June, 2005
they cut me up into parts; i gave a piece to my mother& i gave a piece to my man.
our bond is insatiable.
your kisses make me stop crying,
not that i would ever cry on your shoulder,
anyway.
you are the single most important person.
you are less than i needed,
but more than they ever expected,
anyway.
and mother dearest,
remember us as we were, when we were both young,
and we were both happy, as happy as we both could be.
and believe me, we shined bright because everybody looked.
and mother dearest,
never think that i don't love you as much i can.
because i just didn't come equipped with your giving nature.
because i came equipped with his fearful, worrisome habits.
and mother dearest,
always know that every mirror reflects your face.
always know that my life is lived knowing you love me,
nappy hair, foul mouth, fat casing, bad judgment, warts, and all.
you tell me success is the best revenge.
you told me there would be a light,
at the end of our tunnel, but there wasn't,
was there?
i sold you out to the man with no soul.
he bought and traded your pounds of flesh,
until you found you were nothing but bones,
right?
we grew up as sisters,
and it hurts, knowing i'm not the only one you live for.
cos in a sappy, sad sack sort of way,
i wanted to be the one you woke up to, every morning.
i wanted to be your sun, and you to be in my faithful rotation.
but i was your daughter, so i settled for left overs.
we traded secrets over american cheese.
you told me things i never wanted to know,
and promised me it would be life lessons,
didn't you?
nothing feels as good as your voice in my ear.
don't think that i'm not afraid for the loss of it,
because that thought brings me to me knees,
you know.
if i could bring you back from the place you go
to hate yourself. if i could fill your heart with my
eager love. if i could save your life with my
nimble fingers. if i could bring you his head on
a silver platter, and bow before you, like your
knight in silver, shiny fucking armor.
then we could dance like we had nothing holding us back,
then we could live like queens, drunk on our happy lives.
my failure is your failure, or so you say.
don't think that i don't blame you for each time,
each time i fall flat on my fucking face,
but anyway.
they tore your petals until you flew away.
then he took pleasure ripping off each bud,
until he planted a new seed, in his name,
and in yours.
i can't save you,
if you can't save yourself.
i can't love you,
if you can't love yourself.
but i can need you,
more than you need yourself.
you can do what you want,
because i can't call your shots.
i can't stand to see a vulnerability of the most embarrassing kind.
our bond is insatiable.
your kisses make me stop crying,
not that i would ever cry on your shoulder,
anyway.
you are the single most important person.
you are less than i needed,
but more than they ever expected,
anyway.
and mother dearest,
remember us as we were, when we were both young,
and we were both happy, as happy as we both could be.
and believe me, we shined bright because everybody looked.
and mother dearest,
never think that i don't love you as much i can.
because i just didn't come equipped with your giving nature.
because i came equipped with his fearful, worrisome habits.
and mother dearest,
always know that every mirror reflects your face.
always know that my life is lived knowing you love me,
nappy hair, foul mouth, fat casing, bad judgment, warts, and all.
you tell me success is the best revenge.
you told me there would be a light,
at the end of our tunnel, but there wasn't,
was there?
i sold you out to the man with no soul.
he bought and traded your pounds of flesh,
until you found you were nothing but bones,
right?
we grew up as sisters,
and it hurts, knowing i'm not the only one you live for.
cos in a sappy, sad sack sort of way,
i wanted to be the one you woke up to, every morning.
i wanted to be your sun, and you to be in my faithful rotation.
but i was your daughter, so i settled for left overs.
we traded secrets over american cheese.
you told me things i never wanted to know,
and promised me it would be life lessons,
didn't you?
nothing feels as good as your voice in my ear.
don't think that i'm not afraid for the loss of it,
because that thought brings me to me knees,
you know.
if i could bring you back from the place you go
to hate yourself. if i could fill your heart with my
eager love. if i could save your life with my
nimble fingers. if i could bring you his head on
a silver platter, and bow before you, like your
knight in silver, shiny fucking armor.
then we could dance like we had nothing holding us back,
then we could live like queens, drunk on our happy lives.
my failure is your failure, or so you say.
don't think that i don't blame you for each time,
each time i fall flat on my fucking face,
but anyway.
they tore your petals until you flew away.
then he took pleasure ripping off each bud,
until he planted a new seed, in his name,
and in yours.
i can't save you,
if you can't save yourself.
i can't love you,
if you can't love yourself.
but i can need you,
more than you need yourself.
you can do what you want,
because i can't call your shots.
i can't stand to see a vulnerability of the most embarrassing kind.