silver and tin? and even if u did know what it was all worth, how would you then divvy up ten percent? let's say i have three shillings, a ring and a necklace, all together worth 15 pounds, one crown and 6 farthings. what is 10% of that? and how are you going to take ten percent of that? do you have the coins on you to make change?
robin: um... we'll just take one of your coins.
mary sue: well, that's way more than 10%! you're full of shit. and why should i give you anything? you have said publicly that you don't kill innocent people, so i'm not afraid of you.
robin: it's for the poor people of nottinghamshire! surely, you don't want people to starve!
mary sue: i don't believe you, you're obviously untrustworthy and an idiot. if i see a begger, i'll give him a sandwich, but i'm not giving you shit. now get out of my way.
[/scene]
wow, i just spent wayyyy too long writing that. shit. well, now you get the gist. maybe i'll write more of those some time.
~~~~update~~~~
Glee #2:
Mr. Scheuster: Hey kids! blah blah blah, this week we're going to sing songs about eating disorders...
Mary Sue: excuse me, but why do we sing new songs to each other every week? maybe if we practiced a song for more than a week then we'd do better in competitions.
Mr. S: well, glee club isn't just about competing, it's about fun, too! and learning and growing and expanding our horizons...
Mary Sue: great, but how is that going to make us better singers? instead of just playing to everyone's strengths, you should be helping us work on our weaknesses. for instance, mercedes can belt out loud, and that's great, but most songs don't call for that. you should be teacher her how to control her voice and practice restraint. and you could help fin be less throaty and nasal and all around sucky.
Mr. S: um, i like to focus on the positive...
Mary Sue: could you at least show us some breathing exercises and warm up techniques? that would help everyone.
Mr. S: uh, i don't actually know any. i'm not a music instructor, i have no training in that area. i'm a spanish teacher who just loves glee club!
Mary Sue: Un maestro de Español? enséñenos algunos canciones latinos!
Mr. S: ....
Mary Sue: you don't actually know any spanish, either.
Mr. S: I know what's in the work book!
Mary Sue: eres un inútil.
[/scene]