a little piece of fiction
wrote this in honor of the snipit of the new jc/santana song that was released. forgive me if the lyrics are wrong, but i have an ear infection, so i'm half deaf. enjoy!
if i don't
basez
rated PG-13 (naughty words used)
x-posted like crazy 'cause i felt like it
“What?!” JC cringed. “What do you mean, ‘what’?” Lance grabbed his hair and let out a heave of frustration. “I mean ‘what’ as in ‘what the fuck do you mean telling me not to come out’?!” JC just sat there and looked defeated. “I don’t-” “Don’t you dare fucking tell me what to do! I am a grown-ass adult and I will make my own decisions, with or without you!” JC tried to grab his lovers hand. “C’mon babe, calm down, I just-” Lance yanked his hand away and looked JC in the face, pointing to him. “No, you shut up and listen.” JC gulped and nodded; he’d never seen Lance this furious with him, but he was thinking maybe he deserved it.
“I am almost thirty and I’m living a damned lie. I’m not going to be like you, Jace. I’m not going to change my image and act like something I’m not because I, I don’t know, want people to like me based pruely on my sexuality.” JC stood up angrilly. “Wait a minute, who changed their image?” Lance poked the older man in the chest. “You. What happened to the curls you loved so much? Where did all your pink shirts go? Jace, you don’t even wear jewelry or flip flops anymore! And you try to walk and talk and gesture differently! You’ve changed!” Lance sat down and put his head in his hands. “You’ve just...you changed.”
JC sat down next to him and ran a hand over the blond’s tense back. “I’m sorry, baby, I didn’t realize it.” Lance let out a chuckle and lifted up his head. “Don’t give me that shit; you did it on purpose to keep management happy.” JC stood up again, placing his hands on his hips. “Well, what do you want me to do? Release my next single as ‘Hi, I’m JC, the happy homosexual’?” Lance let out a hollow laugh and used a teasing tone. “Jace, your hands are on your hips. Better not do that in public or your fans will think you’re a fag.” JC moved his hands and pinched the bridge of his nose.
Lance came up to him and place a hand on the side of his face, forcing to old man to look up at him. “I never wanted you to come out; I just wanted you to be yourself. Is that too much to ask?” JC looked away. “That’s what I thought.” Lance walked into the bedroom and JC followed. Lance had a duffel bag and was stuffing clothes in it. “What are you doing?” Lance shook his head. “I need to get away for a while.” JC snorted. “Oh, just because I do something you don’t like, you’re gonna run away. Good solution.” Lance turned to him and JC’s heart sank when he saw tears trailing down the younger man’s cheeks and turning his beautiful eyes red. “I have to get away from you. I want to live my life.” JC went up to him. “Don’t go. Please?” Lance shook his head. “Until you can prove to me that you’re not afraid to love me, you’ll have to learn to live with the image you created.” JC just stood there while he let the best thing that ever happened to him walk out the door.
***
JC breathed out a sigh and looked towards the clock. It was still 1 a.m. and he still wasn’t getting to sleep. It had been close to a month since Lance left and he wasn’t used to not having a warm towhead to wrap himself around while he drifted off. He picked up his phone and wondered if it was too late to call him. He figured he was probably in L.A., so he dialed the number and listened to it ring. “Hello?” JC smiled. “Hi.” “Jace, hi. Can’t sleep?” JC smiled wider at the sound of a smile in his lover...former lover’s, voice. “Nuh uh. Did I interrupt anything?” Lance chuckled. “Nah, just working on some papers.” JC folded his arm behind him. “Little worker bee.”
The mood between the two became a bit strained until JC heard the younger man clear his throat. “I saw a picture of you the other day.” “Yeah?” Lance made a noise of affirmation. “You looked good.” JC felt confident. “Really?” “Of course. Any red blooded woman or gay man can see that.” JC chuckled. “I haven’t seen much of you around, though.” Lance made another noise of affirmation. “I haven’t felt much like going out.” JC smiled. “Maybe you could come back and we can talk about it.” Lance sighed. “Don’t.” “Don’t what?” There was silence. “Don’t try to talk me into being someone I’m not.”
JC sighed in frustration. “I’m not! I just,” he turned over in bed, stroking the side where his lover was supposed to be. “I miss you. I want to be with you. I want things to be back the way they were.” He heard a rustling and a sniffle. “You want to have it both ways.” JC felt a lump form in his throat. “I’m...I’m going to come out publicly later this year.” More silence. “And...I’ll be by to pick up my things by the end of this month.” JC’s voice was too strangled with tears to speak. “Bye, JC.” He dropped the phone back in the cradle and wiped away his tears. Enough was enough. Lance was so right. He was tired of not being who he was and keeping himself away from the one he loved just to sell more records. He decided it was time to make a change.
***
Lance opened up his laptop and began to work on his papers. No matter how much he tried, he couldn’t get into it. Business and the entertainment industry were his two greatest passions, but he felt like half the person he was. He didn’t mean to be so hard on JC, but he wanted to be who he was and be with someone who supported that. He wanted to walk down a red carpet holding his lover’s hand, not two steps behind. It hurt him, but he needed to do what was best for himself for once. He sighed and closed his documents. He opened his email account and lifted an eyebrow at one of the emails. He clicked on the title “New JC Chasez Song.”
A link opened up and he downloaded what appeared to be a clip of a song. He waited for it to load and couldn’t stop the tears from flowing once the sounds of music flowed through the laptop’s speakrers. The lyrics hit him so deeply. And the song didn’t contain the words “girl”or “baby.” The song was for Lance. It had to be. He grabbed a box of tissues as he pulled up a window for airline tickets.
***
JC walked to the door when the doorbell rang. “Yeah, yeah, hold you horses, I’m coming!” He opened the door and a smile widened over his face, crinkling his eyes. Lance looked at him with teary eyes and smiled. He looked over the man before him and felt like he was viewing an old photograph; JC wore a pink tank top, a pair of jeans, bracelets, and flip flops with his toe rings proudly displayed. “I know what you’re thinking. It will, uh, it will take me a while to grow the hair out.” Lance chuckled as a tear escaped and slid down his cheek. “Come here.”
JC moved forward and wrapped his arms around the man he loved. “I am so proud of you for wanting to be who you are. It will take me a while, but I’ll be ready soon as well.” Lance sniffled and moved his head to look into the endless blue eyes he admired. “I’m sorry I pressured into thinking you had to-” “No, Lance, don’t.” Lance looked at him confused. “Don’t what?” JC smiled. “Try and talk me into being someone I’m not.” Lance smiled wider and more tears surfaced when he realized what his lover meant. “I love you, Joshua Scott Chasez.” JC wiped away his lover’s tears. “I love you, too, James Lance Bass. And I’m not going to be afraid of what they think any more.” He cupped the blond’s cheek and they kissed, sealing a deal between the two lovers that nothing would stand between them anymore.
***
You know I’ve always kept my heart protected
Spending my life just building up this wall
How could I say no? You hit me so unexpectedly
Like you want to prove there’s nothing I can do
I think that maybe I might be in danger
Somehow you read my mind and found me out
I don’t know which emotion’s feeling stranger now
‘Cause I’m afraid, still I’m glad I stayed
I could try to fight it, just deny it, avoid the touch
and turn away from you and or maybe ride it out
But if I like it, it’s bad enough to call your bluff, to call it love
if i don't
basez
rated PG-13 (naughty words used)
x-posted like crazy 'cause i felt like it
“What?!” JC cringed. “What do you mean, ‘what’?” Lance grabbed his hair and let out a heave of frustration. “I mean ‘what’ as in ‘what the fuck do you mean telling me not to come out’?!” JC just sat there and looked defeated. “I don’t-” “Don’t you dare fucking tell me what to do! I am a grown-ass adult and I will make my own decisions, with or without you!” JC tried to grab his lovers hand. “C’mon babe, calm down, I just-” Lance yanked his hand away and looked JC in the face, pointing to him. “No, you shut up and listen.” JC gulped and nodded; he’d never seen Lance this furious with him, but he was thinking maybe he deserved it.
“I am almost thirty and I’m living a damned lie. I’m not going to be like you, Jace. I’m not going to change my image and act like something I’m not because I, I don’t know, want people to like me based pruely on my sexuality.” JC stood up angrilly. “Wait a minute, who changed their image?” Lance poked the older man in the chest. “You. What happened to the curls you loved so much? Where did all your pink shirts go? Jace, you don’t even wear jewelry or flip flops anymore! And you try to walk and talk and gesture differently! You’ve changed!” Lance sat down and put his head in his hands. “You’ve just...you changed.”
JC sat down next to him and ran a hand over the blond’s tense back. “I’m sorry, baby, I didn’t realize it.” Lance let out a chuckle and lifted up his head. “Don’t give me that shit; you did it on purpose to keep management happy.” JC stood up again, placing his hands on his hips. “Well, what do you want me to do? Release my next single as ‘Hi, I’m JC, the happy homosexual’?” Lance let out a hollow laugh and used a teasing tone. “Jace, your hands are on your hips. Better not do that in public or your fans will think you’re a fag.” JC moved his hands and pinched the bridge of his nose.
Lance came up to him and place a hand on the side of his face, forcing to old man to look up at him. “I never wanted you to come out; I just wanted you to be yourself. Is that too much to ask?” JC looked away. “That’s what I thought.” Lance walked into the bedroom and JC followed. Lance had a duffel bag and was stuffing clothes in it. “What are you doing?” Lance shook his head. “I need to get away for a while.” JC snorted. “Oh, just because I do something you don’t like, you’re gonna run away. Good solution.” Lance turned to him and JC’s heart sank when he saw tears trailing down the younger man’s cheeks and turning his beautiful eyes red. “I have to get away from you. I want to live my life.” JC went up to him. “Don’t go. Please?” Lance shook his head. “Until you can prove to me that you’re not afraid to love me, you’ll have to learn to live with the image you created.” JC just stood there while he let the best thing that ever happened to him walk out the door.
***
JC breathed out a sigh and looked towards the clock. It was still 1 a.m. and he still wasn’t getting to sleep. It had been close to a month since Lance left and he wasn’t used to not having a warm towhead to wrap himself around while he drifted off. He picked up his phone and wondered if it was too late to call him. He figured he was probably in L.A., so he dialed the number and listened to it ring. “Hello?” JC smiled. “Hi.” “Jace, hi. Can’t sleep?” JC smiled wider at the sound of a smile in his lover...former lover’s, voice. “Nuh uh. Did I interrupt anything?” Lance chuckled. “Nah, just working on some papers.” JC folded his arm behind him. “Little worker bee.”
The mood between the two became a bit strained until JC heard the younger man clear his throat. “I saw a picture of you the other day.” “Yeah?” Lance made a noise of affirmation. “You looked good.” JC felt confident. “Really?” “Of course. Any red blooded woman or gay man can see that.” JC chuckled. “I haven’t seen much of you around, though.” Lance made another noise of affirmation. “I haven’t felt much like going out.” JC smiled. “Maybe you could come back and we can talk about it.” Lance sighed. “Don’t.” “Don’t what?” There was silence. “Don’t try to talk me into being someone I’m not.”
JC sighed in frustration. “I’m not! I just,” he turned over in bed, stroking the side where his lover was supposed to be. “I miss you. I want to be with you. I want things to be back the way they were.” He heard a rustling and a sniffle. “You want to have it both ways.” JC felt a lump form in his throat. “I’m...I’m going to come out publicly later this year.” More silence. “And...I’ll be by to pick up my things by the end of this month.” JC’s voice was too strangled with tears to speak. “Bye, JC.” He dropped the phone back in the cradle and wiped away his tears. Enough was enough. Lance was so right. He was tired of not being who he was and keeping himself away from the one he loved just to sell more records. He decided it was time to make a change.
***
Lance opened up his laptop and began to work on his papers. No matter how much he tried, he couldn’t get into it. Business and the entertainment industry were his two greatest passions, but he felt like half the person he was. He didn’t mean to be so hard on JC, but he wanted to be who he was and be with someone who supported that. He wanted to walk down a red carpet holding his lover’s hand, not two steps behind. It hurt him, but he needed to do what was best for himself for once. He sighed and closed his documents. He opened his email account and lifted an eyebrow at one of the emails. He clicked on the title “New JC Chasez Song.”
A link opened up and he downloaded what appeared to be a clip of a song. He waited for it to load and couldn’t stop the tears from flowing once the sounds of music flowed through the laptop’s speakrers. The lyrics hit him so deeply. And the song didn’t contain the words “girl”or “baby.” The song was for Lance. It had to be. He grabbed a box of tissues as he pulled up a window for airline tickets.
***
JC walked to the door when the doorbell rang. “Yeah, yeah, hold you horses, I’m coming!” He opened the door and a smile widened over his face, crinkling his eyes. Lance looked at him with teary eyes and smiled. He looked over the man before him and felt like he was viewing an old photograph; JC wore a pink tank top, a pair of jeans, bracelets, and flip flops with his toe rings proudly displayed. “I know what you’re thinking. It will, uh, it will take me a while to grow the hair out.” Lance chuckled as a tear escaped and slid down his cheek. “Come here.”
JC moved forward and wrapped his arms around the man he loved. “I am so proud of you for wanting to be who you are. It will take me a while, but I’ll be ready soon as well.” Lance sniffled and moved his head to look into the endless blue eyes he admired. “I’m sorry I pressured into thinking you had to-” “No, Lance, don’t.” Lance looked at him confused. “Don’t what?” JC smiled. “Try and talk me into being someone I’m not.” Lance smiled wider and more tears surfaced when he realized what his lover meant. “I love you, Joshua Scott Chasez.” JC wiped away his lover’s tears. “I love you, too, James Lance Bass. And I’m not going to be afraid of what they think any more.” He cupped the blond’s cheek and they kissed, sealing a deal between the two lovers that nothing would stand between them anymore.
***
You know I’ve always kept my heart protected
Spending my life just building up this wall
How could I say no? You hit me so unexpectedly
Like you want to prove there’s nothing I can do
I think that maybe I might be in danger
Somehow you read my mind and found me out
I don’t know which emotion’s feeling stranger now
‘Cause I’m afraid, still I’m glad I stayed
I could try to fight it, just deny it, avoid the touch
and turn away from you and or maybe ride it out
But if I like it, it’s bad enough to call your bluff, to call it love