who says?
I am blessed. I performed today; I closed my eyes and let the music think for me. Not always a good idea, but sometimes, the feeling is enough. I was very nervous. I started out strong and confident, in full control. The piece moves in three and on the third beat I felt myself slipping away... I though about how this always happens, about how the music leads me, like I summoned it; how I should control it however it is a force beyond me, one I thoroughly enjoy succumbing to. When I thought about how open this presents me, knowing that I would move, and inflect through my breathing and facial expressions I became self-conscious. I took control of that for the first time ever. I concentrated on my heart beat, and attributed it to the lack of food that I had allowed myself earlier that morning. Funny how thoughts progress, all the while I am performing, playing beautiful music, and I, am thinking of what I had for lunch.... I thought one last thought, while I still kept my eyes closed as I had vowed not to open them, "grip the bow tighter..." So I did, and then I fell away... I open my eyes as I finished, almost so gracefully I felt guilty of melodramaticism (?), and my eyes watered at the presence of light. I'm sure everyone thought that was 'cute', or maybe it played along with the earlier comment of melodramaticism... I really felt like I was waking, or entering a new place, I could almost feel myself regaining senses... I was proud of me. I think I got my point across, I am weak to the my only present love, my music.