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It was a Saturday morning, and Bartleby was still asleep in his own room. Loki had gotten himself a bowl of sugary cereal, adding lots of whole milk - he was an angel, what did he have to worry about health? - and sat down in front of the TV to watch children’s cartoons. He liked to watch them, something Bartleby didn’t quite understand. There was a certain black-and-white morality to them, bad guys against good guys. It reminded him of the old days.
He also liked to watch the Travel Channel, checking out places he knew he would never be able to visit. There had been a point where he’d been obsessed with going to Paris, and of course there was always Rome and Jerusalem. But the damn cosmic ankle bracelet on him and Bartleby, God’s own decree, was keeping them stuck in Wisconsin. Sometimes it was just too depressing to look at those things. Cartoons were safer because they weren’t real.
So he lounged on the couch, the spoon sticking out of his mouth as the Cocoa Puffs slowly turned the milk brown and sludgy, waiting for 8:00 AM to roll around so Mooby would come on.
When he heard the theme song, actually listening to the lyrics for the first time instead of doing something else while he waited for the show to start, he sat up abruptly. Couldn’t be. Not that simple…was it? Oh sweet Bovine, our lives to you we vow? Idolatry. Idolatry! And with a golden calf, no less! He was even called that in the song! Oh, man, they were gonna burn for this!
Spoon still in his mouth, Loki bolted from the couch, dashing upstairs to get his book of sinners. This was the First Commandment they were breaking here. Oh yeah. If he ever got the chance, if he ever got out of Wisconsin, he knew where he was going first. Jerusalem could wait.
Special Notes: Loki will arrive with bloody stubs of wings on his back. (He might want to get those checked out.) I’ll be informed by the screenplay as well as the movie, since the movie cut a lot of things, like his explanation to Silent Bob of theocracy in terms of Star Wars.
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I see Glinda is inmate-less...?
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Also, I totally approve and Gabriel is gonna stare at him and go, "WHO NAMES AN ANGEL AFTER A PAGAN GOD? I MEAN, REALLY?"
I also approve of Loki/Glinda, but my opinion there does not matter.
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"Hey, they named the pagan god after ME."
I think the Barge might spontaneously combust if that happened. WHO CARES I LOVE IT.
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Thank you!
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He’s lonely, especially now. Bartleby was his only consistent friend - as angels, they knew any mortal friends would grow old, die, and notice their conspicuously consistent youth. Now that he’s mortal, Loki doesn’t have that problem anymore. During ports, he is going to go hog-wild, especially if they’re anything exciting, such as…not Wisconsin. If he never even hears the word “Wisconsin” again, he’ll be happy. At first he will be angry, but once he settles into Barge life he’ll be at least decently cooperative, and willing to make all sorts of new friends (and enemies) to take his mind off of Bartleby’s betrayal. He’s also totally going to enjoy the fact that since he is no longer an angel, he can both imbibe alcohol and get laid, so…women of the Barge, beware, a wild Loki approaches.
Loki knows how to do a lot of things - being stuck in Wisconsin for so long has left him with little recourse from boredom but to learn new skills unrelated to smiting. It’s possible for him to be bullied and browbeaten by someone he looks up to - for example, Bartleby’s insistence that they were going to go through the arch even after Loki’s doubts about the whole thing after hearing about the consequences. There’s some empathy for humanity in him, especially now that he has a conscience. He still feels that people who have done horrible things need divine justice visited upon them…and he’s not going to feel too bad about being the guy who dishes it out.
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