this is the end my friends
So the shit has hit the fan and I am ending my six month adventure into parts known/unknown.
FACT: we wrote these letters to our *futureselves* six months ago. I read mine and was emotionally frazzled afterwards. Like I was so inspired and touched by my writings i almost cried... then I washed the letter in my back pocket. Pretty funnyhuh?
I am an emotional wreck. Emphasis on the EMO. My circle of 19 people that I have lived with and depended on for the past six months is now contractually being ripped to shit. How can they do this. it is pretty fucking cruel. In like 8.5 hours we leave for edmonton and then in another like 16 or something all the Ukrainians are gone.. followed by us. Scattered across the globe.. into obscurity. as if it was a dream (quoth the Alyona)
Sandra is making photo albums for me and sasha. I can hear her cutting the edges of photos.. making the memories pretty. for the most part they already were and even if they hadn't been.. i would much rather have the whole story. Stop being so FUCKING CYNICAL, christopher.
I wrote this letter to the church I go to here. About God. About music and friendship and community. How I found some/all of these things and need to keep learning more about them. about tolerance, the state of sin, the state of man. In like 400 words I have reduced myself (at this moment) to tears. The lord does work in mysterious ways huh.. I don't necessarily think I'm a Christian yet/again/still?
I am strong now too. I can plan and execute anything. I can pick up the slack of like 19 people. I can please many and compromise the rest. I am a political/business machine. I am so proud of myself.
I can see all these people again if/when i want to. Ukrainians sometimes sound so sombre when talking about those times. those future, unproven times.. as if the fact that something hasn't happened YET precludes the possibility of it ever truly happening. Scary.
The last time ifinished a phase, i had lost like 40 pounds. now i gained some of it back.. not all.. but enough for me to feel insecure haha (faaaaaaaaaty fat fat fat)
I really wanted to see aurora borealis before i left. Ive seen bits and pieces but never a strong strong lighting. I hoped tonight would be some flukey amazing show.. but to no avail. luckily this is a rectifiable issue and essentially my only regret.
My new life begins now. I have to be ready for it and just as excited. here i go.
FACT: we wrote these letters to our *futureselves* six months ago. I read mine and was emotionally frazzled afterwards. Like I was so inspired and touched by my writings i almost cried... then I washed the letter in my back pocket. Pretty funnyhuh?
I am an emotional wreck. Emphasis on the EMO. My circle of 19 people that I have lived with and depended on for the past six months is now contractually being ripped to shit. How can they do this. it is pretty fucking cruel. In like 8.5 hours we leave for edmonton and then in another like 16 or something all the Ukrainians are gone.. followed by us. Scattered across the globe.. into obscurity. as if it was a dream (quoth the Alyona)
Sandra is making photo albums for me and sasha. I can hear her cutting the edges of photos.. making the memories pretty. for the most part they already were and even if they hadn't been.. i would much rather have the whole story. Stop being so FUCKING CYNICAL, christopher.
I wrote this letter to the church I go to here. About God. About music and friendship and community. How I found some/all of these things and need to keep learning more about them. about tolerance, the state of sin, the state of man. In like 400 words I have reduced myself (at this moment) to tears. The lord does work in mysterious ways huh.. I don't necessarily think I'm a Christian yet/again/still?
I am strong now too. I can plan and execute anything. I can pick up the slack of like 19 people. I can please many and compromise the rest. I am a political/business machine. I am so proud of myself.
I can see all these people again if/when i want to. Ukrainians sometimes sound so sombre when talking about those times. those future, unproven times.. as if the fact that something hasn't happened YET precludes the possibility of it ever truly happening. Scary.
The last time ifinished a phase, i had lost like 40 pounds. now i gained some of it back.. not all.. but enough for me to feel insecure haha (faaaaaaaaaty fat fat fat)
I really wanted to see aurora borealis before i left. Ive seen bits and pieces but never a strong strong lighting. I hoped tonight would be some flukey amazing show.. but to no avail. luckily this is a rectifiable issue and essentially my only regret.
My new life begins now. I have to be ready for it and just as excited. here i go.