(no subject)
So Tim and I went to the movies last night to see Bewitched. :( Dont get me wrong, the movie was great but the thing was that we met up with two of his friends there. Okay first of all, he asked them if they wanted to go after I asked him to the movies and didnt tell me until he'd already asked them. What was I suposed to say??"No thanks Tim, Im not very interested in hanging out with other people tonight." That just makes me sound like a jack ass. So I did what any friend would do and I went with him. Second of all, these were two girls, a specie that i've grown to hate over the years unless they aren't girly girls. Not that im not. I just dont like going with people who are going to sit there and ignore me the entire time which is pretty much what happened. I actually tried to make an effort to get to know them but it didnt work out so well. I had a world of funny and witty things to say but I couldn't. The only reason I dont like going places with other people I dont really know isn't because im shy, im anything but. It's because I dont know whether I should be myself. Silly huh? I dont know if I should take charge and be the funny slightly strange girl that I am or if I should be the serious assertive girl that is not afraid to get what she wants. So in the end I choke and don't say anything. I wish I could but what if they dont like the funny side or serious side? This shouldn't even be an issue, I should just be myself which is what I want but what if they dont like that? I only come across a select group of people that like me or both sides or me. Tim for one and Simona, Mandi, all the people that I know AND love. I hope that they wouldn't have me any other way. But try to tell Tim that. Every time I try to explain why I dont know if I want to go somewhere with him and his friends all he here's coming out of my mouth is COWARD. I wish I could sit down and tell him why. If anything, I wish I could be more like him. Not the gay part..lol but the side of him that doesn't care what people think about him that allows him to just go out and meet people without a care in the world. I honestly try but I have trouble with it. Most people get turned off by my personality because it's may not be what they want. But I promise myself and my friends that starting today, this summer, next year and for the rest of my life, I will try to just be me and hope that people fall inlove with it. :)