For Matt Miller
My neighbor says we have a wild boar (read: feral pig) roaming around our properties. She told me that it came after her daughter's boyfriend and their puppy around 2 am, when he let the dog out to potty. He claimed it weighs about 300 pounds.
OK...
First off: I believe we have a feral pig foraging down from the 200 acres of woods above our properties. We've had some trash bags ripped apart on our deck in the last two weeks. Maybe this was the reason.
Secondly: Feral pigs are the result of European boars being introduced by hunting enthusiasts centuries ago. They then mated with pigs that got loose from their pens. They are not indigenous. They are a nuisance to native species, destructive to the environment, and aggressive towards humans and pets. For these reasons, the state of Alabama basically has an open season on them. You can hunt them pretty much anytime using any means.
Thirdly: I doubt the animal weighs 300 pounds. But it probably seems that big when it is charging at you at 2 am. Also, they do have thick hides but they are not impervious to close ranged, well placed shots at the neck and head.
Conclusion: I will kill this animal.
How will I do this? Well, first I went to www.ehow.com for instructions on how to hunt wild boars, of course! Next I've got to get the right ammunition, which Bubba in maintenance has further advised me on. After that, I'm going to put out some feed, find a reason to be out of the bed in the wee hours, go sit in the little building off of my deck, and wait. From there, I should be able to get a steady, clean shot.
The best part
Once I kill this animal, I'm going to have my picture taken next to it. I'm going to put my hair in a feaux-hawk, wear my Ray-Ban sunglasses, a track suit jacket and trendy jeans from Banana Republic, my blue Adidas and I'm going to put a "Sportsman for Obama" bumper sticker across the animal. Oh, yeah - I'm also going to be sipping a latte with whip cream!
That's for you, Matt Miller. Enjoy that mental image. Do you think I can become "Joe the Plumber" famous?
OK...
First off: I believe we have a feral pig foraging down from the 200 acres of woods above our properties. We've had some trash bags ripped apart on our deck in the last two weeks. Maybe this was the reason.
Secondly: Feral pigs are the result of European boars being introduced by hunting enthusiasts centuries ago. They then mated with pigs that got loose from their pens. They are not indigenous. They are a nuisance to native species, destructive to the environment, and aggressive towards humans and pets. For these reasons, the state of Alabama basically has an open season on them. You can hunt them pretty much anytime using any means.
Thirdly: I doubt the animal weighs 300 pounds. But it probably seems that big when it is charging at you at 2 am. Also, they do have thick hides but they are not impervious to close ranged, well placed shots at the neck and head.
Conclusion: I will kill this animal.
How will I do this? Well, first I went to www.ehow.com for instructions on how to hunt wild boars, of course! Next I've got to get the right ammunition, which Bubba in maintenance has further advised me on. After that, I'm going to put out some feed, find a reason to be out of the bed in the wee hours, go sit in the little building off of my deck, and wait. From there, I should be able to get a steady, clean shot.
The best part
Once I kill this animal, I'm going to have my picture taken next to it. I'm going to put my hair in a feaux-hawk, wear my Ray-Ban sunglasses, a track suit jacket and trendy jeans from Banana Republic, my blue Adidas and I'm going to put a "Sportsman for Obama" bumper sticker across the animal. Oh, yeah - I'm also going to be sipping a latte with whip cream!
That's for you, Matt Miller. Enjoy that mental image. Do you think I can become "Joe the Plumber" famous?