robin hood 3x2 recap, third and last installment
And we’re back! Things are moving quickly now, try to keep up!
So… Guy’s on his way to kill the shit outta Bobbin. But Bob and McMonkeyman have got the big stone loose and apparently there’s some sort of air vent shaft right on the other side. So they get down it using the long chain and jumping just as poor Gisborn opens the door. He just can’t catch a break. They crawl through the tunnel to a grate that leads outside. But, uh oh! It’s a hundred feet up in the air! Sadly, he doesn’t fall and go splat. He swings the chain up over a post on the tower and then climbs up it. WTF? This is just like last episode! The chain would just slide off when he put all his weight on it! Oh well, physics is for suckers! They get up there and fight some guards (he thinks nothing of pushing one off. What an asshole!) and climb up to a tower that has a canvas tent on top.
The outlaws are trying to be all stealth when Much sees Robin up there and cheers. Oh Much… so now they have to do some fighting, too. Bob and his primate friend do some quick MacGyvering and turn the tent into a paraglider thing. I’m not even gonna bother. The look on Allan’s face says more than I ever could.
So they land amid cheering and shit and the reunited gang + Kate + Finn all run off after the captured men. Robin tells Kate he’s glad she came back. He is the only one.
Ok, I’m looking at a map of England, and by my best estimation, the shortest way from Nottingham to the Irish sea is to go to that little dip right below Liverpool. But even that is about 60 or 70 miles away. There’s no way a company of malnourished peasants in chains could walk there in a day. So they are going to have to stop and sleep somewhere. The most logical plan to free them would be to follow them and then when the guards are sleeping, unlock the chains and slip away. Or if you’re feeling extra brutish, kill the guards while they’re sleeping, blah blah blah. But once again, why expect this show to be logical?
Guy and his henchmen race on horseback to inform Vasey of Robin and Finn’s escape. He says that they’re on their way, but he’s probably just guessing. Tiernan doesn’t take the news so well. He yells “YOULETMYBRUDDERGEDOUT?! He’ll not rest until he’s hunted me down!” and right on cue the arrows come whizzing out of the sky. T-bone and his own henchmen grab the big chest of money and make like a skeeter and skedaddle.
The outlaws continue their arrow attack and Robin tells Much and Allan to pin down the sheriff. Heh. Kate has the most useless job: she runs over to the captive men and ushers them into the forest. And when I say ‘ushers’, I mean she literally stands there and says “come on! Go!” and touches their arms as they run past her. Did they really need someone to tell them to escape? Really?
Tiernan and his men are intercepted by Little John, Tuck, Robin and Finn. It’s not very exciting. T gets tied up and draped over a horse. Sure, it’s humiliating for him, but now you have to walk, dumbass.
Finn O’Fugly tells Rob that when he’s king (of Ireland, in case you forgot! Cuz he’s Irish. For realz.) there will always be room for Robin Hood. Instead of saying what he’s no doubt thinking, ‘I’d rather choke on a dick than see your creepy ass again’, he opts for the more diplomatic “we’ve got our own fight here.”
“What about your brother?” asks Tuck.
“He’s no brother of mine, not anymore… he’ll get a fair trial.” The way he says “trial” all throaty you can tell that it’s code for made to dance on burning coal.
Then out of nowhere Robin says “Come on, John, give the man his money!” in this really accusatory tone like LJ was purposefully holding it back instead of carrying a huge fucking chest like he is. God, I hope he chokes on a dick! But Finn McLeprechaun says creepily “we don’t really need it all…” and to give some of it to the men and their families.
“Plenty left to raise an army” John offers.
“Small group of highly committed men? Worth more than an army of slaves.” Is that the moral of the story? Relevant. He and Bobbin hug it out and I’m really glad that’s over with.
Sheriff, Guy and their crew are heading down the road and who should they bump into but Prince John’s thugs, here to collect the money! Guy says “what do we do?” and Vasey basically says ‘blame you’ and grabs Guy’s sword. Then he hands him over to PJ’s dudes and says “you’re stuck with it!” and runs away laughing. But what’s this? Is that a flicker of some emotion on his face? Does he actually care about Gizzy? Or is he just worried that Guy might survive and come back for his blood? Or maybe he just farted. Hard to tell with this guy. But it’s probably the best part of the whole episode.
Spinny target time! The gang is doling out the loot. Allan says “whoa whoa! One at a time, gents, you’re all getting some!” I love when he says 'gents!' His voice is like a soothing tonic for the soul…. *sigh* I need a girlfriend.
Robin catches up with the Braided Wonder (or should I say Blunder? Hey-o!) and says thank you. For what? She didn’t do anything helpful! Kate tells him to go fuck himself. Tuck and Much come over to console poor Bobbin after she leaves.
“You can’t win over every mind, Robin. Their hearts are full of sorrow. Let her grieve. That grief will turn to anger and then she’ll be ready to fight.” Where did you go to school, Tuck? It goes denial, anger, bargaining, depression and finally acceptance. Everyone knows that.
Robin is inspired to make a stupid, self-promoting speech. In it he says that he will depend on their strength, courage, love… courage? heart? if only he had a brain! And weeeeeeeee’re off to see the wizard! The wonderful Wizard of Oz!
Next time! It’s Religulous! I predict it will end with Robin teaching everyone about acceptance and not judging people… meanwhile, Jews are banished and slaughtered at the request of the king he fights so hard for…
oh! i almost forgot! my rating! i give this one a big fat D-. it's not quite an F, but just barely. just barely. step it up, show! your average is hurting!