Gang of Mine (Part II)
The Sunday closing shift is about as dead as things get around the Pub, and tonight is no exception, so in a way, it should be a perfect time for me to return to work. After I finished sitting shiva, I took a few days to sleep and start to get my father's affairs in order, not that they needed much help with how careful he was. So it's time to rejoin the real world, and here I am, hoping nobody will come in and order any drinks. Actually, I'd rather be busy, as it gives me less time to think and dwell, but the truth is that it doesn't much matter. I'd also rather be anywhere but here right now.
"How are you holding up?" Jake asks during a lull in the overall lullness.
"Honestly? I can't shake the feeling that I'd be doing better if only people would stop asking me how I'm doing. Sorry if that sounds ungrateful, I know you wouldn't ask if you didn't care."
He nods. "It's okay. If I got offended that easily I don't think I'd make a very good bartender." I manage a weak smile. "Hey, your friend is getting married next weekend, isn't she? That's something to be excited about."
"Yeah, I was really looking forward to it."
"Sounds like there's a 'But' in there."
I sigh. "I'm just worried that I'll burst out crying at any moment. I don't want to ruin Dara's wedding, she's so happy and she's been looking forward to it for so long... I haven't figured out yet how to keep my shit together for more than an hour at a time. Frankly it's a miracle I haven't scared away any customers tonight."
Jake nods, puts his hands on my shoulders and leans down a little. "Debra, let me ask you a question. Do you think Dara would rather have one of her best friends miss her wedding, or have one of her best friends cry at her wedding?"
I know he's right. And just like that, the dam bursts, and I'm sobbing into Jake's chest. And just like my father would have done, he doesn't say a thing, he just holds me and lets me cry.
"How are you holding up?" Jake asks during a lull in the overall lullness.
"Honestly? I can't shake the feeling that I'd be doing better if only people would stop asking me how I'm doing. Sorry if that sounds ungrateful, I know you wouldn't ask if you didn't care."
He nods. "It's okay. If I got offended that easily I don't think I'd make a very good bartender." I manage a weak smile. "Hey, your friend is getting married next weekend, isn't she? That's something to be excited about."
"Yeah, I was really looking forward to it."
"Sounds like there's a 'But' in there."
I sigh. "I'm just worried that I'll burst out crying at any moment. I don't want to ruin Dara's wedding, she's so happy and she's been looking forward to it for so long... I haven't figured out yet how to keep my shit together for more than an hour at a time. Frankly it's a miracle I haven't scared away any customers tonight."
Jake nods, puts his hands on my shoulders and leans down a little. "Debra, let me ask you a question. Do you think Dara would rather have one of her best friends miss her wedding, or have one of her best friends cry at her wedding?"
I know he's right. And just like that, the dam bursts, and I'm sobbing into Jake's chest. And just like my father would have done, he doesn't say a thing, he just holds me and lets me cry.