Pain
Pain is an interesting thing ( interesting in that OMFG sort of way) . Some people have a high tolerence and others cringe at the slightest hint of discomfort. I have always thought of mySelf as one who could endure pain in ammounts that many others would be unable to do. This was never a " better then thou" sort of feeling, just a realization from comparison to others. I understand totally now how tourture works. You see it does not matter what your threshold of pain is, if enough pain is induced over a long enough period of time one will begin to break down. It does not even have to be great pain IE: Chinese water tourture, just consistant until you break.
About 4 months oge I reached my limits on pain, I could no longer endure the effects of BMT and medication induced side effects. My mental ability to survuve day to day was gone, I no longer was able to maintain a positive attitude, I no longer had the ability to bite my lip and push through the pain from different parts of my body. I was put on anti-depresents so that I would not violently react to the constant barage of cramping,headaches,throbbing, stiffness or sharp stabs to my eyes,kidneys and lymph nodes. Up until npow that has helped but it did not stop or dull the pain. 3 weeks ago the Dr. wrote a script for Oxycoden(SP) and I have had to use it almost every day. This does indeed stop the pain, and everything else like being conscious or lucid. It pretty much puts me down and wipes me out. Now I really don't mind this too much because it is relief from pain, almost 2 solid years of pain. The problem now is that I cannot continue to use Oxy like this, addiction is emminent and I have already been down that road when I had my shoulder rebuilt 5 years ago, not a pretty pictuere.
I am not really sure where I can go from here! My tolerence is gone, The slightest discomfort almost sends me into a rage of anger simply because I AM SICK AND TIRED OF THIS HURTING EACH AND EVERY DAY. Not to mention that I rarely have just a slight discomfort, it is usually 3 or 4 things that are equal to a fingernail being pulled out with pliers,,,yea OUCH ! I don't like being alone for too long anymore because quite honestly I cannot trust mySelf. Yes, you see I ahve already had those thoughts and it would have not taken much to push that thought right over the edge into action...bad bad action.
I know this is hard on
fullygoldyas well, I am sure she feels helpless as well as tired of dealing with this as well. It is hard to watch someone you love suffer and not be able to do anything about it, that in and of itself can lead to unhealthy thoughts and feelings and well we both do not need to be taking depression meds right now.
I send my best wishes to my friends whom I know are also suffering with pain and physical hardship
oakwind,
wayfinder, ,
bzdchris, Legogeezer and Fates smuck. And to those who care for these warriors as well. May you all find peace and comfort in your very near future.
About 4 months oge I reached my limits on pain, I could no longer endure the effects of BMT and medication induced side effects. My mental ability to survuve day to day was gone, I no longer was able to maintain a positive attitude, I no longer had the ability to bite my lip and push through the pain from different parts of my body. I was put on anti-depresents so that I would not violently react to the constant barage of cramping,headaches,throbbing, stiffness or sharp stabs to my eyes,kidneys and lymph nodes. Up until npow that has helped but it did not stop or dull the pain. 3 weeks ago the Dr. wrote a script for Oxycoden(SP) and I have had to use it almost every day. This does indeed stop the pain, and everything else like being conscious or lucid. It pretty much puts me down and wipes me out. Now I really don't mind this too much because it is relief from pain, almost 2 solid years of pain. The problem now is that I cannot continue to use Oxy like this, addiction is emminent and I have already been down that road when I had my shoulder rebuilt 5 years ago, not a pretty pictuere.
I am not really sure where I can go from here! My tolerence is gone, The slightest discomfort almost sends me into a rage of anger simply because I AM SICK AND TIRED OF THIS HURTING EACH AND EVERY DAY. Not to mention that I rarely have just a slight discomfort, it is usually 3 or 4 things that are equal to a fingernail being pulled out with pliers,,,yea OUCH ! I don't like being alone for too long anymore because quite honestly I cannot trust mySelf. Yes, you see I ahve already had those thoughts and it would have not taken much to push that thought right over the edge into action...bad bad action.
I know this is hard on
fullygoldyas well, I am sure she feels helpless as well as tired of dealing with this as well. It is hard to watch someone you love suffer and not be able to do anything about it, that in and of itself can lead to unhealthy thoughts and feelings and well we both do not need to be taking depression meds right now.
I send my best wishes to my friends whom I know are also suffering with pain and physical hardship
oakwind,
wayfinder, ,
bzdchris, Legogeezer and Fates smuck. And to those who care for these warriors as well. May you all find peace and comfort in your very near future.