Revelation
All of my life, basically from elementary school on, I have felt that God has had some big purpose. And I don't mean that in just the normal sense that most people have a purpose from God. I mean that some sort of massive purpose. Bigger than Earth purpose. Bigger than the Sun purpose. Big like a Galaxy sized purpose.
I remember weeping at summer camps, crying out to God saying, "I just want to reach the most people for you God. Help me to affect the most change among the most people, so that the greatest number can be saved and come to know you. I'll do whatever you want me to. Just tell me what it is and I'll do it."
Over time, my pride and my own thoughts gave way to desiring more and more to follow God's will. I gave up resisting the call to ministry. I felt God calling me music. Then to youth. Then finally I gave in and began attending Life. Then it almost seemed like my life was put on hold.
I attended classes about God. I learned more about God. About ministry. I got involved at one church. Started helping out with youth ministry, and tried a bit with music ministry. Little luck there.
I ran out of money and had to come back home for a year instead of going back to Life. Instead of just "wasting" the time, I attended community college and got my Associate Degree in Computer Science. Then someway, somehow, I got the Cal Grant and was able to come back to Life.
I visited a new church, with the intention of visiting many churches around to find the best fit for myself, but for some reason God told me not to, but instead to keep coming back to this church. Eventually I began leading worship. I tried getting involved with the youth, but that didn't work out very well. Yet slowly but surely, it seemed that my "worship leading skills" were improving.
I accepted an internship there over the summer. Long, hard but made good because I knew I was doing what God wanted me to do and I had a couple of great friends that got me through it. But what no one knew was that over the past couple of years a dangerous shadow had been growing on my mind. I was beginning to doubt my call to youth.
I tried explaining it away. "Well, maybe I'm just not called to be a typical youth pastor." "Or maybe I'm supposed to be a teacher." "Perhaps I just affect youth in some other way than ministering directly to them." "Well, I really want to be a father, so maybe my call to youth is for my own kids." Not to say that any of these aren't the case, but they were what was going through my mind.
School starts back up, and I have ten million units I have to take to graduate. It's practically impossible, and it's suggested to me that I drop my youth minor class to make graduation a more viable possibility. But that just doesn't sit right with me.
I went in and spoke with the head of the Youth Ministry track/department about the necessity of having a youth ministry minor to be hired at a church and work with youth. "Not really needed at all. They just look at the fact you're a graduate of Life." We talked about the possibilities of working "outside the box" as a minister to youth in other ways, such as social work, with a YMCA or in teaching. While teaching sounded (and still sounds) great, I was still uneasy with the whole thing.
Tonight I was reading a book called The Emerging Church by Dan Kimball and it hit finally me. This was why God created me. This was what all the molding he'd been doing over the past 22 years of my life was for. Why I had worked myself to the bone in high school taking hard classes. Why he'd made me intelligent, a risk taker and always looking to try new things to improve.
God put me where I am because of his call on my life.
He created me to be details oriented. He created me to be able to draw many great and esoteric things into one synthesized statement. He gave me musical abilities and a way with words such that I can create analogies to help people understand. He made it so I'm never satisfied with anything less than perfection, so I'm always willing to tweak one more thing next time to make it better.
He gave me a passionate heart that gives itself wholly (physically, mentally, emotionally) to whatever I really want to do. Be it loving people, playing with kids, doing an assignment, teaching and tutoring, playing a game, singing praise to Him. He made me able to do anything (with him) that I set my mind to.
It was for this time and (at this point) God only knows what place I was made. To reach generations. Mine. My future kids. My parents. Their parents. At this point, I don't know how, but I do know that I have never been more sure of my calling than I am at this point. God is wants to use me. And use me big time. And he will if I let him. And I will. I am.
Strange how just going about business as normal, doing my homework like I should God can speak to me, yeah? :)
I remember weeping at summer camps, crying out to God saying, "I just want to reach the most people for you God. Help me to affect the most change among the most people, so that the greatest number can be saved and come to know you. I'll do whatever you want me to. Just tell me what it is and I'll do it."
Over time, my pride and my own thoughts gave way to desiring more and more to follow God's will. I gave up resisting the call to ministry. I felt God calling me music. Then to youth. Then finally I gave in and began attending Life. Then it almost seemed like my life was put on hold.
I attended classes about God. I learned more about God. About ministry. I got involved at one church. Started helping out with youth ministry, and tried a bit with music ministry. Little luck there.
I ran out of money and had to come back home for a year instead of going back to Life. Instead of just "wasting" the time, I attended community college and got my Associate Degree in Computer Science. Then someway, somehow, I got the Cal Grant and was able to come back to Life.
I visited a new church, with the intention of visiting many churches around to find the best fit for myself, but for some reason God told me not to, but instead to keep coming back to this church. Eventually I began leading worship. I tried getting involved with the youth, but that didn't work out very well. Yet slowly but surely, it seemed that my "worship leading skills" were improving.
I accepted an internship there over the summer. Long, hard but made good because I knew I was doing what God wanted me to do and I had a couple of great friends that got me through it. But what no one knew was that over the past couple of years a dangerous shadow had been growing on my mind. I was beginning to doubt my call to youth.
I tried explaining it away. "Well, maybe I'm just not called to be a typical youth pastor." "Or maybe I'm supposed to be a teacher." "Perhaps I just affect youth in some other way than ministering directly to them." "Well, I really want to be a father, so maybe my call to youth is for my own kids." Not to say that any of these aren't the case, but they were what was going through my mind.
School starts back up, and I have ten million units I have to take to graduate. It's practically impossible, and it's suggested to me that I drop my youth minor class to make graduation a more viable possibility. But that just doesn't sit right with me.
I went in and spoke with the head of the Youth Ministry track/department about the necessity of having a youth ministry minor to be hired at a church and work with youth. "Not really needed at all. They just look at the fact you're a graduate of Life." We talked about the possibilities of working "outside the box" as a minister to youth in other ways, such as social work, with a YMCA or in teaching. While teaching sounded (and still sounds) great, I was still uneasy with the whole thing.
Tonight I was reading a book called The Emerging Church by Dan Kimball and it hit finally me. This was why God created me. This was what all the molding he'd been doing over the past 22 years of my life was for. Why I had worked myself to the bone in high school taking hard classes. Why he'd made me intelligent, a risk taker and always looking to try new things to improve.
God put me where I am because of his call on my life.
He created me to be details oriented. He created me to be able to draw many great and esoteric things into one synthesized statement. He gave me musical abilities and a way with words such that I can create analogies to help people understand. He made it so I'm never satisfied with anything less than perfection, so I'm always willing to tweak one more thing next time to make it better.
He gave me a passionate heart that gives itself wholly (physically, mentally, emotionally) to whatever I really want to do. Be it loving people, playing with kids, doing an assignment, teaching and tutoring, playing a game, singing praise to Him. He made me able to do anything (with him) that I set my mind to.
It was for this time and (at this point) God only knows what place I was made. To reach generations. Mine. My future kids. My parents. Their parents. At this point, I don't know how, but I do know that I have never been more sure of my calling than I am at this point. God is wants to use me. And use me big time. And he will if I let him. And I will. I am.
Strange how just going about business as normal, doing my homework like I should God can speak to me, yeah? :)