news
i hope everybody has been following the olympic games.
in one hour of television, one can discover facts of extreme fascination, as i did tonight.
at nine o'clock in the evening KCal 9, a channel affiliated with the Republicans, provides its American people with important political updates, news from overseas, hardcore entertainment, and dozens of car commercials. this is channel nine.
at 8:59 friendly reporters in formal wear introduce the show.
it is "kcal nine news at nine with your favourite hosts.." i smile. they try not to waste time and tell us about the top story- politics dominate tonight. apparently, kerry has been bashed by big bad bush, whom nobody likes anymore. however, this a-okay fellow countryman, the respectable commander-in-chief, has something else to say. "you ought- you ought to be proud of this record" he refers to his successful commercial, during which kerry's former vietnam mates speak out against this joker. he ain't good enough for my country. the campaign controversy does not stop. but not much seems to be said, not enough factual information. however, we do cross our fingers for the (democrats)(republ-I-can-s).
three minutes later, i witness the first of many reminders of the republican convention in New York. this should be a blast as a certain someone rallies for 4 MORE YEARS!
at 9:05, can you believe this? they still rant on about the prisoner abuse scandal. these 'suspects', who had taken pictures by a pile of horribly treated iraqis in the nude, might receive a max sentence of life in prison, but the trial has no ended YET.
there was a sequence about bob dole i havent quite caught.
but do go on.
commercials! yes... it is 9:08 and in anticipation i sit as a movie about cell phones is transmitted through the screen. it is called cellular. how clever. and suspenseful.
a commercial for subway, the republican convention, and the SAAB sports sedan. "don't miss out on THIS offer"
but this lasts a mere two minutes. more to come, though. at 9:10, the nice reporter warns us of the West Nile Virus, which has killed a whole THREE people in their 80's. their neighbors mourn the deaths of these priorly unhealthy indivicuals of san bernardino. but it is no joke. watch out for this horrible Virus by heeding to these symptoms:
fever, chills, dizziness followed by death!
there has been a deadly plane crash last night in malibu. this is weird, because my mom was in malibu yesterday. she called me on the telephone to point out the pretty colours in the sky.
at 9:14, grown up atheists stand up against unfair acts. they want to ban the pledge of allegiance in the schools of their 12 year old children. "under god", apparently, is an endorsment of christianity. this horrid injusticed must be stopped!
now that you've read the previous paragraph, review this. at 9:04 tonight, the reporters told us of hundreds of iraqis livinfg as refugees. but america's battle for iraq will improve conditions as more troops will be sent to the middle east.
dow jones dropped 37 points!!
9:15- opens up with a Buick Century car commercial. i rejoice- it has been 7 minutes since the last one. moreover, Verizon provides us with excellent dsl service, subway(you'll see a lot of this)informs us of healthy choice, and the AAA warns us of legal issues and cars.
It appears that last night, a bad bulletin mislead several civilians. a weather update had reported a giant tornado south of Glendale. it is rushing, they said, yes. disturbed callers were in remorse and surprise. fifteen minutes later, the report showed that no such tornado exists.
bogus!!
later on, we are informed of the weather and lottery numbers. this section has been light.
which means.....
commercial time!!
it is 9:21, and KIA is certainly the greatest vehicle in its class. a nice lady from mercury insurance gives further information on saving money. ralphs introduces us to working out every day and eating their turkey! Lexus is the runner up.
at 9:23, three minutes of fame for a local diner owner are up. it is tvdiner entertainment. we hear of a heroic man who had been offered a large sum of money to sell his restaurant by some wealthy canadians. these uncultured canadians wanted to break the place down, but he resisted and went on with his business. this man was a politician once. he feeds truck drivers now.
SMart and Final! it is commercial time again, Indeed!
9:26 and we are reminded of Dodge high quality cars, kcal's notorious tv shows, and fine dinin' at KFC. Infinity cars are ever so shiny and appealing too, no?
it is 9:29 and cooks, supervisors, and occupants of the same wage are afraid of losing the benefits of working overtime. these benefits are comprised of payment. but are they fools? these protestors, are they just scared, as a female analyst says her opinion. fuck her.
seniors protest high prices for medicine in usa by going to canada. finally, greyhound will find glory, and tourists will not keep all seats occupied. the government does expect a 10% increase in tourism, though. this is bad.
an arson attack destroyed a jewish community center. this is some sort of neo nazi group, they marked the walls with red swastikas. they fled. a good solution was provided though. tougher security and video cameras are a must for the fall season.
at 9:33 a political analyst discussed the commercials aimed at john kerry. and some other commercials in the 2004 election. he was a black man in respectable fashion gear. he told us why.
six minutes later, a new fat fighting microwave eliminates all fat from all foods! this WONDERFUL new techonology may be purchased for >$1000! but it's still kinda gettin' there, kinda still gettin developed and whatnot, but is is it is so important to us all.
9:39- range rover a car commercial. later, subway tells of its benefits, and the negatived of prop 68- teachers, policemen, AND firefighters oppose it, and so should you!!
Nissan Pathfounder rocks! don't it?
9:41, sports update yes.
9:46, el pollo loco has got a commercial, too. this means that we want to see it, we want to eat it, eat this chicken.
chevrolet and sitnsleep offer us good deals.
9:47- an amazing discovery has been made- a frozen war hero was found in the snow. his body was preserved. in excellent conditions. it will be given to scientists for an extensive study. booya!
a new fighter jet has been developed. mmm. yes. war.
at 9:49 the weather man comes right back to remind us about the weather he'd told us of previously.
9:51- another lotto commercial. yes, YOU can be rich too!
entertainment tonight, two car commercials, and another subway. yay.
9:53, oh my god, seven minutes and this agony will be over. i cannot wait. i am impatient, i think, i marvel, i type more. i waste time. i hate you.
two campers were murdered last weekend. they are about to get married, too. this is rather morbid. last year, a couple camping was killed also.
9:54- rudy is targeted, is he not? fuck him, and fuck the mafia.
9:55 commercial time. el pollo loco has got to remind us once again about the sexy chicken cooked by a macho sex machine. circuit city- because we are the 2000s.
chrystler and honda are the cars of this minute. mercury insurance is on once again as this aged blonde woman reads the deals from her mind. and circuit city reminds us once again that this commercial has been on two minutes ago.
9:57 now this is ridiculous. a new way to fight college student drug and alcohol abuse. it is a new type of college in the middle of nowhere. students barely have enough time to study as they are forced to do labour, such as farmwork, all day. there is no time for partying. this place is operated by the fat old hick of the desert. can your kids take it on?
9;58- thanks for choosing us! stay tuned for another hour of news. news. news.
in one hour of television, one can discover facts of extreme fascination, as i did tonight.
at nine o'clock in the evening KCal 9, a channel affiliated with the Republicans, provides its American people with important political updates, news from overseas, hardcore entertainment, and dozens of car commercials. this is channel nine.
at 8:59 friendly reporters in formal wear introduce the show.
it is "kcal nine news at nine with your favourite hosts.." i smile. they try not to waste time and tell us about the top story- politics dominate tonight. apparently, kerry has been bashed by big bad bush, whom nobody likes anymore. however, this a-okay fellow countryman, the respectable commander-in-chief, has something else to say. "you ought- you ought to be proud of this record" he refers to his successful commercial, during which kerry's former vietnam mates speak out against this joker. he ain't good enough for my country. the campaign controversy does not stop. but not much seems to be said, not enough factual information. however, we do cross our fingers for the (democrats)(republ-I-can-s).
three minutes later, i witness the first of many reminders of the republican convention in New York. this should be a blast as a certain someone rallies for 4 MORE YEARS!
at 9:05, can you believe this? they still rant on about the prisoner abuse scandal. these 'suspects', who had taken pictures by a pile of horribly treated iraqis in the nude, might receive a max sentence of life in prison, but the trial has no ended YET.
there was a sequence about bob dole i havent quite caught.
but do go on.
commercials! yes... it is 9:08 and in anticipation i sit as a movie about cell phones is transmitted through the screen. it is called cellular. how clever. and suspenseful.
a commercial for subway, the republican convention, and the SAAB sports sedan. "don't miss out on THIS offer"
but this lasts a mere two minutes. more to come, though. at 9:10, the nice reporter warns us of the West Nile Virus, which has killed a whole THREE people in their 80's. their neighbors mourn the deaths of these priorly unhealthy indivicuals of san bernardino. but it is no joke. watch out for this horrible Virus by heeding to these symptoms:
fever, chills, dizziness followed by death!
there has been a deadly plane crash last night in malibu. this is weird, because my mom was in malibu yesterday. she called me on the telephone to point out the pretty colours in the sky.
at 9:14, grown up atheists stand up against unfair acts. they want to ban the pledge of allegiance in the schools of their 12 year old children. "under god", apparently, is an endorsment of christianity. this horrid injusticed must be stopped!
now that you've read the previous paragraph, review this. at 9:04 tonight, the reporters told us of hundreds of iraqis livinfg as refugees. but america's battle for iraq will improve conditions as more troops will be sent to the middle east.
dow jones dropped 37 points!!
9:15- opens up with a Buick Century car commercial. i rejoice- it has been 7 minutes since the last one. moreover, Verizon provides us with excellent dsl service, subway(you'll see a lot of this)informs us of healthy choice, and the AAA warns us of legal issues and cars.
It appears that last night, a bad bulletin mislead several civilians. a weather update had reported a giant tornado south of Glendale. it is rushing, they said, yes. disturbed callers were in remorse and surprise. fifteen minutes later, the report showed that no such tornado exists.
bogus!!
later on, we are informed of the weather and lottery numbers. this section has been light.
which means.....
commercial time!!
it is 9:21, and KIA is certainly the greatest vehicle in its class. a nice lady from mercury insurance gives further information on saving money. ralphs introduces us to working out every day and eating their turkey! Lexus is the runner up.
at 9:23, three minutes of fame for a local diner owner are up. it is tvdiner entertainment. we hear of a heroic man who had been offered a large sum of money to sell his restaurant by some wealthy canadians. these uncultured canadians wanted to break the place down, but he resisted and went on with his business. this man was a politician once. he feeds truck drivers now.
SMart and Final! it is commercial time again, Indeed!
9:26 and we are reminded of Dodge high quality cars, kcal's notorious tv shows, and fine dinin' at KFC. Infinity cars are ever so shiny and appealing too, no?
it is 9:29 and cooks, supervisors, and occupants of the same wage are afraid of losing the benefits of working overtime. these benefits are comprised of payment. but are they fools? these protestors, are they just scared, as a female analyst says her opinion. fuck her.
seniors protest high prices for medicine in usa by going to canada. finally, greyhound will find glory, and tourists will not keep all seats occupied. the government does expect a 10% increase in tourism, though. this is bad.
an arson attack destroyed a jewish community center. this is some sort of neo nazi group, they marked the walls with red swastikas. they fled. a good solution was provided though. tougher security and video cameras are a must for the fall season.
at 9:33 a political analyst discussed the commercials aimed at john kerry. and some other commercials in the 2004 election. he was a black man in respectable fashion gear. he told us why.
six minutes later, a new fat fighting microwave eliminates all fat from all foods! this WONDERFUL new techonology may be purchased for >$1000! but it's still kinda gettin' there, kinda still gettin developed and whatnot, but is is it is so important to us all.
9:39- range rover a car commercial. later, subway tells of its benefits, and the negatived of prop 68- teachers, policemen, AND firefighters oppose it, and so should you!!
Nissan Pathfounder rocks! don't it?
9:41, sports update yes.
9:46, el pollo loco has got a commercial, too. this means that we want to see it, we want to eat it, eat this chicken.
chevrolet and sitnsleep offer us good deals.
9:47- an amazing discovery has been made- a frozen war hero was found in the snow. his body was preserved. in excellent conditions. it will be given to scientists for an extensive study. booya!
a new fighter jet has been developed. mmm. yes. war.
at 9:49 the weather man comes right back to remind us about the weather he'd told us of previously.
9:51- another lotto commercial. yes, YOU can be rich too!
entertainment tonight, two car commercials, and another subway. yay.
9:53, oh my god, seven minutes and this agony will be over. i cannot wait. i am impatient, i think, i marvel, i type more. i waste time. i hate you.
two campers were murdered last weekend. they are about to get married, too. this is rather morbid. last year, a couple camping was killed also.
9:54- rudy is targeted, is he not? fuck him, and fuck the mafia.
9:55 commercial time. el pollo loco has got to remind us once again about the sexy chicken cooked by a macho sex machine. circuit city- because we are the 2000s.
chrystler and honda are the cars of this minute. mercury insurance is on once again as this aged blonde woman reads the deals from her mind. and circuit city reminds us once again that this commercial has been on two minutes ago.
9:57 now this is ridiculous. a new way to fight college student drug and alcohol abuse. it is a new type of college in the middle of nowhere. students barely have enough time to study as they are forced to do labour, such as farmwork, all day. there is no time for partying. this place is operated by the fat old hick of the desert. can your kids take it on?
9;58- thanks for choosing us! stay tuned for another hour of news. news. news.