(no subject)
i know it's probably cheesy to post something about mj but i am truly shocked. i wish every fan would've been more supportive when he needed it the most, not after he died.
my time with mj was mainly when i was younger. these were the really poor days when we first moved to atlanta, with my mom as a single parent. we had literally run away from new york, secret, because my mom was so afraid of my dad. we had a vhs tape of an mj concert in bucharest from 1992. along with the sound of music, and lean on me, this was our regular rotation video. if my mom had to go somewhere without us, she would put this on cause my little brother loved him. he would dance holding onto the sides of his crib. when he could move around more he would tie a towel to his head to pretend to have long hair and dance with a power ranger toy as his mic. sometimes i would pretend to faint and cry like the fans at the show just for fun.
it's kind of ironic i guess, about a month ago my brother and i were at my mom's trying to find some show to watch, but nothing was on. so we looked at the on demand video list, but there was no good music. the only good video that we found was "beat it". and we were like woah he's so good and after all these years he's the only good thing on tv. somewhere in my life i had learned all of the dances for that video, and i jokingly threatened my brother to bust a move.
then we watched a few more videos online. my brother went to work and i did one of those wikipedia vortexes where you start searching really hardcore about somebody or something, and i did one of mj, watching a bunch of recent interviews with him, trying to figure out why he became this ridiculous caricature of well i don't even know. and after watching this long interview with some british journalist who lived with him in i think 2005, by the end i was crying, and i understood him and missed him, and declared to my mom he was truly all right. it's weird getting older, you meet more people, you just get things more, and these days everything is strange anyway.
i'm stunned he died and didn't believe it for hours. i was so sad about all the negative energy the world kept throwing at him these years, after we built him up and told him we loved him. i rushed home cause my mom was hysterically crying, something she has never done will probably never do again for someone she's never met. she grew up with the jackson 5 on, and that's the one and only "celebrity" she gave a shit about. he's much bigger than that, he's michael jackson. and like most black people that age group i think, mj can do no wrong.
i'm most upset he died so strangely, and i'm becoming increasingly heartbroken that his death could possibly have been from an overdose of opiates. i know it's really just life that killed him, cause stress creates disease. but i also know from experience that this stuff in particular will make it damn near impossible to fight the fight. you think it's helping, numbing you from life so you can live it better, but it really fucks with your brain, no matter what doctors say about it just being physical. the brain is physical and is affected by everything you do. i have a friend addicted to heroin now and it kills me to see how she's being destroyed, how she's a different person. i used to wonder why didn't anyone help kurt but now i know you can't make anyone stop. those stories are true, those before and after pictures are real.
and i'm so discouraged to think that mj, this larger than life person, could have been taken by something so stupid and small like opiates. i thought if anyone, the most famous person in the world, a person of few who still had a golden heart, could still win. i hope his heart isn't lonely anymore.
my time with mj was mainly when i was younger. these were the really poor days when we first moved to atlanta, with my mom as a single parent. we had literally run away from new york, secret, because my mom was so afraid of my dad. we had a vhs tape of an mj concert in bucharest from 1992. along with the sound of music, and lean on me, this was our regular rotation video. if my mom had to go somewhere without us, she would put this on cause my little brother loved him. he would dance holding onto the sides of his crib. when he could move around more he would tie a towel to his head to pretend to have long hair and dance with a power ranger toy as his mic. sometimes i would pretend to faint and cry like the fans at the show just for fun.
it's kind of ironic i guess, about a month ago my brother and i were at my mom's trying to find some show to watch, but nothing was on. so we looked at the on demand video list, but there was no good music. the only good video that we found was "beat it". and we were like woah he's so good and after all these years he's the only good thing on tv. somewhere in my life i had learned all of the dances for that video, and i jokingly threatened my brother to bust a move.
then we watched a few more videos online. my brother went to work and i did one of those wikipedia vortexes where you start searching really hardcore about somebody or something, and i did one of mj, watching a bunch of recent interviews with him, trying to figure out why he became this ridiculous caricature of well i don't even know. and after watching this long interview with some british journalist who lived with him in i think 2005, by the end i was crying, and i understood him and missed him, and declared to my mom he was truly all right. it's weird getting older, you meet more people, you just get things more, and these days everything is strange anyway.
i'm stunned he died and didn't believe it for hours. i was so sad about all the negative energy the world kept throwing at him these years, after we built him up and told him we loved him. i rushed home cause my mom was hysterically crying, something she has never done will probably never do again for someone she's never met. she grew up with the jackson 5 on, and that's the one and only "celebrity" she gave a shit about. he's much bigger than that, he's michael jackson. and like most black people that age group i think, mj can do no wrong.
i'm most upset he died so strangely, and i'm becoming increasingly heartbroken that his death could possibly have been from an overdose of opiates. i know it's really just life that killed him, cause stress creates disease. but i also know from experience that this stuff in particular will make it damn near impossible to fight the fight. you think it's helping, numbing you from life so you can live it better, but it really fucks with your brain, no matter what doctors say about it just being physical. the brain is physical and is affected by everything you do. i have a friend addicted to heroin now and it kills me to see how she's being destroyed, how she's a different person. i used to wonder why didn't anyone help kurt but now i know you can't make anyone stop. those stories are true, those before and after pictures are real.
and i'm so discouraged to think that mj, this larger than life person, could have been taken by something so stupid and small like opiates. i thought if anyone, the most famous person in the world, a person of few who still had a golden heart, could still win. i hope his heart isn't lonely anymore.