Laughter to follow in large doses (lol)
Since I love it when I can have a good laugh at some form of government that I don't give a shite about, here's a recent example of it that made me giggle over Turkey Day :) From my beloved newspaper, The Oregonian, and translations on a few of them to give you an idea:
Our federal government is involved in all sorts of ridiculous things these days: Iraq. Afghanistan. General Motors. Your wallet.
Why not the movie biz?
So, anticipating the day Uncle Sam takes over Hollywood, too, here's a look at how some famous movie quotes might be rendered in Federal Government Speak:
"Luke, I am your parental authority of the male gender." (Luke, I am your father)
-- "Star Wars"
"Excuse me, I'm in the process of bipedal locomotion here!" (Hey, I'm walkin' here!)
-- "Midnight Cowboy"
"Keep your personal firearm in its present location and take the cream-filled Italian pastry."
-- "The Godfather"
"Distinctive personal emblems? We are not in possession of such government-issued tokens. Furthermore, we are not in need of emblems on our clothing. I don't see any necessity to show you any foul-smelling identification!"
-- "The Treasure of the Sierra Madre"
"Obese, inebriated and mentally challenged is no way to go through life, son."
-- "Animal House"
"Joseph, do you enjoy cinema where the central theme revolves around armed combatants from the Roman Empire?"
-- "Airplane!"
"I have an intense fondness when I sense the fragrance of sodium palmitate mixed with gasoline during the hours before noon."
-- "Apocalypse Now"
"You will have a meal consisting of the discharge of atmospheric electricity and then defecate the sudden heating and expansion of air by electrical discharge."
-- "Rocky"
"Return the cylindrical mass of tallow to its original position!"
-- "Young Frankenstein"
"I consume your blended concoction of ice cream and milk. I consume it!"
-- "There Will Be Blood"
"We are conducting business ordered by the Divine Power."
-- "The Blues Brothers"
"Those who are unsuccessful complain about their efforts. Those who are successful return to their domicile and have sexual relations with the queen of the high school prom."
-- "The Rock"
"Don't criticize the act of self-gratification. It is sexual relations with a person I am in love with."
-- "Annie Hall"
Our federal government is involved in all sorts of ridiculous things these days: Iraq. Afghanistan. General Motors. Your wallet.
Why not the movie biz?
So, anticipating the day Uncle Sam takes over Hollywood, too, here's a look at how some famous movie quotes might be rendered in Federal Government Speak:
"Luke, I am your parental authority of the male gender." (Luke, I am your father)
-- "Star Wars"
"Excuse me, I'm in the process of bipedal locomotion here!" (Hey, I'm walkin' here!)
-- "Midnight Cowboy"
"Keep your personal firearm in its present location and take the cream-filled Italian pastry."
-- "The Godfather"
"Distinctive personal emblems? We are not in possession of such government-issued tokens. Furthermore, we are not in need of emblems on our clothing. I don't see any necessity to show you any foul-smelling identification!"
-- "The Treasure of the Sierra Madre"
"Obese, inebriated and mentally challenged is no way to go through life, son."
-- "Animal House"
"Joseph, do you enjoy cinema where the central theme revolves around armed combatants from the Roman Empire?"
-- "Airplane!"
"I have an intense fondness when I sense the fragrance of sodium palmitate mixed with gasoline during the hours before noon."
-- "Apocalypse Now"
"You will have a meal consisting of the discharge of atmospheric electricity and then defecate the sudden heating and expansion of air by electrical discharge."
-- "Rocky"
"Return the cylindrical mass of tallow to its original position!"
-- "Young Frankenstein"
"I consume your blended concoction of ice cream and milk. I consume it!"
-- "There Will Be Blood"
"We are conducting business ordered by the Divine Power."
-- "The Blues Brothers"
"Those who are unsuccessful complain about their efforts. Those who are successful return to their domicile and have sexual relations with the queen of the high school prom."
-- "The Rock"
"Don't criticize the act of self-gratification. It is sexual relations with a person I am in love with."
-- "Annie Hall"