(no subject)
Ok it's a bit more than a week but I'm writing again.
Today I ended up in my office for a few hours, and I'm reminded of why I detest going in. While my job is for the most part as good as I can expect being part of a corporate, the unfortunate part is being exposed to the thinking of some really very conservative colleagues. The office is by a large margin white, straight and male. And while I'm 2 out of those three it still leaves me very much on the outside.
Now it's nothing new, but it's really been reinforced after 2 years away from that environment how it just wears me down. I've been dealing with it my entire life, as has any queer person. It's the comments about people and how they asks their sons if they have girlfriends, or how everything is around sports, or how they will make fun of anyone who isn't just like them.
And to speak up is to be made a comment, when I just want to be able to survive the day. It's just a reminder that we're living in a world built for a certain part of society, and that everyone else has to deal with being various degrees on the outside. As I get older I'm just getting more and more tired of it, but the difficulty becomes how to avoid it as I need a job to survive.
This isn't a problem that pops up a lot, but it's one that happens with regularity. I'm just so very tired. But at the same time have to remember that what I get is nowhere near what other groups can experience.
I think the main issue is that it creates an emotion that can be very difficult to manage, since it's an anger that has and will happen again. But at the same time I'm sure I've said insentive things in the past without realising. I wish I'd said something, but at the same time doing so could potentially be harmful.
Argh.