BARNEY AND ROBIN DRABBLE-A-THON pt. II
Well, once again we are left to fend without a new episode of How I Met Your Mother. This, mes amies, means that we shall fend for ourselves.
WITH A BARNEY/ROBIN DRABBLE-A-THON!
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WITH A BARNEY/ROBIN DRABBLE-A-THON!
( cut, )
A small crowd of people had come from McLaren's to huddle around the grave. Some had brought flowers, others had stuffed animals. Barney had brought a bottle of scotch.
"It's not for me!" he protested, seeing Wendy's and Carl's dirty looks. "It's for Mark!"
"You mean Mike?" Ted corrected, smoothing the wrinkles out of his only suit.
"No," Barney said condescendingly, "his name's Mark. God,/em> Ted." Without further ado, he uncapped the bottle of scotch and solemnly poured a good amount of it out over the grave, in memory of Mark. "The man's dead, and you can't do him the common courtesy of remembering his name."
"Well, you won't even suit up for him!" Ted protested.
"That's because I don't suit up for funerals!" Barney retorted, ready to launch once more into his "sartorial equivalent of a baby's smile" speech. The two of them were so busy bickering that they didn't notice a rotting hand reaching through the surface of Mark's grave.
"Guys?" said Robin nervously, having seen the hand, but both men ignored her (for once, cough cough).
"--suits are supposed to be worn on happy occasions, Theodore--"
"--you in that hooded sweatshirt, it's disgusting--"
"BRRRRRRAINS!!!!!!!!"
The men broke off their conversation and looked up in horror. Mark had risen from the dead, and was looking hungrily at the Gang of Five.
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Without pausing for a second to wonder how or why this was happening, the five friends split, running for their lives.
"Oh my God!" Ted shrieked, sprinting ahead of all of them and ducking into a mausoleum.
"I knew it. I KNEW zombies were real!" Marshall couldn't help but gloat, even as he ran as fast as his long legs would carry him.
"Where's my stake? WHERE'S MY STAKE?!?!?" Lily cried, fishing desperately in her purse.
As soon as he had noticed Mark's presence, Barney had grabbed Robin's hand (without even thinking about it, it had seemed the natural thing to do) and they ran together over the grassy knoll of the graveyard. The two of them crouched and hid behind a large marble headstone.
"I think we lost him," Barney wheezed as he leaned his head against the name "Charles Charles" that was engraved in the headstone.
"We're going to die, aren't we?" Robin panted, looking over at him.
Barney honestly didn't think so. He hadn't known Mark much back when he was alive, but he didn't think that, even as an apparent zombie, he'd be much for mass murder. But Barney was never one to pass up "we're-going-to-die" sex.
"Yes," he said dramatically. "Yes, we are."
"Crap," came Robin's reply. "That means I'll never get to see the Half-Blood Prince movie!"
"Right," Barney replied, acting like he hadn't just been cockblocked by a boy wizard. "Because that's what's most important when you're about to die."
"Exactly!" They were both silent for a while, listening for the sounds of screams, or perhaps more moans of "Brains!" "I don't hear anything, do you?" Robin asked him.
Barney listened closely. "No," he said. "Wonder where Mark is now." He hoped Lily, Ted, and Marshall were all right.
"Maybe he went back to being dead?" Robin asked hopefully as she peered anxiously over the headstone.
"Well, if this were a horribly cliched horror movie," Barney said as he looked where she was looking, "he'd probably be right behind us, but as it is--"
"BRAINS!" came a voice from right behind them.
"Of course," Barney sighed as he and Robin turned around to come face to face with Dead!Mark.
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Love it, but you have to see Shaun of the Dead. Best movie.
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One question, though: why were they holding a funeral after the man had been buried for two years?
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"We get it, already!" Robin said, exasperated.
Mark's rotting face was contorted in a menacing snarl, his scabbed hands were reaching right for them...
Barney could see his awesome, awesome life flashing before his eyes, and he finally realized... the only thing that made his life truly awesome was Robin. And they were both about to die, and she might never know the truth...
"Robin," he said, his voice cracking with terror and anxiety, "I've got to tell you something: I love--"
But he never got to finish his sentence, because at that very moment something collided with the side of Mark's head. Barney and Robin gaped at Ted, who had somehow found some kind of silver, bejeweled shield and had bludgeoned the menacing zombie with it. Howling in pain, Mark staggered backwards, colliding with a young beanpole of a man who was carrying flowers, apparently on his way to visit the grave Robin and Barney had hidden behind. As soon as Mark made contact with the man, his skin sparked blue for a split second, and then he dropped like a sack of potatoes.
"Whoa..." Marshall said, gaping at the young man, who looked perturbed by the situation he had found himself in.
"Sorry," he mumbled before dropping the flowers and sprinting away, his oversized suit jacket flapping behind him.
"What was that all about?" Lily wanted to know, staring the way the young man had gone.
"I don't know," Barney said, looking back at Mark's stationary form. "He's not going to get up again, is he?" He was unable to hide how anxious the idea made him.
"Probably not," a young woman in a sunny yellow dress said, causing them all to look around in surprise. She, too, was carrying a bouquet of daisies; she had probably been with the young man who had so mysteriously caused Mark's (second) demise. "That's not how it works." She laid the flowers before the headstone before she ran after the young man who had fled, crying, "Ned! Wait for me!"
Barney turned to Robin. "Well, that was weird, right?" he asked casually, as if they hadn't seen anything particularly interesting.
"You could say that," she said dryly. "But one question: when you thought Mark was going to eat our brains, you were going to tell me something?"
Barney froze. "Oh," he faltered. "That. I was going to say that... I love... Twilight."
Robin stared at him. "You hate Twilight," she said after a moment.
"Right! I forgot! Thanks for reminding me!" He laughed awkwardly before putting his head down and walking away from the scene, fighting to run like the mysterious re-deader had a few minutes earlier.
(sorry for the longness and terribleness of this "story")
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Good story, though!
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Thanks!
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All crossovers were awesome.
(Observe icon. Observe lack of satire. For some reason I just can't bring myself to hate it, no matter how much I try.)
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Glad you liked the crossovers!
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Pushing Daisies: Check
Harry Potter: Check
Buffy: Check.
Think you managed to squeeze just about everything into this, honey!
And, as usual, your funny-fics skillz are teh awesome!
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