(no subject)
leigh allen white, you did yourself a great disservice by reading that.
what the hell is my problem? i can't live for the present moment. only in the past, dammit. it is really pissing me off. it's seriously stressing me out right now, the fact that i can't let these things go. perphaps a little Chopin + some reflection will help me out.
what is done, is done.
what mistakes have been made, they've been made.
what pain has been caused, it's been caused.
what's honestly in someone's past, it's in their past.
what decisions that have been made should be stood by.
what you have, you should be grateful for.
what you don't have, you probably don't need.
..you probably have something so much better.
what needs to be let go of, should.
what unjustified guilt is felt should be let go of.
what rifts have been created should be closed.
what separation that's felt should end in reuniting.
what you promise you have inside yourself for someone should be there.
what trust you promise, should also be fulfilled.
what you are given at the moment is what you should live for.
what lasts forever is what should be counted on.
what doesn't, shouldn't be attached to.
what family you have should be appreciated.
..as well as so many other things that aren't.
what is told to you in complete confidence should be trusted.
what faults others have are equal to the ones of yourself.
what you say means nothing unless backed up by what you do.
and what i write here, i should believe as well as do.
needless to say, i'm not going into details. extrapolate for yourself.
and in light of the matter, here is my list of just a few things i'm thankful for.
-my amazing parents, and how they brought me up. they don't get enough gratitude.
-my brothers
-my awesome boyfriend, who also happens to be an awesome friend
-my best friend
-all of my other good friends. and even the not-so-good ones.
-God, His love, His sacrifice
-my ability to make music
-my mind
-my dogs
-the area i live in
-the education i get
-sunny days
-piano concertos
-being young
yet with all of this, shouldn't i be exuberant? overflowing with happiness? yeah, i think so. but am i?
not quite. do you want to know why i think that is? (of course not, but you can stop reading any time)
A: i take lots of things too seriously. i'm a junior in freaking high school. i'm not even close to being done.
B: i don't give enough glory to God (if any at all).that needs to be changed. everything i have i owe to Him.
C: a double-hitter: i look too much at externals, caring what everyone else thinks, and i don't really know myself.
i kid you not when i say i don't know myself. everyone changes in life, right? they have to, it's just part of it. but why do i feel like i'm not the same person i was even a year ago? i don't feel fun(ny). i don't feel like people should want to be around me, and i don't feel like the nice person anymore. i feel vain, petty, full of hypocrisy. take your pick. but any way you look at it, i'm messed up. and i don't know how to deal with it.
maybe i should leave for a while. go off and live in the mountains by myself, with only weezer to protect me :)
what the hell is my problem? i can't live for the present moment. only in the past, dammit. it is really pissing me off. it's seriously stressing me out right now, the fact that i can't let these things go. perphaps a little Chopin + some reflection will help me out.
what is done, is done.
what mistakes have been made, they've been made.
what pain has been caused, it's been caused.
what's honestly in someone's past, it's in their past.
what decisions that have been made should be stood by.
what you have, you should be grateful for.
what you don't have, you probably don't need.
..you probably have something so much better.
what needs to be let go of, should.
what unjustified guilt is felt should be let go of.
what rifts have been created should be closed.
what separation that's felt should end in reuniting.
what you promise you have inside yourself for someone should be there.
what trust you promise, should also be fulfilled.
what you are given at the moment is what you should live for.
what lasts forever is what should be counted on.
what doesn't, shouldn't be attached to.
what family you have should be appreciated.
..as well as so many other things that aren't.
what is told to you in complete confidence should be trusted.
what faults others have are equal to the ones of yourself.
what you say means nothing unless backed up by what you do.
and what i write here, i should believe as well as do.
needless to say, i'm not going into details. extrapolate for yourself.
and in light of the matter, here is my list of just a few things i'm thankful for.
-my amazing parents, and how they brought me up. they don't get enough gratitude.
-my brothers
-my awesome boyfriend, who also happens to be an awesome friend
-my best friend
-all of my other good friends. and even the not-so-good ones.
-God, His love, His sacrifice
-my ability to make music
-my mind
-my dogs
-the area i live in
-the education i get
-sunny days
-piano concertos
-being young
yet with all of this, shouldn't i be exuberant? overflowing with happiness? yeah, i think so. but am i?
not quite. do you want to know why i think that is? (of course not, but you can stop reading any time)
A: i take lots of things too seriously. i'm a junior in freaking high school. i'm not even close to being done.
B: i don't give enough glory to God (if any at all).that needs to be changed. everything i have i owe to Him.
C: a double-hitter: i look too much at externals, caring what everyone else thinks, and i don't really know myself.
i kid you not when i say i don't know myself. everyone changes in life, right? they have to, it's just part of it. but why do i feel like i'm not the same person i was even a year ago? i don't feel fun(ny). i don't feel like people should want to be around me, and i don't feel like the nice person anymore. i feel vain, petty, full of hypocrisy. take your pick. but any way you look at it, i'm messed up. and i don't know how to deal with it.
maybe i should leave for a while. go off and live in the mountains by myself, with only weezer to protect me :)