We interrupt the happy posts for.....
A reflection.
March 19th my friend Dan was murdered in Regina. I find it hard to believe that 2 months has passed already. It still pisses me off each and everyday, that someone did this to one of my best friends. I've been talking about my feelings with the therapist I am seeing, and he tells me that it's normal to feel angry when someone you care about is taken from you, even more so, when violence is the reason.
I was talking my friend Mike, here in Calgary, who was also a close friend of Dan's. I realised tonight that Dan was the reason Mike and I met. Mike and I have one of those friendships that isn't really a friendship.... more of a casual accquaintance. We'll see each other at the bar, or in the mall, and say hi, and chit chat, but nothing more than that. It's odd how you never notice something like that till one person is missing.
I don't think I touched on what Dan really meant to me when I posted about him in the days surrounding his death. Dan was one of those people, that when you met him, you instantly were friends. That's how it was with the 2 of us. I met Dan when I lived in Regina, and we hit it off right away. Dan was there for me for whatever reason. Be it a break up, a lost job, a bad day at work. He never hesitated to come haul my ass off the couch and take my mind off whatever was bugging me.
There's been so much happening in my life that I can't tell him now. I wish I could call him on the phone and tell him about Matt, and how things are going for me in Calgary. He always knew I was gonna move here, and I think he'd be happy with how things have turned out for me. I only regret one thing with me and Dan. About 2 weeks before he died, we had a bit of an arguement on MSN, over something silly, which I can't remember now. He tried emailing me, and I deleted them without reading them, and never answered his calls. I realise that now, I could have patched things up with a simple phone call or even a text message, and I never got the chance.
I was going through my MSN list the other day, and came across Dan's email address. I clicked on his name and the chat window came up, like usual, but this time, I knew seeing "Dan appears to be offline. Messages you send will be recieved when they log in next" meant something totally different. Then I wondered if his family had gone into his computer, and had MSN log in automatically, and then wondered if any one had sent messages to Dan the night he was killed.
Same thing goes for his cell phone. I wonder if there is text messages from the night he was killed. What did they say? I'll never know, but can't help but to be curious.
I'm not overly religious, and don't know what to think of the whole death thing. I've experienced it way too much in my 29 years, and being older doesn't make it any easier to go through. I often find myself wondering about things that may have being going through Dan's mind when this happened. Was it quick? Did he suffer? Did he fight back? What was the last thing he said before he died? So many questions that will have to remain unanswered. I was going to call him on his birthday, April 27th, but as I dialled, I realized he was gone. I hung my phone up, and at that point, it sunk in.
March 19th my friend Dan was murdered in Regina. I find it hard to believe that 2 months has passed already. It still pisses me off each and everyday, that someone did this to one of my best friends. I've been talking about my feelings with the therapist I am seeing, and he tells me that it's normal to feel angry when someone you care about is taken from you, even more so, when violence is the reason.
I was talking my friend Mike, here in Calgary, who was also a close friend of Dan's. I realised tonight that Dan was the reason Mike and I met. Mike and I have one of those friendships that isn't really a friendship.... more of a casual accquaintance. We'll see each other at the bar, or in the mall, and say hi, and chit chat, but nothing more than that. It's odd how you never notice something like that till one person is missing.
I don't think I touched on what Dan really meant to me when I posted about him in the days surrounding his death. Dan was one of those people, that when you met him, you instantly were friends. That's how it was with the 2 of us. I met Dan when I lived in Regina, and we hit it off right away. Dan was there for me for whatever reason. Be it a break up, a lost job, a bad day at work. He never hesitated to come haul my ass off the couch and take my mind off whatever was bugging me.
There's been so much happening in my life that I can't tell him now. I wish I could call him on the phone and tell him about Matt, and how things are going for me in Calgary. He always knew I was gonna move here, and I think he'd be happy with how things have turned out for me. I only regret one thing with me and Dan. About 2 weeks before he died, we had a bit of an arguement on MSN, over something silly, which I can't remember now. He tried emailing me, and I deleted them without reading them, and never answered his calls. I realise that now, I could have patched things up with a simple phone call or even a text message, and I never got the chance.
I was going through my MSN list the other day, and came across Dan's email address. I clicked on his name and the chat window came up, like usual, but this time, I knew seeing "Dan appears to be offline. Messages you send will be recieved when they log in next" meant something totally different. Then I wondered if his family had gone into his computer, and had MSN log in automatically, and then wondered if any one had sent messages to Dan the night he was killed.
Same thing goes for his cell phone. I wonder if there is text messages from the night he was killed. What did they say? I'll never know, but can't help but to be curious.
I'm not overly religious, and don't know what to think of the whole death thing. I've experienced it way too much in my 29 years, and being older doesn't make it any easier to go through. I often find myself wondering about things that may have being going through Dan's mind when this happened. Was it quick? Did he suffer? Did he fight back? What was the last thing he said before he died? So many questions that will have to remain unanswered. I was going to call him on his birthday, April 27th, but as I dialled, I realized he was gone. I hung my phone up, and at that point, it sunk in.