Cry Havoc!
And lo! Spring lay upon the land, and the order did go forth from the Dark Throne, and then issued forth the armies from the Dark Fortress of Ultimate Darkness and Doom and… More Doom and … Stuff. And like unto a mighty wind were the forces of Chaos and Un-Cleanness driven away, and destroyed, and laid waste utterly, and…
A small voice interrupts. “Um. Hang on. I thought we WERE the forces of Chaos and all that…”
“Piss off. I’m fulminating. I’ve told you NOT to interrupt me when I’m fulminating.”
“Right then. Carry on.”
Where were we… Ah, yes.
…Laid waste utterly, and driven like chaff before the breath of God. The many rebels of the army of That Damn Window That Blew Out And Shattered During The Monsoon were defeated, and placed in the prison of Box of Damn That’s A Lot Of Bloody Glass, under the fortress of Chair On The Porch, awaiting transportation. The Duchy of Mail Need To Read has been reduced to nothingness, and the town of Pay This Bill Or We’ll Shut You Off and Throw This Out Its Junk Mail reduced again to obedience. Indeed the entire province of Dining Room has been cleansed; the fanatic bands of Bits Of Fabric From The Wedding Dress And Waistcoats swept up and away by the cunning pincer movements of Major-General de Dustpan and Colonel de Broom, and their equally fanatic co-religionists of God These Damn White Threads Get Everywhere surrounded and utterly destroyed by Captain LittleVacuum, who was given charge of the cleansing of the Town of Sofa. Yea! Even unto the furthest province of Back Hall peace reigns secure and safe, the sad remnants of the Pile Of Empty Boxes Brotherhood having been transported to the prison colony Trashpails-Outside, and the recidivist members of the Clan Kitchen Towels That Need Washing rounded up and driven into the Laundry Room re-education camps, and now only the province of Workroom remains obdurate in its stubborn refusal to obey the dictates of the Dark Throne of the Adhemaric Empire.
Woe shall come to them, in its due season. Woe I tell you. WOE.
In other news, the Black Sock Army has not been seen nor heard from in some time, and that is worrying the commanders in the Ministry of Doom, especially General Field Marshall von WhereTheHellHaveAllMyBlastedSocksGone…
Further Bulletins as Events Warrant.
I mean it about the woe… really I do.
A small voice interrupts. “Um. Hang on. I thought we WERE the forces of Chaos and all that…”
“Piss off. I’m fulminating. I’ve told you NOT to interrupt me when I’m fulminating.”
“Right then. Carry on.”
Where were we… Ah, yes.
…Laid waste utterly, and driven like chaff before the breath of God. The many rebels of the army of That Damn Window That Blew Out And Shattered During The Monsoon were defeated, and placed in the prison of Box of Damn That’s A Lot Of Bloody Glass, under the fortress of Chair On The Porch, awaiting transportation. The Duchy of Mail Need To Read has been reduced to nothingness, and the town of Pay This Bill Or We’ll Shut You Off and Throw This Out Its Junk Mail reduced again to obedience. Indeed the entire province of Dining Room has been cleansed; the fanatic bands of Bits Of Fabric From The Wedding Dress And Waistcoats swept up and away by the cunning pincer movements of Major-General de Dustpan and Colonel de Broom, and their equally fanatic co-religionists of God These Damn White Threads Get Everywhere surrounded and utterly destroyed by Captain LittleVacuum, who was given charge of the cleansing of the Town of Sofa. Yea! Even unto the furthest province of Back Hall peace reigns secure and safe, the sad remnants of the Pile Of Empty Boxes Brotherhood having been transported to the prison colony Trashpails-Outside, and the recidivist members of the Clan Kitchen Towels That Need Washing rounded up and driven into the Laundry Room re-education camps, and now only the province of Workroom remains obdurate in its stubborn refusal to obey the dictates of the Dark Throne of the Adhemaric Empire.
Woe shall come to them, in its due season. Woe I tell you. WOE.
In other news, the Black Sock Army has not been seen nor heard from in some time, and that is worrying the commanders in the Ministry of Doom, especially General Field Marshall von WhereTheHellHaveAllMyBlastedSocksGone…
Further Bulletins as Events Warrant.
I mean it about the woe… really I do.